


Sweet Sleep My Dark Angel

by EliseIeroWayToro



Series: My Forever Angel [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: AU, M/M, Smut, angel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-13
Updated: 2014-04-07
Packaged: 2018-01-15 15:13:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 32
Words: 48,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1309420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EliseIeroWayToro/pseuds/EliseIeroWayToro





	1. Prologue

_**"You hold the answers deep within your own mind.** _  
_**Consciously, you've forgotten it.** _  
_**That's the way the human mind works.** _  
_**Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us** _  
_**to entertain, we reject it.** _  
_**We erase it from our memories.** _  
_**But the imprint is always there. We're supposed to try and be real.** _  
_**And I feel alone, and we're not together. And that is real. You're not alone, honey.** _  
_**Never... Never. But the imprint is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten. God, please don't hate me** _  
_**Because I'll die if you do."** _

 Frank has lived a tough childhood, running away multiple times before he was placed in a care home, under strict observation so he could no longer run.

His life is hell, his dreams plagued by some unknown figure, someone who can help him if he just gives in.

If he would just give up.

One day, a family adopts him, giving him the chance at a 'normal' life but what he doesn't know is his dreams are about to become a reality.

 

(anything in  _ **Bold Italics**_ is a dream,  anything in  _Italics_  is a flashback, anything in  **bold** is a technological message and anything in normal text is the normal narrative....)


	2. Fresh Beginnings [Frank]

_**I clutched my arms close to my chest, my breathing heavy as I ran, my footsteps echoing off the walls around me. I run far to often, told I am a threat, but this time I am running for my life, things chasing me, wanting to do things to me, wanting me dead.**_  
  
 _ **A scream echoed through the corridor, the voices getting closer and closer, the light at the end getting further and further away. Something reached out, grabbing my ankle and tugging me towards it, my breathing ragged as I landed on my back, jolts of agony stabbing through my body. "Help!" I shouted, a deep resonating laugh echoing back as a response. Shadows enveloped me, tugging on my clothing, tearing it in their desperation to declothe me. "Help me, please?" I pleaded, my eyes darting anywhere but the figure in front of me.**_  
  
 _ **Someone's shadow flitted across the door frame, their eyes on me as I screamed, writhing under the touch of the figure above me. The light hit the new addition in such a way that hid their features, the only obvious marker being their tight black skinny jeans, the shadows taking over just above the knees, hiding everything from view. "Please." I begged, my voice little more than a whimper as the figure smothered me.**_  
  
I jolted upright, my alarm screaming through my bedroom, sunlight streaming in through the curtains. I looked at my phone, groaning at the time.  
  
6:00am.  
  
One of the 'perks' of living in a care home. Even on the weekends you had to be up stupidly early to complete chores, and being seventeen didn't help either. It meant I got the ones the younger kids couldn't do. Things like washing the dishes or cleaning the ornaments.  
  
I staggered from my bed, grabbed a clean towel from my dresser and ran to the bathroom, eager to shower before the younger kids got there. Once inside the bathroom, I locked the door, my eyes on my reflection in the full length mirror opposite me. I shuddered as I took in my skinny body, my ribs protruding from my chest. I shook my head and turned on the shower, waiting patiently for it to heat up before climbing in and letting the water rush over my body, my skin on fire as the water became scalding.  
  
I quickly shampooed and rinsed my hair, wincing as my fingers touched the lump on my scalp. I pulled my fingers away, sighing with relief as the pain subsided before washing my body and climbing out, wrapping the towel around my waist and walking back towards my bedroom, ignoring all the eager cries of the younger children.  
  
Once inside my room, I hid myself under the covers, warming myself up before grabbing a pair of boxers from my drawers and tugging them on, snapping the elastic against my hips before reaching for a t-shirt. A knock at my door startled me, my hands releasing the material they were holding as a figure let them self in. "What d'you want?" I asked as Mrs Jones walked in, a smile on her face.  
"We have a potential family for you Frank." She beamed.  
"Really?" I asked, cocking my eyebrow.  
"Yes, the Carmichael's will be here at about eight so you are dismissed from your chores this morning, make sure that you clean yourself up and make yourself look smart."  
"Sure." I replied, my eyes on Mrs Jones as she left the room. I groaned as my door clicked shut, bending down to pick up my shirt.  
  
I seem to be doing a lot of that lately, groaning. Maybe it's the lack of a good night sleep, nightmares haunting me every time I closed my eyes. Maybe it was the fact I was seventeen, had six lots of prospective parents in the past two years and everyone had rejected me. Whatever it was it was starting to get to me, making me feel down all the time and it was starting to hurt.

* * *

 

I walked into the office, my eyes searching out Mrs Jones desk, a familiar sense of dread settling over me. I knew that this wouldn't be the last time I walked down here, preparing myself to meet more prospective parents.  
  
 _"I'm ready." I said to Mrs Thomas, the then secretary.  
"Good." She said, beaming down at a me. I was wearing my 16th birthday badge, the only color in my otherwise dark appearance, my hazel eyes standing out against the black eyeliner I hid behind. "Well, let us go and meet them then!" She said, a lot more optimistic than I felt._  
  
 _Inside the small meeting room was a family. A mother and a father with a little girl clutching their hands. The minute I stepped into the room, she shied away, hiding her face from sight. "Hi, I'm Frank Iero." I said, following protocol, extending my hand towards the father._  
 _"Hello, I am Jonathon Smith, this is my wife, Magdalena, and our little girl, Bethany. Nice to meet you." The father said, smiling._  
 _"Nice to meet you too." I replied, still not sure how this was going to go. Most people, you could tell from the beginning, the looks of disgust on their face as they took in my appearance. These? They were different, more reserved._  
 _"So Frank, as it's your birthday, and I know we aren't your family yet, but we decided to bring you a present. Bethany, sweetie, do you want to give it to him?" The little girl nodded, extending her hands with a small wrapped package. Inside was a box of plectrums, each with different horror movie characters on them. "I spoke to Mrs Thomas, she said you play the guitar."_  
 _"Thank you." I muttered, absentmindedly rolling my sleeves up, realizing what I had done when gasps of horror met my ears. Magdalena covered Bethany's eyes, picked her up and left the room, Jonathon following soon after._  
  
 _I stayed in the room, my heart pounding as I looked upon my scarred wrists, Jonathon's voice reaching me from the office. "I'm sorry, but we can't take him. You didn't tell us he was 'damaged'. We can't have someone who is mentally unstable around Bethany." The front door slammed soon after, another family leaving me behind._  
  
I shook my head, wiping my thumb under my eyes as I took the last few steps towards Mrs Jones desk. "I'm ready." I muttered.  
"This time Frank. I promise." She responded, taking in my teary face. I nodded as she led me towards the meeting room, giving me what was supposed to be a supportive look before opening the door and leaving me with the people within. "Hi, I'm Frank Iero." I said, trying to keep my voice steady.  
"I'm John Carmichael, this is my partner, James. We are, uh, looking for someone to adopt."  
"Someone just like you!" Interrupted James, a smile on his face. I raised an eyebrow, curious as to why they were so happy.  
"Thanks, I'm honored, but I'm damaged, you don't want anyone like me." I muttered, my voice low.  
"Oh, I'm sure you're not damaged, I mean, look at you!" James beamed. "I'm going to go and get the forms!"" He said joyfully. I sighed and rolled my eyes, slightly jealous that they had something to be so happy over.  
"We can come and pick you up tomorrow, I mean, we would take you home today, but we both have work and that would just be so mean to take you home without actually being there." John rambled, signing the papers that James pushed under his nose. "Shit, I forgot to ask, do you have anything against gay people?"  
"If I did, then I would hate myself." I replied bluntly, staring him down. John released an inhuman squeal before jumping to his feet and wrapping his arms around me.  
"I can't wait to take you home!" He laughed before offering his hand for me to shake and leaving the room.  
  
I stumbled into my room, still slightly euphoric. My mind still hadn't fully processed that I was finally getting adopted, finally getting somewhere to call home. I have been waiting for this day to come for the past three years, and now it was finally happening. I was finally getting a family. I grabbed down my suitcase from the top of my cupboard, choking as I inhaled dust.  
  
After catching my breath, I opened my drawers, tipping my belongings in, frowning when I realized how little stuff I actually had. Once my guitar was zipped into it's case and all my school stuff was in my bag, I would be packed, sadly. I zipped the bag and dropped it onto the floor, crashing onto my bed in a heap. I sighed and raised my hand to my faced, confused why my hand was covered in tears when I pulled it away. I mean, I wouldn't miss this place, would I?  
  
"Fwankie!" A little voice called from my doorway, an impatient knocking getting my attention. "Fwankie!" I rolled over, my eyes landing on Tim, a little boy who had looked up to me since I got here.  
"Yeah Tim?" I asked, sitting up and allowing him to take a seat next to me.  
"Is it twue your leaving?" He asked, his blue eyes big as he looked up at me, his bottom lip trembling.  
"Yeah." I replied, my heart breaking ever so slightly when he started to cry. "Hey, Tim, it's okay, I'll come back to visit, promise."  
"Weally?" He asked, his eyes still filled with tears.  
"Yeah, in fact, let's go and play ball for a bit, then I'll read you a bed time story." I said smiling when he grabbed my hand and lead my from my room.


	3. Dirty Habits [Gerard]

I sat on my bed, legs curled underneath me, small orange bottle clasped in my fingers. There were only a few left, but hopefully, it would be enough to just give me that kick that I needed, the one that I couldn't get anywhere else.  
  
So I had told my brother, and my parents, that I wouldn't try to get high anymore, that if I felt empty, then I would go and talk to them, but surely, they can forgive me? I shook my head, rattling the bottle. A knock at the door startled me, forcing the bottle to go crashing to my bed. "Gee?" Mikey asked, his voice filled with sleep.  
"Yeah?"  
"Can I come in?" He stuttered.  
"Yeah." He pushed the door open and came stumbling in. It was then that I realized it wasn't sleep making his voice sound the way it did, but bruises and swelling across his face.  
"Who the fuck did this to you?" I asked, reaching out to skim my fingers over his cheek. Mikey flinched back, wincing, as my fingertips caught the edge of a cut.  
"It doesn't matter." He paused, his tongue shooting out to wet his lips. "Why were you shouting in your sleep last night?"  
"Nightmare now, tell me who the fuck hurt you." I muttered.  
"The usual but you can't go and beat them up again Gee, not until you've told me what's wrong at least."  
"Look, Mikey, I can't really remember many details, just that there was this figure, I don't know who it was, attacking what I can only assume was a kid. I'm guessing, from the way they were yelling 'please help' that they were a boy. I couldn't get there in time. He died, the end." I paused, blanching at the brutality of my words.  
"It wasn't like..." He hesitated.  
"No, it wasn't like Bob. It wasn't like bloody murder, it was just murder. I can't describe it." I took a deep breath, my hand automatically searching for the bottle of pills in my covers. "It's like, I can remember his eyes you know? The one thing I could see of his body was his eyes and I just can't shake the image. These hazel, almost green, orbs looking at me with pure terror in them and I just couldn't do anything to help him."  
"It's not your fault Gee, it was only a dream. Remember?" Mikey tried to sooth me, his hand on my shoulder.  
"I'll be back soon." I muttered, staggering to my feet and slipping on my vans.  
  
I walked towards the park, my hands buried deep in my pockets. I saw the culprits stood around the skate park, laughs emanating from the group. "Did you see the way he ran?" Laughed Tom, the tallest.  
"Yeah. You got him good that time." Ben agreed.  
"Yeah, I saw." I said loudly as I walked up.  
"What the fuck are you doing here? We don't socialize with fags." Tom growled, repulsion on the edge of his features.  
"Aww, you used to." I chuckled.  
"Yeah, that's before we realized what a fucking disease it was." Tom stepped closer, straightening his shoulders to make himself look taller.  
"It's not a disease, you can't choose it!" I shouted, my fists shaking beside me. I raised one, punching Tom in the face. "That's for my brother you homophobic ass." I muttered before walking off, my breathing heavy.  
  
My footsteps echoed off the walls of the underpass, my hands shaking as I kept them buried in my pockets. Tom was my best friend, right up until last year, right up until I told him my deepest, darkest secret, that I liked guys. He instantly turned against me, using my homosexuality as an excuse to beat on both me and my brother. It was stupid, but it was the way he worked, beating things that he didn't understand.  
  
Hurried footsteps echoed off the walls around me, rushed breathing reaching my ears. "Gerard! Stop!" Shouted Ben, his unique voice reaching my ears.  
"Fuck off Ben. I don't wanna talk to you!" I yelled, keeping my footsteps even.  
"Gerard, listen to me, please." He pleaded, reaching out and grabbing my arm, spinning me until I was facing him. "I'm sorry."  
"For what? Tell me that? For being the guy that forced me to accept my sexuality or point blank lying to Tom when he asked why we were making out, telling him I came onto you when it was the other way around? How about beating my little brother? Oh, what about the time you tried to come onto me at a party and then started punching me when you realized what you were doing?"  
"For everything, I'm sorry for everything Gerard, I really am." Ben muttered, his eyes on the floor.  
"Why can't I believe you? Why can't I believe that you are sorry for any of it?" I tried to wrench my arm free, Ben's grip tightening when he realized I was trying to escape.  
"I am though, what do you want me to say?" He asked, his eyes wide.  
"Prove it." I answered bluntly. His eyes widened further as he realized I was giving him another chance.  
  
Ben stepped closer, one arm either side of my head, pinning me against the wall. My heart rate sped up, my pulse echoing in my ears as he leant his head down, his lips inches from mine. I looked up at him, my breathing ragged as his lips captured mine. I sagged back against the wall, my lips still pressed to Ben's, my hands reaching up to tangle in his hair. His hips pressed me against the wall, his hands running down my sides.  
  
 _I let out a moan, my breathing rushed as I pressed deeper into the kiss, allowing Ben's tongue access to my mouth, my grip tightening in his hair as I tasted him, the cigarette smoke overpowering everything else. Ben slid his hand down my front, resting on my belt before he loosened it and slid his hand inside, cupping me gently. I bucked my hips at his touch, forgetting where we were. "Please." I moaned, capturing his lips again._  
  
 _Ben shook his head softly and pulled his hand free, tightening my belt again. "Not now." He whispered, his hands on my hips. "Class soon." I nodded, pouting slightly before he tugged on my chin, forcing me to look at him. He smiled cheekily before pressing his lips to mine again, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth. I groaned, my hands roaming Ben's torso, stroking his muscles through his t-shirt._  
  
 _The door to the locker room slammed open, Tom's voice echoing out across the room. "What the fuck is going on here?" He yelled, causing Ben to jump back, his face red._  
 _"He came onto me! I tried to stop him." He replied, faking disgust._  
 _"Really?" Tom smirked._  
 _"I...that's...no." I stammered, unable to get the words out. Tom stepped closer, his fists raised._  
  
"No!" I yelled as I pushed Ben away, my shout echoing off the stone walls. "Goddamnit, I'm not falling for that again." I felt a tear roll down my face as I turned and ran.  
"Gerard, please, don't go!" Ben pleaded, his voice echoing after me. "I wasn't going to..."  
"I don't give a crap Ben." I yelled as I left the underpass, my feet tracing the familiar route home.

* * *

I ran straight past my mother and up the stairs to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me and collapsing onto my bed. I could feel the tears streaking down my face but I refused to acknowledge them, my hands wrapped around my waist instead of wiping them away. Sobs tore free from my chest, my shoulders heaving as I cried harder than I had in a long time.  
  
Someone knocked at my door impatiently. "Go away!" I yelled, my voice choked with sobs.  
"Gerard..." My mom began.  
"Just go away!"  
"Tell me what's wrong honey, I can't help if you don't tell me." She stated, he forehead hitting the door.  
"I don't want help, I just want it to all go away. I just want to..." I began.  
"Don't you dare Gerard Arthur Way. Do not tell me you want to die. Not again. I refuse to hear those words come out of your mouth."  
"I just want to be normal!" I yelled, changing what I was going to say.  
"Honey, you are normal, trust me. Just... open the door Gerard."  
"It's not locked." I cried into the pillows.  
"Oh honey, what happened?" My mom asked as she sat on the edge of my bed, her hand on my shoulder.  
"I'm not normal mom. I'm not and never will be. I'm gay for fucks sake, how is that normal?"  
"It is perfectly normal. It's who you are and people that can't accept that need to fuck the hell on out of your life okay?" She muttered. I nodded, turning slightly so I could see her. I lightly brushed my fingers over my kiss swollen lips, crying again as I remembered what Ben did.  
"He kissed me." I whispered. "Ben kissed me. He told me he was sorry, I told him to prove it so he kissed me." My mom didn't say anything, just enveloped me in her arms and let me cry.  
  
I sat at my desk, my sketch pad in front of me, the page completely unmarked. A glint of metal caught my eye, refusing to let me avert my gaze. My hand snaked across the desk, my hand landing on my old razor, the one I had hidden from everyone's eyes. I hesitated as I held the cold metal against my wrist, my hand shaking as I thought of what I was going to do. I shook my head and tugged the sleeve of my t-shirt up, uncovering the scarred skin beneath. "You're fat." I muttered, digging the metal into my skin. "You're ugly." I did it again, wincing at the bite of the blade. "You're a fag." I gasped as the warm blood started trickling down my arm. "You're stupid." I growled, digging the blade deeper into my skin. "You're...you're..." My words hitched in my throat. "You're better off dead." I sobbed, cutting a final time before dropping the blade onto my desk, droplets of blood splattering across my sketch pad.  
  
My hand started to go numb, my fingertips tingling. I began to panic, my heart rate increasing, my breathing coming in pants. I climbed to my feet and walked from the room. My feet led me to Mikey's room, standing in the doorway until he noticed me. "Gee?" He asked, thinking I was there to ask to borrow something. That is until his eyes came to rest on the blood dripping down my fingers. "Again?" He asked, sighing as I nodded. "Come here." He said, tugging my shirt sleeve up, wincing slightly as he saw the damage beneath.  
  
"Thank you." I muttered as he tied the final knot in the bandage, gently pulling down my shirt sleeve.  
"Why Gee?" He asked as he sat back on his ankles.  
"Ben." I sighed, refusing to meet his eyes. Mikey threw a questioning glance my way, telling me to carry on. "I went to tell Tom to stop, I punched him and walked away. I was walking through the underpass and Ben chased me, he grabbed my arm and told me he was sorry. I told him to prove it. He kissed me."  
"That prick." Mikey hissed. "I swear to god, he needs to leave you alone."  
"I enjoyed it though Mikey. I told myself that I wouldn't let him do it again but I enjoyed it." I muttered, unsure of where the feelings were coming from.  
"It's understandable. He was the first guy you liked, just... don't let yourself get hurt." Mikey advised, tugging me in for a hug when I sighed, my breath hitching in my throat as I fought back the tears.


	4. Feeling Loved [Frank]

I waited with Tim until he fell asleep, his heavy breathing filling his shared room, before leaving, wandering slowly towards my own, locking the door when I was safely inside. My eyes wandered over all of the furniture, making sure I had left nothing on the counter-tops before I stripped, shivering as the cold air hit my skin. Within three seconds of my clothes hitting the floor, I was under my duvet, shaking with the cold. I knew what was coming as soon as I closed my eyes, but staying awake would only postpone the inevitable, the nightmares.  
  
 _ **"You can run, but you can't hide." A deep voice echoed out, reaching my hiding place. I shuddered, the thought of what the person would do to me if they found me. I held my breathe as a shadow passed across the door, hesitating before passing on, the footsteps receding into the darkness. "I will find you!" He growled, his fist reaching out to hit something. "You're in the closet again aren't you?" He laughed, happy he had discovered me.**_  
  
 _ **I shrank further back into the coats as the doors crashed open, meaty fingers searching through the clothes until they landed on my ankles. "Come here." The man laughed. "I want to have some fun."**_  
  
 _ **I tried to wriggle away, kicking out with my free foot, connecting with something soft. The man yelped and briefly released my ankle. I got to my feet and tried to run, tripping as he grabbed my ankle again. "Let go of me!" I yelled, kicking out again. The man laughed as he tugged me towards him, pinning me to the floor as he unbuckled his pants and tugged them down, stroking himself as he stared at me.**_  
  
 _ **I tipped my head backwards, anything to avoid looking at the figure. Another person stood in the doorway, his face obscured by shadow, his posture showing horror. "Help me." I pleaded, reaching a hand out towards the figure.**_  
 _ **"I'm trying." He responded, holding his hand out towards me. "Come on, just a little closer." He groaned, his fingertips brushing mine, electric shocks bursting down my hands.**_  
 _ **"Please..." I yelled,my scream cut off as the man forced his penis into my mouth, causing me to choke, my vision going black.**_  
  
I cuddled my duvet, tears streaking down my face, my breathing ragged. I raised my head slightly, my eyes on my alarm clock. The red numbers read 2:30am, too early to get out of bed. I groaned as I pulled my blankets back over my shoulders, shuddering at the memory of the dream. "Fuck sleep." I grunted as I tugged open my bedside table drawer, my hand searching for my blade.  
  
My fingers brushed the edge of it, grabbing a hold before pulling it towards me and grabbing my small first aid kit. The blade was stained with blood, droplets scattered across the surface. Nostalgia kicked in, the first time I dragged the blade across my skin, the first time blood flowed from the wounds, the first time waking up in a strange place.  
  
I dragged the blade across my wrist, slicing over previous scars, wincing at the bite of the cold metal. A shudder worked its way around my shoulders, my muscles clenching around the blade. "Damn it." I hissed as blood crawled over the edge of my wrist and landed on my covers."Godamnit!" I yelled, my voice slightly louder. The blood warmed as it fled down my arm, streaking red lines into my flesh.  
  
A knock at the door forced me to look up, my heart thumping erratically in my chest. "Yeah?" I stammered.  
"Fwankie, I had a bad dweam." Muttered Tim.  
"Hold on a second." I replied, climbing to my feet and grabbing a pair of sweatpants out of my bag. Once I had them on, I opened the door and let Tim in, picked him up and carried him to my bed.  
"Can I stay here Fwankie?" He asked, his eyes wide. I nodded.  
"What was your dream about?" I asked, stroking his hair as he got comfy.  
"You were hurting yourself Fwankie." Tim muttered. My heart started beating faster, my arm automatically going out of Tim's sight. "You were hurting yourself weren't you Fwankie?"  
"Uh..." I started, not wanting to admit it.  
"It's okay if you were Fwankie, I understand but don't hurt too much because then you'll have to take a vacation and I can't see you anymore, like my sister. Please don't go on a vacation?"  
"I won't." I whispered, resolving in that instant to try and stop.  
"Fank you." Tim whispered before cuddling against my stomach and falling asleep.  


* * *

  
"You ready to go?" Mrs Jones asked.  
"Yeah, just let me go say goodbye to Tim and then I'm completely done." I replied before backing away and walking up the stairs.  
  
"Tim." I called, poking my head through his bedroom door. "Tim, I gotta go."  
"Please don't Fwankie. Please don't go." He cried as he ran towards me. I knelt down so I was on the same level as him and wrapped my arms around his shoulder.  
"I have to bud, but remember I'll come back and visit, I already promised."  
"How do I know you won't take a vacation Fwankie?" He asked, his blue eyes teary as he looked at me.  
"I promise that as well Tim. I won't hurt myself any more." I muttered.  
"Pwomise?" He asked. I nodded.  
"Promise." I paused and rested my head on his shoulder, sighing. "I have to go now. I'll come back soon." I whispered. I climbed to my feet and let go of his shoulders, waving as I walked back down the stairs.  
  
I slid my backpack onto my shoulders and waved goodbye to Mrs Jones. James was just signing the last of the paperwork then I would be going 'home'. I sighed. "I wuv you Fwankie!" Yelled Tim as he came hurtling down the stairs, throwing himself at me, tears streaking down his face.  
"I love you too Timmy." I muttered as I buried my face in his hair.  
"Have fun at your new home Fwankie."  
"I will." I sighed before placing Tim on his feet. "You ready?" I asked James, who nodded. "Bye bye Timmy."  
"Byeee Fwankie!" He cried, waving as I grabbed my bags and climbed into James' car.  
  
"You love that little kid don't ya?" James asked, looking at me through the rearview mirror.  
"Yeah, I kinda grew attached. He reminds me of my little brother." I sighed.  
"Well, how about, when we've got you settled in, we let him come to visit?" John suggested, turning around to face me. I nodded, my eyes on the trees down the side of the interstate. "You're quiet, what's up?"  
"Didn't sleep too well." I muttered, yawning to prove my point.  
"We need to go shopping to get you some stuff for your room, but you can sleep afterwards, how does that sound?" James asked,  
"Yeah." I replied.  
  
I stepped into the furniture store, my eyes roaming over all the different types of things. "Choose whatever you want." John said, smiling at the shock on my face. "Yeah, whatever you want. Go, write down the numbers of the items you want and come back here in an hour." I nodded and sped off, heading towards the back of the store.  
  
My eyes landed on a wrought iron bed frame, painted black. It was just right. I scribbled down the number on a piece of paper and was off looking for other items to go in my room. A shout distracted my attention. "Dude, Mikey, bro. I do not need a new bed!" A male voice yelled, footsteps echoing as someone chased down the elusive Mikey. I turned around, ready to head off towards the wardrobes and drawers and walked slap bang into a person.  
"Shit, I am so sorry." I stammered as I stepped back.  
"It's okay dude. If it wasn't for my douchebag brother, I would have been paying more attention to where I was going. I'm Gerard." He explained as he extended his hand. I shook it, deja vu clouding my mind.  
"I'm Frank." I said.  
"Cool. Well, I gotta go find Mikey, so hopefully I'll see ya soon?" He asked.  
"Yeah, don't see why not." I replied, smiling as he ran off, shouting his brothers name.  
  
"Here's the list." I said to John as I walked up, grinning from ear to ear as I listened to Gerard and Mikey shouting at each other as they chased each other round the store.  
"Great, we'll go and get these ordered." John said, kissing James before disappearing to find an employee.  
"How about we go out for lunch? What sort of things do you like?" James asked.  
"Anything so long as it doesn't have meat." I replied, my stomach choosing that moment to rumble.  
"Great!" He chuckled.

* * *

I looked around the diner, my eyes landing on each table for a short amount of time before I turned back to my 'parents'. "So what about school?" I asked. "I mean, there is no way I can keep going to my old one, it was a push to get me there from the orphanage, but now we are an extra half an hour away."  
"Well, we were going to give you that choice. There is a nice school near the house, you could walk it, or we could get you home schooled." John said.  
"School, definitely, please?" I asked, unsure if sounding so eager was a good idea. "Just so long as they have music classes."  
"I know they do orchestra, but we can take you down tomorrow and you can have a look?" I nodded, grinning when my veggie burger arrived.  
"Sounds good." I smiled, taking a bite of my burger.

* * *

I looked around what was to become my room, smiling, hope finally in my system. If all goes to plan, this will start feeling like a family, like a place I belong. When they signed the papers, I resolved not to run again, not unless I really needed to but John and James? They were really nice, they made me feel loved and they acted like they wanted me.  
  
Maybe this would be the new beginning that I have been after since I was 15. Maybe I would finally be happy.


	5. Bad History [Gerard]

I dropped onto my bed, kicking my shoes off, my eyes on Mikey as he paced my room. Since we came back from the store, he hasn't stopped, his feet wearing ruts into my carpet. "What's bothering you?" I asked him for the fifth time.  
"Nothing." He replied, just like always.  
"Seriously dude, what's wrong?"  
"Look Gee, I can't tell you if I don't really know. I just feel kinda funny, like something...I dunno...Like something was happening between you and that dude." He explained, finally stopping pacing so he could look me in the face, his eyebrows furrowed as he studied my face.  
"And what exactly to you mean?" I questioned.  
"Well, the way he looked at you and you looked at him, but...I think something was there." Mikey shrugged, exhaling heavily as he dropped to the floor, his legs crossed in front of him.  
"It was him Mikes." I whispered.  
"Who?"  
"The guy from my dream." I muttered, looking over towards the sketches I had done of the eyes I could always see.  
"How the...What...Why??" Mikey asked, completely unable to finish a sentence.  
"Eyes. It was the eyes." I shrugged and lay down, resting my head on my hands. "They were such a unique color, stunning, just...uh..." Mikey shook his head and climbed to his feet.  
"Whatever, just get your stuff ready for school 'cuz I can bet anything that you won't have time to get it sorted in the morning." I nodded as Mikey left the room, pulling the door closed behind him.  
  
"I'm going for a walk." I called as I tugged on my jacket, patting down my pockets until I found the location of my keys. "Call me if ya need me."  
"Have fun and be careful!" My mom called, poking her head around the kitchen door.  
"Sure, I always am." I smiled and turned around, tugging the door open.

* * *

I sat on the swings, kicking my feet backwards and forwards through the bark chips. My headphones were in my ears, my phone blaring out The Misfits. My mind wandered over things, Ben in particular. I wondered if he really liked me, or if he was just playing me for his own gain. Nothing mattered. Not anymore, not when I wanted it all to end.  
  
My eyes roamed around the park, coming to a stop on the floor in front of my, my brain focusing on the dirty white toes of my converse. Words were sung into my ear as I released a sigh, jumping half a foot when black toes pressed against mine. I raised my head, prepared to tell someone to fuck of, my face softening when I looked at Frank. "Hey dude." I muttered as I tugged out my headphones, hanging the cord around my neck.  
"Heya, you mind if I swing?" He asked, pointing at the swing next to me. "I used to do this all the time back home, just sit on the swings, listening to music, watching nature." He sighed, his eyes on the tree line.  
"You mean your home isn't here?" I asked, turning slightly on the swing.  
"Nahh, I live with the Carmichael's. Moved in today actually." Frank sighed and scuffed his toes through the bark.  
"Where were you before then?" I asked, hesitating before opening my mouth again. "Sorry if I'm too nosy, just tell me to shut up if you don't want to answer."  
"You're alright. People never really talk to me, it's nice to have someone to talk to." He climbed to his feet. "Walk?" I nodded and climbed to my feet. "I was having a tough time and for three years before I turned fourteen, I kept running away. My parents got bored of it and put me in a care home. Been there ever since."  
"Man, that must have been hard." I muttered, reaching out to pull a leaf off of a bush next to me.  
"Not really. It made my life slightly easier ya know? I didn't have to worry about hurting my little brother if I didn't come back. I could just stay away if I really wanted to, nothing was making me come back."  
  
I pushed the button at the cross walk, tapping my toes as I waited for the lights to turn. "What do you do then?" Frank asked, his eyes on me.  
"Uh, nothing much really. Drawing, uh, reading comic books. I don't really do much to be honest." I sighed as we crossed the street. "Dude, I gotta head home real quick, grab some meds. You wanna come or...?" I paused, not wanting to finish the sentence.  
"Uhh, I should probably be getting back. James is probably wondering where I disappeared to. See ya another time though?" I nodded and waved goodbye as Frank headed down the street, his footsteps growing quieter as he walked away.

* * *

**_I ran down the corridor, following the echoing screams. My footsteps rebounded off the walls, following me as I searched for the victim. I ran past an open door, not bothering to look inside, the screams echoing from further away. My feet stopped, my heels digging into the floor as my mind processed what it managed to glimpse through the open door._**  
  
 **_"Shit." I muttered as I backtracked, leaning on the door frame as I attempted to catch my breath. My eyes landed on a figure on the floor, his hazel eyes staring at me through the shadows. A silhouette stood above him, a manic cackle leaving it's lips as it lowers its pants._**  
 **_"Mine." He laughed as he forced the figures head back, pushing his hips against his face._**  
 **_"Get off him!" I yelled, not sure what possessed me to say him. "Please." I pleaded._**  
 **_"You're next!" He cackled as the figure on the floor went limp, all the fight leaving him in one moment._**  
  
 **_The shadowy figure reached out to me, his claw-like fingers missing my throat by an inch as I ducked below his outstretched hand, sliding my body along the floor to the limp figure._**  
  
I sat upright, sweat dripping down my back, my breath coming in pants. "Fuck. Shit. Twat. Bollocks. Ouch." I muttered, the obscenities increasing in frequency when I saw the time.  
  
3:40am.  
  
Far too long until I needed to be up for school, yet I was.  
  
A sigh escaped my lips as I threw my duvet back and climbed to my feet, my footsteps practically silent as I padded to the bathroom. The downstairs light was on, a shadow moving around in the kitchen. After I had relieved myself, I tiptoed down the stairs, standing in the kitchen doorways as I watched my dad shuffle about, his hands shaking as he held the glass close to his chest.  
  
"Dad." I muttered as I stepped close, my hands outstretched. "Dad, put the glass down."  
"No." He slurred.  
"Come on dad, it's late, you need to go to bed, you have work later." I protested, reaching out to take the glass from his hands.  
"Don't. I need it. Please..." He muttered.  
"Come on, let's get you to bed." I sighed as I wrapped my arm around his waist and tugged him towards the stairs.  
"Don't want to... just want to drink."  
"No dad!" I snapped, finally hitting breaking point. "You are going to bed and that is the end of the story."  
"NO!" My dad yelled, the palm of his hand connecting with the side of my face.  
  
I stepped back, shocked. "What the fuck?" I muttered, my eyes squinted as my dads lower lip trembled. He stepped closer, his hands outstretched towards me.  
"I'm so sorry son." He whispered, his voice shaking. "Please, Gerard, I didn't mean it."  
"I don't care." I hissed, my eyes narrowed as I observed the tears streaking down my dad's face.  
"Please, I didn't mean it, just...please?" My dad muttered.  
  
 _"No dad. I've tried so many times to help you. I've lied, I've told mom that you don't drink stupid amounts, that the bruises come from things other than your hands. I can't keep going dad. You've hit me one too many times." I explained, my voice shaking as I sagged against the wall._  
 _"Gerard, son, please? I can't risk losing you all, not after everything we've been through together."_  
 _"Tough dad, you should have thought of that before you hit me. I told you if you hit me one more time I was going to tell mom, that I wouldn't back out this time. I'm fed up of protecting you and getting nothing in return."_  
 _"Gerard, please, you don't..." My dad began._  
  
 _"Donald?" My mom muttered as she walked in, Mikey hot on her heels with the grocery bags. "What's going on here?" She asked as she took in the distance between us, my freshly split lip and the hand print across my cheek._  
 _"I'm sorry Donna... I didn't mean to... I just... I don't..." My dad stuttered, unable to form a complete sentence._  
 _"It was you? All this time it was you?" My mom whispered, her voice hoarse. "You were the one giving our son these bruises?"_  
 _"Mom, please... Just leave it?" I asked, my voice shaking._  
 _"No!" She shouted, turning to face me. "I cannot believe you didn't tell me about this! Why were you protecting him? Tell me!" She demanded._  
 _"Because I was trying to help all of us!" I yelled, my fists shaking beside me. "If I told you then it would rip this family apart, trust me. You would want to leave dad, me and Mikey would be caught in the middle of it!"_  
  
"Gerard, please? I can't lose you all again." He muttered. I turned on my heels and began walking up the stairs, my dads pleading voice stopping me in my tracks. "Please, I will do anything for you, just don't tell your mom. I can't lose any of you. If I lose you, that's it, I'll kill myself."


	6. Silent Bliss [Frank]

I climbed out of bed, my arms shaking as I held myself upright. This was the worst nightmare yet. I didn't think I would be able to wake up, yet something in me forced me to open my eyes and stare into the dark as I observed the shadows flitting around my room.  


In a way, I'm glad I did wake up, but in another way, I still wanted to sleep, to see if I would finally be able to see the identity of my saviour. I was so close this time, the shadows moving just enough for me to see his pale skin, but not far enough for me to see his face.  


My eyes flicked to the screen of my phone, squinting at the bright light that radiated from it. The numbers read 6am, and footsteps could be heard downstairs. I sighed, grabbed a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt out of my bag and got changed before heading downstairs. John stood at the stove, his hands busy as he made pancakes, James sat at the table, his head in his hands and the steam from his coffee billowing around his face.

 

"Morning." I muttered as I pulled out the chair opposite James. His head darted up, confusion clouding his features as he looked at me.

"You're up early." He observed.

"I couldn't sleep." I replied, accepting the glass of orange juice John offered, tensing slightly as he rested his hand on my shoulder.

"Oh, well, if you don't feel up to it, we can go to the school later instead?" James suggested.

"Nahh. Don't want to put it off any longer than I really have to. I mean, who knows how much I could miss out on."

"Good point." Said John, pride in his voice. "Well, we should be leaving at about eight thirty, so if you want something to eat and then to have a shower, that would be amazing." I nodded and climbed to my feet.

"What you got?" I asked, looking towards the cupboards.

"Oh honey, you don't have to ask, just raid the cupboards and stuff if you're hungry. You live here too now." James said. "But, it depends what you want, if we don't have it, we'll add it to the grocery list.

"Well, I generally just have whatever the place had, so I have no idea." I muttered.

"Have pancakes." John smiled, grabbing an extra plate. I nodded and sat back at the table, my foot twitching in anticipation.

* * *

I stepped through the doors of the school, John and James hot on my heels. They directed me towards the administrators office, smiling and waving at a few of the teachers they saw. I ignored the stares from the students, pushing through them until I safely reached the double doors. When they had caught up, I opened it, standing away from the desk whilst James told the secretary who we were. The door was pushed open, a tall-ish guy with glasses stumbling through. "Again Mikey?" The blonde haired lady asked, tutting as she sat at her computer. "How many times are you going to lose your schedule?"

"Enough for Gerard to tell me not to ask him to learn it for me anymore." He chuckled, accepting the piece of paper he was offered. "Thanks." I watched as he left the room, taking in the guitar case clutched in his fingers.

 

"Hey, wait up." I called as I pushed through the door and grabbed his arm. "Did you say Gerard?" I asked. Mikey nodded. "Sweet, so...uh, you play guitar?"

"Bass."

"Does that mean they have music classes here, like, not orchestra but like, bands and shit?" I questioned.

"Yeah, why? You thinking of joining or something?" Mikey asked.

"Actually, it's the deciding factor of whether I come here or not." I explained, turning as James called my name. "They got band!" I called.

"I know, d'you wanna come here then?" He asked.

"Yeah." I replied.

"I gotta go." Said Mikey before he disappeared off into the crowd.

 

I grabbed the schedule the lady offered me, thanking her as I left the room, reading it as I followed John to the car. "So, I start tomorrow right?" I asked.

"Yeah, are you wanting a lift down or are you going to walk it?" He asked, stopping as he waited for James to catch up.

"I'll walk it. Don't see the point as it's just down the road. Thanks for the offer though." I replied, my head darting to the left as Gerard wandered out from behind the main building, smoke billowing from his mouth.

"Gerard!" I called, his head snapping up as he heard me. he started heading in the direction, smiling softly when he came to a stop next to me.

"Hi Mr and Mr Carmichael." He said. "Hi Frank. What you doing here?"

"Gonna go to school here. What homeroom you got?"

"Uh, technically, Mr Belzicky, but how often I actually get here on time means I don't have homeroom." He chuckled. "Anyways, I've got art now, so we'll catch up tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure." I muttered, smiling as he tripped over his own feet in a hurry to get to art.

 

"So how do you know Gerard?" James asked as he made lunch.

"I met him at the park last night." I replied, grabbing the mayo from the fridge and squirting some on my sandwich. "He looked cool so I spoke to him."

"He is really nice. In fact, the whole Way family is. We might invite them round for dinner, haven't done it in a while. How does that sound babe?"

"It sounds pretty good to me." John replied, poking his head around the door. "Just let me know when and I'll whip up my famous Chicken Parmesan and cheesecake for dessert. And for you Frank, we can do something meatless." I nodded and bit into the sandwich, wiping mayo from the corner of my mouth before grabbing a glass of water.

"How long have they lived here?" I asked, curious to know more about Gerard.

"Longer than we have. I think the boys were born in the hospital in the center so, their whole lives. I don't think the boys ever go anywhere else." James explained, searching through the fridge for something. "They generally spend time with their friends down the park but sometimes they just stay at home. The family goes through a rough patch every now and then. In fact, the boys haven't come to stay for a while, so it must be heading towards a bad time. John, keep an eye out for Mikey and Gerard will ya?"

"Sure hun. They know they are always welcome here." John replied, his chair scraping across the floor as he climbed to his feet.

* * *

I grabbed my guitar out of the case, resting it on my knee as I searched for a plectrum that wasn't broken. My hand landed on my misfits one, a smile crossing my lips as I remembered the concert. After tuning my guitar, I strummed out a couple of chords, the music flowing from the tips of my fingers, lyrics running through my mind.

 

I put my guitar down and rummaged through my backpack for my song book, writing down the lyrics as they came to mind, revelling in the silent bliss that had taken over my mind with the music. I could relax more in the slow and mournful tune that came from my guitar than I could with the noise of the memories flying around my mind.

 

Music was my escape, and I would never let that get taken away from me.

* * *

I heard a knock at the door and poked my head around the corner as John opened it, his face dropping as he saw who was on the other side. "Mikey, what's wrong?" He asked.

"Just, uh..." Mikey blanched, his face going pale.

"Is it your dad?" Mikey shook his head furiously from side to side. "What's wrong then?"

"Gerard...I tried to stop him, I just...I'm sorry." He whispered.

"Don't apologise, where did he go?"

"Ben's house. Apparently he wanted to teach him a lesson." I climbed to my feet and grabbed a jacket, my footsteps on the stairs causing John to turn around.

"I'll come and help." I muttered. Mikey smiled softly, his eyebrow raised as I looked at John, pleading silently for him to let me.

"Just be safe?" He asked. I nodded and followed Mikey out of the door.

 

"Why do you want to help?" Mikey asked as we walked down the street.

"I just do. I hate seeing people in trouble."

"But you don't even know him. I mean, sure, you've spoken to him but you don't know him well enough to want to help him." He explained, holding is hand up to point at a house. "That one." I nodded and marched to the door, my hand shaking slightly as I knocked.

"Hi, is Ben in?" I asked.

"Yes, he is upstairs with a friend at the minute, you might want to come back later." A woman I assumed was his mom said.

"No, I don't think I want to come back later, I want to see him now thank you."

"Second door on the left." She sighed before tugging the door open far enough for me to step through.

 

I stood outside the door, my hand resting on the handle, Mikey's breathing heavy behind me. Shouting could be heard inside the room, but the words were almost unintelligible, all blurring into one as we tried to pick out words. "What do we do?" Mikey asked.

"It's your brother, what do you think we should do?"

"Uh, I wanna go in. Wait out here for me?" I nodded at Mikey's request, standing back as he pushed into the room.

"What the hell are you doing here Way?" Shouted who I could only assume was Ben.

"For my brother." Mikey said bluntly, his voice sounding bored.

"Well, he's not leaving till I'm finished with him." Ben sneered, his hand hitting what sounded like flesh.

  
 


	7. All For You [Gerard]

I held the wadded up tissues against my lip, my eyes flicking backwards and forwards between Mikey and Frank, their pacing wearing a hole in the tarmac. Ben hadn't been too impressed when Mikey turned, up, yelling at me that this was all a set up. It wasn't, I tried to promise him that, but he lashed out, his fists heading towards Mikey, so I did what any older brother would do, I protected my little brother. Ben ended up hitting me, Mikey and Frank dragging him off me and pinning him against the wall. I admit, I started hitting him and Mikey had to drag me from the room.  
  
"Stop fucking pacing." I snapped, wincing as the scabs on my lips pulled. "Do you know how fucking annoying it is?"  
"No, I have no idea how annoying it is but do you have any idea how scared I was? Its not something any little brother wants to see." Mikey shouted, turning to face me. "Do you have any idea how horrible it is to see your older brother getting beaten, or everything else that was going on there?"  
"Shut up Mikey. I didn't ask you to come after me did I? I wanted to put an end to Ben's fucking assholeish behaviour and you came and got involved!"  
"Yeah, and it's good fucking job I did! If me and Frank hadn't turned up when we did, you probably would be in a much worse place than you are now. Just be grateful that we came." Mikey paused, his features softening. "He was gonna rape you Gee. Imagine how much that would have hurt, how you would be right now."  
"Shut up Mikey. I know what was going to happen. You think I wasn't prepared for that outcome? I knew it was a possibility but I hoped he wouldn't. I just wanted him to leave me alone." I climbed to my feet and dropped the tissue in the trash can. I looked at them both before walking away, my footsteps echoing across the car park.  
  
I walked through the underpass and came to a stop outside the old record store. I hadn't been here in ages due to my lack of money, but now I just needed somewhere to hide, somewhere to forget the past three hours. The bell over the door rang as I pushed through, inhaling the smell of the old cardboard sleeves. The owner, Sarah, smiled at me, waving slightly as I walked over to the rock section and immersed myself in the records, flicking through them to find one I didn't yet own.  
  
 _The dust was visible in the air, dancing a crazy dance in the beams of light. I took a deep breath and tugged a record out of the stack, holding it close to my chest. My dad said he would buy me some, he told me I deserved it. I guess he was trying to bribe me, to convince me not to tell mom what he did._  
  
 _I turned over the record, my eyes scanning the words on the back. I was holding a limited edition Black Flag record with extra b-sides and bonus tracks. It was one I had wanted for ages and I was going to make the most of dad's offer, choosing the most expensive records in the store._  
  
 _"Come on Gerard, we have to get going." My dad called, a strange sort of joy in his voice._  
 _"Sure." I muttered as my head darted upright, my eyes scanning the rack for the final record I wanted, the last Misfits record for my collection._  
 _"You got what you want?" He asked, his eyes on the small stack of records in my hands. I nodded. "Sarah, we'll have these please." The woman at the checkout nodded and took them, scanning the barcodes and placing them in a bag for me._  
 _"Have fun listening to those. I've listened to the Black Flag one and it is absolutely amazing! I'm sure you'll love it." She said enthusiastically._  
 _"Thanks, I'm sure I will." I smiled as I grabbed the bag and followed my dad from the store._  
  
 _"Are you fucking her?" My dad sneered as we climbed into the car._  
 _"No." I replied._  
 _"Really? She seemed rather eager to have a conversation with you. Why would that be Gerard?"_  
 _"Dad, she does it to get more customers, that is the only reason why she's nice." I explained, trying to keep my voice even._  
 _"Really? I was hoping you were, then you wouldn't be gay." He snickered as he pulled from the parking space._  
  
I raised my hand and wiped my eyes, my hand coming away wet. I placed the record back into the display and wiped my hands down my pants. A sigh escaped my lips as I looked out the window, my gaze landing on Mikey, his hands in his pockets, his head bowed as Frank spoke to him. I shook my head almost imperceptibly and walked to the door, ignoring Sarah's questioning glance.  
  
Mikey's head darted up as I stepped next to him. "What's wrong?" I asked, looking straight at my little brother's worried face.  
"Somethings wrong Gerard. Something is very wrong." He whispered.  
"What do you mean?" I asked.  
"Frank can explain, he came up with it." I turned and looked at Frank, waiting impatiently for him to talk. He rolled his eyes and sighed before opening his mouth to talk.  
"If he really wanted to hurt you, he would have. My guess is he is gonna lie in wait and get you when you least expect it. That means you need to be on your guard because he won't leave you alone. He's gonna be watching and waiting until he can get you alone and he will hurt you and he probably won't stop and he will probably go too far and seriously hurt you and you won't wake up." Frank stopped and took a deep breath, his face going red before he turned on his heels and ran.  
  
"Wait!" I yelled as I chased him through the park. "Frank, stop running goddamnit!"  
"NO!" He shouted back, stumbling as he ran through the play park.  
"Frank, please, stop running." I shouted, my breathing heavy as I pumped my legs faster to catch up with him. I watched from afar as his legs gave up, Frank's slim body collapsing to the ground, sobs breaking free from his chest as he curled into a ball. "Frank please, I just want to talk." I whispered as I dropped to my knees next to him.  
"No!" He shouted, his arms crossed in front of him defensively. "Just go away, you're going to leave me like everyone else anyway." His voice wobbled towards the end, his eyes filling with tears.  
"Frank, talk to me, tell me what's wrong." I pleaded, my arms held out in front of me, suggesting a surrender. He shook his head, a pained sob breaking free from his chest. It was in that second I saw how vulnerable he was, how broken. I reached out and wrapped my arms around him, tugging his shaking body onto my lap. "Come on, tell me what's up Frank, I want to help."  
"They're gone, they're all gone. I'm all alone, none of this is real, it can't be. I don't deserve it, not after what I did. Not after all of that. I don't deserve it." He muttered, his words blurring together.  
"Frank, who's gone? Why don't you deserve this?" I asked, pushing at his boundaries.  
"They're gone, my mom and dad and brother. They're all gone. If only I didn't run, they would still be here, they would still be with me, they would still be alive." He paused, his body shaking with sobs. "I wouldn't be here, but they would, they would still be safe. They would still be alive."  
"Frank, I'm sure that's not true. I'm sure you didn't do anything to them." I muttered as I ran my hand through his hair, his head pressed to my chest.  
"He was after me but I ran so he killed them." Frank turned his head so he was looking at me. "If I hadn't have run, they would still be here, my family would still be alive."  
  
I held his shaking body close, running my hands through his hair and whispering innocent things in his ear. Frank held me so tight, his knuckles going white as he held my shirt in his fists. I knew that he needed protecting, not necessarily from anything real, but from the terrors he trapped in his mind, from the things he refused to accept. It would be my job to keep him safe, and I would do that right up until I died.  
  
If my dreams were anything to go by, he would need someone to lean on, someone to hold him close when he feels alone, or to be there when he has no-one else. I would stop his life being ruined even if it meant giving up my own.  
  
I would not be the cause of someone else's destruction, not if it can be prevented.


	8. My Realization [Frank]

I looked up at Gerard, my breathing finally slowing as the tears came to a stop. His eyes were closed as he hummed a melody, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I loosened my hands, my knuckles cracking audibly as I moved them. I shifted positions slightly, Gerard's eyes snapping open, a smile crossing his face as he looked at me. I managed to untangle myself and climb to my feet, my eyes darting around the dark play park. "What time is it?" I asked.  
"Getting on for eleven." Gerard responded as he stretched out his back.  
"Why did you chase me?" I asked. "No-one chases me. I'm not worth it."  
"Because I know what it feels like to be so completely alone. I know what it feels like to have no-one there and I know how it tears a person apart. I chased you because you needed someone and right at that moment in time, I was the only one there for you." He explained, his face showing a degree of seriousness I had never see before. "I couldn't leave you like that."  
"Thank you." I muttered as he climbed to his feet and reached his hand out, taking mine and tugging me towards the brightly lit street.  


* * *

I climbed the stairs towards my bedroom, grateful that James and John had chosen to leave me alone, to let me drown in my thoughts instead of quizzing why I came home so late with red ringed eyes and my hand wrapped tightly around Gerard's.  
  
When we had said goodbye, I watched after him with longing weighing heavily on my chest, my eyes following him down the street until I could see him no more. Even now, thirty minutes later, all I could think about was the way he held me and let me cry, how he didn't question why I didn't expand, how he just stayed there for me, a silent beacon of hope in the otherwise dark world that was my life.  
  
I shivered as I stripped down and climbed into bed, setting an alarm for the morning and closing my eyes, sobs fighting to break free as I tried to fall asleep.  
  
 _ **"Leave him the fuck alone!" I yelled, my eyes on the figure on the floor, my gaze occasionally darting the the person who was walking slowly closer. I slid closer to the figure on the floor, tugging his limp body onto my lap, wrapping my arms around him.**_  
 _ **"He will be mine." The standing figure sneered. "He will be like the others. He will leave you like the others."**_  
 _ **"No! You're not taking him!" I shouted, my eyes filling with tears. "You can't have him."**_  
  
 _ **The figure laughed as he reached out his hand, brushing it against the tears streaming down my face. "Looks like you care about him. Even better." He sneered.**_  
 _ **"NO!" I yelled. "You cannot have him!" The shadow stepped closer, his face filled with glee as he grabbed the boy's wrist and tugged him towards him, my hands sticky with blood, his blood.**_  
  
 _ **I screamed as the figure descended upon his hapless victim, laughing manically as I fought to get closer, to prevent the limp person being harmed. "You won't succeed." Laughed the shadow.**_  
  
 _ **"Gerard will die." Laughed the figure as my world went black.**_  
  
I lay still, staring at my ceiling, my heart thumping rhythmically against my chest. My phone told me I only had thirty minutes till I needed to get ready for school, leaving me with thirty minutes of nothing to do. My eyes wandered to my guitar, my fingers itching to pick it up and play. I refused, knowing full well if I got into playing now, I would refuse to put it down which would result in me skipping school.

* * *

I stood in front of my locker, my head against the cold metal as I prepared myself for the long day ahead. A sigh escaped my lips as the bell rang in the distance. I slung my bag back over my shoulder and wandered down the halls, my eyes searching out Gerard because we shared the same homeroom. His words from yesterday rang in my ears and I sighed, realizing that I would have to search for Mr Belzicky's homeroom on my own. "Frank!" A voice yelled from behind me, my heart rate speeding up as someone laid there hand on my shoulder.  
"Fuck Gerard, don't do that." I squeaked as I turned around to face him. "What the hell are you doing here?"  
"I couldn't leave you to face your first day alone now could I?" He asked, a smile spreading across his face as he led me into a classroom.  
  
We sat at the back, Gerard's head on the desk in front of him, my eyes roaming the back of the heads of everyone else in the classroom. I didn't recognize anyone and the teacher didn't seem to bothered about the smoking or the foul language, not that I cared either, but it felt strange that he just sat there, his head in his hands. "Gerard, what you got first?" I asked, my voice almost silent in the noise of the classroom.  
"Art." He grumbled, his forehead still glued to the table in front of him. "Shit." He muttered before he climbed to his feet, grabbed his bag and ran from the room. I climbed to my feet and followed him, the jacket from the back of his chair clasped in my fingers.  
  
"Gerard?" I called as I walked into the bathroom. "What's wrong?"  
"Go away!" He shouted back, his words rushed.  
"Why, what's wrong?" I asked again, turning the lock on the main door.  
"Just, uh... leave me alone?" He pleaded, more as a question than a statement.  
"Gerard, tell me what's wrong." I ordered, the strength in my voice shocking me.  
"Just... unwanted reactions to certain things." He said, his voice showing confusion.  
"What reactions and what things?" I pushed.  
"You and uh, you're not getting the reaction." He whispered.  
"Why not?" I asked as I slid to the floor my back against the wall.  
"Because it's not supposed to be like this. I'm not meant to..." He explained, his voice getting so low towards the end that I couldn't hear what he was saying.  
"You're not meant to what Gee?" I asked. He didn't answer, his back sliding down the wall behind me. "Gerard?"  
"Fall for you. I'm not meant to fall for you." He sighed, worry in his voice.  
  
I sat still, my heart thumping as his words echoed in my head. He was falling for me. Gerard, the person I dreamed about, was falling for me.  
  
"Frank?" He asked, his toes pressed against the toes of my sneakers. "Frank, what's wrong?" I looked up at him, my eyes filling with tears.  
"Why not?" I asked, my voice barely more than a whisper.  
"It's been two days since I met you Frank. Two days." He explained, crouching down so he was at my level. "I can't fall for you yet, not without hurting you."  
"But Gerard..." I whispered.  
"No Frank. There is so much about me that you don't know and I can't let myself fall for you without telling you so it gives you a chance to accept it or not." I looked up at him, my eyes glazed over, my gaze darting from his eyes to the floor.  
"I don't care what's wrong with you, if there is even anything wrong. I am such a huge fuck up that I don't care. I just...Please?" I pleaded, looking directly into his eyes. "Please don't say you're not meant to because you are. I know you are Gerard. We are meant to fall for each other, I just know it. Don't ever say that because I don't want to be alone and if you're not there then I am alone."  
"Frank..." He muttered, his voice hoarse. Gerard reached his hand out, his thumb stroking my cheek as he leant his forehead against mine. "I said I wasn't meant to, not that I would stop it."  
  
I looked up, my eyes filled with hope. I reached my arms out, leaning one over his shoulders, the other tangled in his hair as I crashed my lips to his, relaxing back in his embrace, sliding further down the wall until he was practically lying on me. I pulled back to take a deep breath, my eyes looking anywhere but at Gerard. Our breathing was heavy, matched perfectly in pace, my heart thumping against my chest as I wrapped my arms around Gerard.  
  
"I couldn't stop it even if I wanted to." Gerard whispered.


	9. I Will Never Leave Your Side [Gerard]

I looked at Frank across the classroom, his back hunched as he worked. A soft smile graced my lips as I thought of what we shared, the small chance to accept our feelings for each other. My heart hadn't slowed down since he kissed me and all I could taste was him.  
  
It wasn't the right time though, not yet. He still needed protecting and I couldn't do that if my feelings for him were clouding any rationality that I still had. It is never a good thing to lose yourself that far in someone, but I can't help it. Every time I close my eyes, he is all I see. It started when the dreams did, but now I can actually hold him in my arms and tell him how much he means to me.  
  
"Gerard!" The teacher called, a look of annoyance on their face, the whole class looking at me. "Now I have your attention, what is the answer to the question?" I could feel my cheeks go red.  
"Can you, uh.. repeat the question?" I asked, my eyes on the desk in front of me.  
"Yes, I can. Please explain to the class how Frankenstein is considered a gothic novel." The teacher asked, a smirk crossing her face.  
"Well, there are many points that you can look at in this. Examples are Elizabeth as the damsel in distress, the tension caused by the unknown, the wilderness being the main setting and how there is a ton of foreshadowing with the things that are said by Frankenstein so how he knows the monster is going to be bad. Also, pathetic fallacy shows the mood. Like rain and stuff." I explained, sticking my tongue out at Frank when his jaw dropped.  
"Thank you Mr Way. Next time I call on you I expect you to be paying attention, not drooling over whatever takes your fancy." I nodded at what the teacher said and closed my mouth, my tongue darting out to lick my dry lips as I focused on the lecture.

* * *

I watched Mikey as he paced my room, his lower lip swollen and bleeding. His hands were clenched in fists by his side, his breathing ragged as he tried to contain his fury. "I swear to god Gerard, I am fed up of being beaten just because they have no fucking life!"  
"Mikey, calm down, I told you I'd sort it, I just need time to work out how to do it without getting in a fist fight again." I explained, my pencil clutched between my fingers as I gazed at the math problem.  
"You'll sort it? Getting that close to Ben will only get you hurt!" Mikey yelled, coming to a stop in front of me. "You've been different since you got home. What's wrong?"  
"Nothing's wrong." I muttered as I scribbled down some workings.  
"Well why have you been acting so different?" He pushed.  
"No reason, I guess I just found a reason to keep fighting." I replied.  
"Dude, you've been subconsciously stroking your lips and staring into space. Something happened."  
  
I looked up at Mikey, surprised that he was being so attentive for once. "Who said anything happened?"  
"Your body language and the way you just keep staring off into space. Now, tell me what happened." Mikey pushed.  
"Look, Mikey, nothing happened, nothing at all." I replied and climbed to my feet. "Now, excuse me, but I have to go and speak to dad."  
  
I stood in the kitchen, observing the empty bottle of Jack sat next to my dad on the floor. "Dad." I muttered as I crouched next to him. "Enough with the alcohol. I didn't tell anyone, so you can stop drinking now."  
"No." He growled, his hand reaching out for the empty bottle.  
"Come on dad, I did what you said, I didn't tell anyone, now stop the alcohol."  
  
 _"No." He snapped._  
 _"Why not dad?" I asked as I slid to the floor next to him. "Tell me why."_  
 _"Because I need it. It keeps me happy and alive. If I didn't drink I would be dead because there is no point me being here._  
 _"Dad." I muttered, an edge of sadness sneaking into my voice. "There is a reason for you to be here. We love you dad. I need you and so does Mikey."_  
 _"But Gee, it would be better of if I was dead. We all know it now stop pretending that you need me because we know you don't. You'll do just as well without me."_  
 _"Dad..." I began._  
  
"...No we won't. Just, please dad? Stop drinking? You're drinking yourself into a pit and it scares me that one day I'm going to wake up and you're not going to be here. You have to be here dad. I need you." I pleaded as I sat next to him, my hands on the bottle.  
"I don't see why. I hurt you son and it tears me up inside. I just....I want to stop but the only way to stop is to stop being here." He paused, his tongue reaching out to lick his lips. "I have to leave somehow Gerard."  
"No." I almost yelled. "Dad, you can't go. Please? I promise I can help you get better. I don't care if you hit me I just can't lose you." I muttered, my voice sinking below a whisper. "Please?" I begged as I looked at him, choking up as he hesitated.

* * *

_**"I promise I won't leave you." I muttered into his hair, pressing my lips against his head.** _   
_**"Really?" He asked, his green eyes staring at me out of the gloom.** _   
_**"Yeah Frankie. I'll always be here for you." I smiled and wrapped my arms tighter around his shaking body.** _   
  
_**"I'm scared Gee." He whispered, his voice portraying the pain he was trying to hide. "I don't want to die." He sobbed.** _   
_**"You won't Frankie, I promise. They're on their way, they'll help you. I promise." I said, trying to believe the words I was saying.** _   
_**"I...I love you Gerard." Frankie muttered as his body resumed its violent shaking.** _   
_**"I love you too." I whispered, my heart sinking as I realized that this would be the first and only time I heard these words, or said them back.** _   
  
_**"I'm so cold." Frank muttered, he teeth clattering, his body shuddering in my arms. "I'm....I'm going to die aren't I?" He asked, his eyes filled with tears as he looked at me. I opened my mouth and sat there like a fish before closing it, not wanting to speak the words on my mind. "Please Gerard, be honest." He whispered.** _   
_**"Yes." I sighed as I held in the sobs threatening to break free. "Yes Frankie, you are and I really wish it could be different, that it was me laying there instead of you, that I had gone through all of the shit you had gone through because it means that you wouldn't be dying Frankie, it means that you would still be alive and happy and have the chance to love someone else instead of wasting the time you were fine loving some major fuck up like me because I got you here and I really wish I could take it back Frankie, I really do."** _   
_**"I don't care that I spent my living time loving you because, guess what Gerard, it was the best time of my life." Frank protested, his face contorting as a cough forced its way from his throat, his breaths coming in ragged gasps.** _   
  
_**I held Frankie close as his breathing became deeper, his heart rate slower. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you." I muttered as he looked up at me with vacant eyes, his final breath leaving him in a gasp of pain. I held his body close, my eyes scanning the room until I found what I was looking for, the blade that did this to him. My hand snaked across the floor until I had hold of it, my fingers shaking as I held it above my throat, my breathing ragged as I said my final goodbyes, sent a prayer to whomever was up there. In one move, I brought the blade to my throat, digging it into the soft flesh as my life bled from me.** _

* * *

I held my breath as I sat up, completely scared that I would scream and wake everyone up, my heart thumping against my ribcage. My stomach lurched as I climbed to my feet, staggering to the window and pulling it open. The cool breeze flowing through chilled my sweaty skin, the moonlight reflecting off something cradled beneath the tree.  
  
My feet were freezing as I padded, barefoot, across the grass, my heart hitting my stomach as I saw Frank's frail form curled under the tree. "Frank?" I asked as I stepped close, taking in the tear stained cheeks, the red rimmed eyes and the scratched skin. "What happened?"  
"I...I thought you were dead." He sobbed as he climbed to his feet and threw himself at me. "I was so scared."  
"Whoa Frankie, I'm not dead, I'm fine. See?" I said as I held him close. "Perfectly alive."  
"But Gerard, they were hurting you, they said they would make you pay. Gerard...What's happening?" He asked.  
"I don't know." I muttered as I held his shivering body against mine. "Let's get you inside."  
  
I kicked Mikey's door open and flicked his light on, waiting for him to wake up before I told him to get his ass to my room. Frank was cradled against my chest, his breathing ragged. I kicked my bedding out the way and lay him on my matress, tugging off his dew damp clothes and pulling some sweats out of my drawers. "Can you get these on?" I asked. He nodded, his teeth chattering non stop.  
"What d'ya want Gee?" Mikey yawned as he leant against my doorframe, his eyes widening when he saw Frank. "What the hell?" He asked, his voice raising an octave.  
"I don't know Mikey. I really don't know." I replied as I sat on my bed and tugged Frank into my arms. "He said he thought I was dead but the weirdest thing? I just dreamt that he was, like literally just before I saw him outside..." I whispered.  
"You're being played." Mikey muttered. "Someone or something is fucking with you. It's ripping your minds to shreds."  
"I know what it is..." Frank whispered, his green eyes turned towards the floor.  
"What is it Frank?" Mikey asked, kneeling in front of him.  
  
"It's the same as it's always been, and always will be..."


	10. I Believe You Need The Truth [Frank]

"It's the same as it's always been, and always will be..."  
  
I held my breath and looked at the brothers, my heart pounding as I waited for them to say something. Mikey spoke first. "What do you mean?" He asked as he pushed the door closed and crossed his legs underneath him.  
"Exactly what I said." I whispered. "It's not the first time it happened, these dreams, feelings. Its part of the problem I was put in the orphanage. I kept having these weird dreams that people were going to get hurt and things were going to happen to them so I would try to save them. Over time, they migrated into me watching my own death and it sucked. I did everything I could to avoid it but I still had to watch it. One of them came true, but I wasn't home so uh...it happened to my family instead." I shut my eyes and took a deep breath, the memory tearing holes in my mind.  
"What happened?" Mikey asked, speaking for Gerard.  
  
 _I stepped through the front door, the smell of copper fresh in my nose. I dropped my keys into the bowl and walked forwards, feeling along for the light switch. "Dad?" I called, waiting for a second before calling out again. "Mom? Where are you guys?" After a five minute wait without a reply, I wandered slowly up the stairs, the bottom of my shoes sticking in something on the wood. I looked down, a gasp leaving my lips when I saw the pool of blood._  
  
 _"Loopy loo?" I muttered as I walked to Liam's room, my breathing hitching when I saw the trail of blood leading to the closet. "Loopy?" I asked as I tugged the door open. "Where are you Loopy?" I searched through the pile of clothes and came up empty handed, my heartbeat the only thing I could hear._  
  
 _My feet lead me to my mom and dad's room, my hand hesitating on the door knob as I prepared myself for what I would find inside. After taking a deep breath, I pushed the door open, a strangled cry leaving my lips as I saw them, naked and bloody, laying on the top of their covers. "Mom? Dad?" I asked, my eyes scanning for my little brother._  
  
 _I ran over and reached my hand out, checking for a pulse. When I couldn't find one, I openly screamed, my voice echoing off the walls. "Loopy Loo!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, my heart shattering in the silence as I waited for a reply._  
 _"Fwankie!" I heard from the closet, strangled sobs reaching my ears. I ran, my feet pounding against the mahogany floor._  
 _"Loopy." I muttered as I pulled the door open, his fragile body sat in the corner, blood dripping from multiple wounds. "I've got ya buddy." I muttered as I climbed into the closet with him, wrapping my arms around his already cold body._  
 _"Fwankie, are mommy and daddy okay?" He muttered, his teeth chattering, his voice low. I bit my bottom lip, not looking forward to lying, but looking forward to telling the truth even less._  
 _"I don't know Loopy, you were the first one I found." I whispered, cringing at the blatant lie._  
 _"I'm sorry Fwankie." He muttered as he drew in a ragged breath before going still._  
  
"That's how they found us, Liam in my arms, my mom and dad sprawled out naked on the bed, all three dead. Apparently it was rape then murder, but Liam was fine, he didn't get raped, his was just killed, and I know that sounds brutal, but at least he didn't get hurt." I paused and took a deep breath. "The coroner found a note in my dad's chest cavity saying that whoever did it wanted me, but because he couldn't have me, he had my parents instead. They caught him, he's been locked up ever since."  
"Frank." Gerard muttered, his lips against the skin of my forehead. "I am so so sorry." He whispered, his voice choked up.  
"Don't apologize." I muttered, stifling a yawn. "Can I...?" I began.  
"Sleep here? Sure." Gerard said. "Mikes, we can talk more in the morning, I think Frank's tired."

* * *

I stood under the stream of water, grateful that Gerard's parents didn't seem to confused as to why their son's new friend suddenly appeared in the middle of the night. I think the hardest part to explain was why I went so red when Gerard walked down in his boxers with his hair ruffled.

  
The heat from the shower was giving me something else to think about, the way each drop hit my body or the way that the heat radiated from my back round to my front. Gerard had laid out a towel for me and told me to help myself to his clothes, so I turned off the water and climbed from the shower, holding onto the edge of the bath for support.  
  
Once I had the towel wrapped firmly around my waist, I stepped from the bathroom, looking either way before walking to Gerard's room, closing the door softly behind me. A low whistle caused my to spin around, my hand dropping to the towel as it began slipping over my hips. "Ge..Gerard..." I stammered, my face rapidly heating up. "I thought you were downstairs."  
"I had to get a different t-shirt." He muttered, his eyes on the floor in front of his feet. "I can turn around if you want?" He asked. I bit my bottom lip, flinching at the taste of blood.  
"You don't have to." I whispered, my voice low.  
  
His head shot up, his cheeks bright red as his eyes widened. "I mean it." I muttered as I stepped towards his drawers, pulling the top one open to grab some boxers out. I held them in my hands as I tried to work out how to get them on without dropping the towel, my face going red and my heart pounding as I realized there was no feasible way to do it. I muttered a low "shit" under my breath before dropping the towel and stepping into the underwear, my cheeks on fire as I heard Gerard gasp.  
  
When I turned round, his cheeks were red, his eyes averted, his hands tied in knots by his waist. "Uh..." He muttered as he raised his head.  
"Shh." I sighed as I stepped closer, my hands wrapping around his waist. I felt his arms snake around my shoulder before he sighed, his chin coming to rest on top of my head.  
"Why do you do this to me?" He growled seductively.  
"Do what?" I asked, completely oblivious to what he meant.  
  
Gerard grabbed my hand and moved it, placing it on his crotch. "Do that..." He muttered. I felt my cheeks burst into flames as the blood rushed to them, the red on par with a fire.  
"Uh..." I whispered. "I don't know..."  
"I don't either." He muttered before leaning down and capturing my lips. I felt his hands slid down my sides, his fingers tracing patterns on my flesh. I gasped as Gerard squeezed my butt lightly, his hands sliding to my thighs so he could pick me up, my legs tangling themselves round his waist.  
  
Gerard stumbled backwards, collapsing onto his bed, my chest hovering mere inches from his. I groaned into the kiss, biting his bottom lip as his fingertips slid below the waistband of the boxers, his fingers brushing my bare ass. I slid my crotch downwards, rubbing myself against Gerard, choosing the second he parted his lips to slip my tongue inside, flicking my tongue as his hands slid round the front, his hands tugging me closer against him.  
  
"Oh god!" I groaned as he thrust upwards, the movement making me even harder. "Goddamnit Gee." I moaned, leaning down and pressing my forehead against his. Our breathing matched in pace as Gerard closed his eyes, his hands still against my bare ass, my hands tangled in his hair. "I've..." I began, my cheeks going red. "I've uh... never done it before." I muttered, my voice barely above a whisper.  
"I'll be careful." He whispered, his voice hoarse. I bit my bottom lip, taking a second to think before nodding, leaning down to press my lips against his, sucking his bottom lip in between my teeth. He kissed back, his back arching and pressing his clothed erection against my crotch.  
  
"Gerard!" Mikey yelled from outside the door. "We gotta go soon." Gerard groaned, his eyes closed and his head thrown back against the pillows.  
"Goddamnit." He groaned low enough for only me to hear before speaking louder. "Sure, we'll be out in a minute." He threw an apologetic look at me before pressing his lips to mine, his fingers grazing the tip of my erection before he pulled his hands free. "Later." He promised as he helped me to my feet.


	11. I just had a gut feeling [Gerard]

I slid my books into my locker and pushed the door closed, resting my forehead against it as I fought back a yawn. I arched my arms above my head, cringing as my back cracked, before picking up my bag and slinging the strap over my shoulder. "Frankie." I smiled as he stopped in front of me, his folders clutched in his hands, a smile gracing his lips.  
"Gee." He whispered, his eyebrow raised.  
"I wanna finish what we started earlier." I smirked.  
"Later." He chuckled as he grabbed my hand and we walked to the cafeteria together.  
  
Kids threw things at us as we walked past them, voices yelling faggot as we queued up. I felt my hands start to shake, the anger filling my bones as I saw Frank's face drop. Mikey ran up to us, his breathing heavy as he queued with us. "What the fuck are they yelling at?" He asked, his eyes filled with worry when he saw how close to tears Frank was.  
"Hold my bag." I muttered low enough for Mikey to hear. I turned to Frank. "Do you trust me?" I asked, my eyebrow raised as I waited for an answer.  
"Yeah." He replied. "Why?"  
"It doesn't matter, that was all I needed to hear." I muttered before kissing him on the cheek.  
  
"'Scuse me." I said to the person closest, climbing on the chair next to them until I was standing on the table. "Whoever the fuck it is in here that has an issue with me holding another guy's hand needs to stand the fuck up and say it to my face. There is nothing wrong with liking another guy, not when it is someone as amazing as Frank. If you guys don't like it, then fuck you. Maybe you belong back in the nineteenth century, not twenty-fucking-fourteen." I snapped, staring down anyone who dared to meet my eye. "If you hadn't have worked out yet, it is perfectly all right for a guy to love a guy or a girl to love a girl or for someone to feel more comfortable dressing as the other gender. If you are that fucking low that you can't accept that, then maybe you don't belong in a civilized society."  
  
I took a breath as I stepped down from the table, my hand reaching for Frank's and tugging him closer to me. "See, they are just idiots." I muttered into his ear as a slow round of applause filled the canteen.  
"Whoooo, go Gerard!" Someone called, catcalling as I wrapped my arm tighter around Frank. I pressed my lips to his forehead, my arms wrapped tight around his shoulders.  
"You mean the world to me hun." I mutttered.

* * *

 

I slid into my chair at the back of the classroom and pulled out my lyrics binder, hoping having it in front of me was enough to show the teacher I was working. Frank and Mikey slid next to me, their respective instruments clutched in their hands. "Help." Mikey muttered.  
"What?" I asked as I flipped to a blank page.  
"We gotta perform something next week." He hissed.  
"So?" I asked. "How does that affect me?"  
"Sir wants you to sing." Frank replied.  
  
My jaw dropped. "That's not fucking happening!" I almost yelled. "Why the hell does he think I'll sing in front of them all?" I hissed, my hands flying over the words on the page.  
"I have no idea. He said you had to or you would fail the class." Mikey muttered, a frown on his lips.  
"Shit." I muttered, my head dropping until my forehead hit the table.  
  
"Micheal, Gerard, can I talk to you outside for a minute please?" The teacher asked, his voice low and filled with worry. I hesitated before nodding, climbing to my feet and waiting for Mikey to follow me. "So, the principal just sent me an email saying I needed to ask you how things were at home. I don't know why, so..uh... how are things at home?"  
"They're good." Mikey replied, his eyes on me as my face grew pale.  
"Gerard?" Sir asked.  
"Sorry, feel a little sick but yeah, things are good, getting better I guess." I replied as I leant against the wall.  
"Okay, well, give yourselves a minute before you come back inside, Gerard, go and get a drink or something." I nodded and sank to the floor, placing my arms across my knees and resting my forehead on my forearms.  
  
"Gerard?" Mikey asked, his voice filled with worry. "Gee, what's wrong?"  
"Somethings wrong." I muttered before I climbed to my feet and started running down the corridor. "Tell sir I had to go home, get my bag, tell Frank I'll call him." I yelled before I rounded the corner and left the building.

* * *

 

I sprinted down the street, skidding up the drive and barreling through the front door. "Dad?" I called. "Mom? You here?"  
"Yes Gerard, what's wrong honey?" My mom asked, poking her head around the door from the living room.  
"Somethings wrong. Where's dad?" I rushed. "Where is he?" I repeated when mom looked at me blank.  
"I think he went into the garden, why Gerard?"  
"Nothing." I muttered as I ran into the garden.  
  
"Dad!" I yelled as I came to the old tree, my breathing coming in gasps as I grabbed hold of the rungs to the ladder, pulling myself up and poking my head through the hole in the bottom of the tree house. "Dad...." I muttered as I set eyes on his immobile form on the floor, goosepimples standing out on his pale skin. "Oh fuck dad, what the hell have you done?" I pulled myself the rest of the way into the tree house and slid across the floor until I was sat next to him, my hand searching for a pulse. "Come on." I muttered, my heart thumping as I found one, the weak flutter against my finger telling me something was wrong.  
  
"Gerard, what's going on up there?" My mom called from the bottom of the ladder.  
"Call an ambulance." I replied. "Tell them that dad has passed out. He has a pulse, it's just weak."  
"Tell me what happened Gerard!" She ordered.  
"Just call an ambulance mom, something could be really wrong!" I snapped, biting my tongue before I said anything else.  
  
I slid to the ground as they strapped my dad to the gurney, my breathing heavy, my heart thumping against my chest. Mom had called the school and had Mikey excused. He was stood next to me, confusion etched on his features. When my mom went back inside, Mikey grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the tree house, dropping to the floor before opening his mouth to speak. "How did you know?" He asked me.  
"I don't know. I just had this really horrible feeling that something was wrong and when I got home and saw that mom was safe, I knew it was dad." I paused, flicking some dust off my pants leg. "I have no idea what would have happened if I hadn't turned up though."  
"He would have been fine Gee. Mom would have come to check on him and she would have seen what had happened."

* * *

 

I curled up on my bed, a pillow squashed between my arms, my breathing heavy. Mikey paced my room, his hands folded behind his back. He didn't want to leave me since I passed out. He told me he was scared that something deeper was going on.  
  
My phone rang against my dresser and Mikey picked it up, holding it against his ear. "Hi. Uh, no it's Mikey. Because he passed out. No, look, I don't think that's such a good idea." He paused, chewing on his bottom lip. "No, he's fine, I promise, he just needs sleep. Frank, just listen to me goddamnit!" He almost yelled. "Just wait until tomorrow, I promise he'll be coming to school, you can see him then." Mikey pulled my phone away from his ear and hung up the call, dropping it onto my dresser.  
  
"Sorry." He muttered, looking at me apologetically. "If you wanna see him, I can call him back for ya, tell him to come over." I shook my head, my eyelids heavy.  
"I just wanna sleep forever." I whispered, my head aching from the small movement.  
"Well, sleep. I'll come wake you up later and make sure everything is okay. After that, well, it's up to you really." Mikey muttered before closing my bedroom door behind me


	12. Your shadows haunt me even now [Frank]

I threw my phone against the wall opposite and ran my hands through my hair, my breathing ragged as I stared at the floor. First, Gerard runs off without an explanation, second, Mikey refuses to let me see him? There had to be something up, but me being me, I was too chicken to turn up and ask.  
  
A knock at my door caused my head to shoot up, stabbing pains jarring my neck. "Yeah?" I asked, struggling to keep the annoyance out of my voice.  
"Frank, what's wrong?" James asked, his face filled with concern. "We heard you throw something."  
"Just my phone, and yeah, I guess...." I sighed as I bent to pick up my phone, replacing the back before sliding it into my pocket. James looked at me, his eyebrow cocked, his arms folded over his chest. His toe tapped quietly on the wooden floor whilst he waited for an answer. "Fine!" I groaned. "They won't let me see Gerard."  
"Why does that bother you?" James asked, curiosity making him breach my barrier.  
"Because it does... I never had anyone back home and now I have all these people and he just means so much to me and I think I'm falling in love with him...." I ranted, grateful that my words blurred into one towards the end. "I just... I wanna know he's okay."  
"I'm sure he is Frank. Maybe he's just sick and they don't want you to catch it? I'm sure that's what it is." James said, his aim to calm me. I sighed, but nodded, deciding that I would have to make do with that explanation until I got something better.  
  
I span my fork in the pasta, holding the spaghetti above the plate and staring at it, captivated with the way the sauce dripped off each strand and landed on the plate. John was talking to James about some business deal and I was dreaming, my mind wandering over the last time I had a proper family meal before I moved here. It sucked, my dad was drunk, my mom tired and my little brother almost asleep in his dinner. Even though it sucked, it was still special, it still meant the world to me.  
  
"Can I go see Tim after dinner?" I asked, my head shooting up when the room fell silent.  
"Hun, we were going to talk to you about that." John said, his voice low, his words carefully chosen.  
"About what? I promised him I would visit." I replied curtly.  
"We know, and we know you can't break that promise, but things are probably still not feeling comfortable with you which means it might not be the best idea." John responded.  
"And what? I can still go and see him. He looked up to me and I'm not going to break a promise. I said I would visit, just please... don't make me go against your wishes..." I muttered, my voice shrinking at the end.  
"Frank, give it another couple of days. I promise, you can see him soon." John said, his face serious.  
"Fine." I snapped as my fork clattered to the plate and my chair screeched across the kitchen floor. "I'll be in my room."  
  
"He's missing, Frank." James muttered just as I left the room. I froze, my heartbeat pounding in my ears, my breathing the only sound I could hear. I turned slowly, my head spinning as I leant against the wall.  
"What?" I muttered, my voice hoarse. "What did you say?"  
"Tim went missing last night. He said at dinner that he needed to get something from the store, he never came back." James explained as he climbed from he chair and stood beside me, his hand on my shoulder.  
"He's five for crying out loud! Who in their right fucking mind would let him go to the store on his own?" I yelled, the rage causing my body to shake uncontrollably. "Who the hell?" I raged, silent tears streaming down my face.  
  
I slid down the wall, landing on the floor with a quiet thud. "Who? How could they?" I asked, looking at James through my tear filled eyes.  
"Frank, their looking for him. They told us they are doing all they can. They promised they would keep us updated." I sobbed, unsure what to say next. I staggered to my feet and reached for my shoes. I slipped them onto my feet and tugged the front door open, picking a direction and running. "Frank!" James called, his voice echoing in the strangely silent street.  
  
 _"Frank, running away isn't the answer." Yelled my dad. "Please, just... come back? Liam needs you, your mom needs you." He paused. "I need you."_  
  
 _I ignored my dad's pleas and ran, my feet pounding against the hot tarmac. My breathing was coming in gasps, my heart thudding against my ribcage. My mind refused to process my surroundings, the constant thump of my footsteps the only familiar sound in the growing darkness._  
  
 _Cars screamed past, horns honking as I crossed the street without looking, my hands thrown up in apology in case I scared one of them. When I came to the park, I slid down the wall surrounding the enclosure, curling my arms around my legs and resting my chin on them, sighing as I closed my eyes and calmed myself down, tears streaking my face._  
  
A shudder worked its way around my shoulders, the damp air making my t-shirt stick to my back. My chin dug into my forearms, causing my fingers to go numb, but I didn't care, not while Tim was missing, his fear filling every space left in my brain. A sob forced itself free from my throat, a dog walker looking up in surprise. I glared at him, warning him to keep his distance before I staggered to my feet and felt for my phone in my pocket.  
  
 **To: James**  
 **From: Frank**  
 **Message: I'm safe, I just need some space. Sorry for running. I didn't know what else to do.**  
  
 **To: Frank**  
 **From: James**  
 **Message: Come home when you're ready. I'll be here for you to talk to, remember that, okay?**  
  
 **To: James**  
 **From: Frank**  
 **Message: Thanks. Apologise to John for me? I didn't mean to snap.**  
  
I slid my phone back into my pocket and shoved my hands deep in them, relishing the small amount of warmth it gave me. My feet began leading me in the direction of my old house, the one I lived in when I still lived with my parents.  
  
It felt strange being back in the same town, but I guess it was good for me, it gave me the chance to finally heal, to put my past to rest. I stepped over the street, my feet refusing to step past the creaking gate, my eyes flashing to the condemned sign hanging from the porch. It seemed that no-one had wanted to buy it since my family was murdered, since I came out as a scared little boy, blood mingling with the tears streaking down my face.  
  
The police had to wrench Liam from my arms. I had refused to give him up, scared that he would be lonely when he woke, even though I knew he was gone, and that he wasn't going to come back. The front door squealed through the silence as I pushed it open, my eyes just making out the faded coppery blood stains on the carpet.  
  
My feet led me up the stairs, my shoes scuffing at the blood stains. Inside my bedroom were all the familiar things, the soft toys, the old train set Liam used to bring in, the one I would insult in the middle of the night when I stood on the tiny carriages. My clothes were still heaped in the corner, dust covering every surface I could reach. A guitar case was leant against the corner, probably still containing the guitar it was originally brought for.  
  
I hesitated outside my mom and dad's room, not sure if I wanted to go in or not, whether the memories would be too much for me. Even still, I pushed the door open and gazed upon the bed, the sheets they were laying on missing. My moms perfume bottles were still lined up on the mantelpiece, my dads work clothes hung over the back of the rocking chair. My eyes lingered on the cupboard, my feet refusing to budge when I tried to step forwards, to see the cocoon me and Liam buried ourselves in as I held his dying form.  
  
Instead, they pushed me backwards, away from the room and towards the only closed door in the house. I knew Liam's room was behind it, but I still hesitated, unsure of whether I wanted to look or not.  
  
Something forced me to push it open, tears falling freely down my face as I observed the state it was in. I smiled softly when I spotted a half finished picture laying on his table, the crayons strewn haphazardly on the carpet.  
  
Stepping carefully over them all, I wandered over to the bed, hesitating for a second before sitting down and picking up his teddy, one ear chewed almost off. He used to chew it when he had a nightmare, it calmed him down just enough for him to come and climb into bed with me, took away the fear just long enough for him to scamper down the corridor and push my door open.  
  
I lay down, my head buried in Liam's pillow, a tear dropping onto the fabric as I breathed in his familiar talcum powder smell, still so fresh after all these years. "I'm sorry." I muttered with my eyes closed. "I am so sorry I couldn't save you Loopy, I am so goddamn sorry!"  
  
 _ **"It's not your fault Fwankie. You tried." Liam muttered, his face obscured by shadows.**_  
 _ **"But I wasn't quick enough." I protested.**_  
 _ **"I know Fwankie, but you twied. I died happy Fwankie." He whispered as he stepped into the light, blood streaking his innocent face.**_  
 _ **"I miss you Loopy." I sobbed, sitting up and opening my arms for him to come closer. "I miss you so much."**_  
  
 _ **Liam stepped closer, his arms outstretched to me, the blood dripping from him in trickles, growing until they became a river. "I know you tried, but it just wasn't enough now was it?" He laughed. "He still died!" Liam yelled, his face morphing into something else, the flesh dripping from his skin, his eyes melting from the sockets. "Your little brother still died. It's your fault Frank! If you hadn't have run, they would still be here. YOU killed them Frank, remember that!" His skeletal jaw yelled, the bony fingers reaching out, wrapping around my throat, tightening, choking, killing.**_


	13. You're past haunts you still, but I promise I'll never leave [Gerard]

I placed my feet on the floor, my hands braced either side of me on the mattress. Mikey was stood in the doorway, his face like stone as he looked at me. "Why the fuck did you wake me?" I snapped. "It's like..." I looked at the clock. "Too fucking early."  
"Frank didn't go home last night..." Mikey muttered. "James just called and asked if we had seen him."  
"When did they last see him?" I asked as I climbed to my feet, slightly wobbly as I walked to my dresser to grab some clothes.  
"Uh, James said around dinner time, so uh, about 7." Mikey replied, twirling his phone in his hands.  
"I'm going to go find him. Let mom know when she wakes up." I replied as I slid on my converse and tied the laces.  
  
I ran down the street, my heart pounding as I tried to work out where he was. My phone sat against my thigh, thoughts running around my mind as I pulled it out and leant against a wall.  
  
 **To: Frank**  
 **From: Gerard.**  
 **Message: Where are you?**  
  
 **To: Gerard**  
 **From: Frank**  
 **Message: At my house...**  
  
 **To: Frank**  
 **From: Gerard**  
 **Message: You're not, James just called....you didn't go home....**  
  
 **To: Gerard**  
 **From: Frank**  
 **Message: My first house....**  
  
I dropped my phone back into my pocket and picked up my pace, running towards the house that was aptly named 'the murder house'. No-one was stupid enough to live there after what happened, but Frank clearly remembered.  
  
"Frank?" I yelled as I walked through the front door, the musty smell of dried blood and dust making me hold my breath. "Frank, where are you?" I shouted.  
"Upstairs." Came the one word reply, his voice filled with and edge of something. I ran up the stairs, looking in the first two doors I came to. One looked like it could have been Frank's room, the other was his parents room and both were empty.  
  
The other door led to a young childs bedroom, his brothers, I guessed. Frank was curled up on the small bed, tears streaking his face, his body shaking as he sobbed. "Frankie, I'm here. It's okay." I muttered as I knelt beside him, my hand on his shoulder. "I've got you."  
"If I hadn't have ran away, they would still be alive." He muttered into the toy he had clutched in his hands. "Liam would be finishing that picture, mom and dad would be doing something together..."  
"But you wouldn't be here Frankie." I murmured. "And I don't know what I would do if that was the case."  
"Survive. You didn't know who I was. It wouldn't have made any difference." Frank replied, his hands shaking.  
"I did know who you were, but the younger me, the fat me, refused to talk to anyone, especially after I played Peter Pan. I watched you every day in the library, your headphones in as you wrote music. I was just a fucking chicken." I explained. "It would have made the biggest fucking difference because I changed when you left. I became someone who would talk to you, who would be able to speak to someone they liked. I would have been so fucking broken if you died." I paused. "I probably wouldn't be here either."  
  
He sat up suddenly, his bottom lip trembling. "Don't you dare say that." He ordered. "Don't you dare say that to me, ever Gerard. Don't you dare." Frank wrapped his hands around my shoulders, his fingers tangling in my hair.  
"Frank." I muttered as I pulled my head back, my eyes on his trembling bottom lip. "Frank, look at me." His head titled, his green eyes bright in the dim morning light. "I promise you right now that I will never, ever hurt myself. Not now I have you."  
"Really?" He asked. I nodded and pressed my lips against his, my arms tightening around his shaking body. "Not... here." Frank muttered before climbing to his feet and grabbing my hand.  
  
He led me to his old room, throwing the covers off his bed before dragging me on top of him. I leant down, capturing his lips with mine as my hands roamed his body, sliding underneath the thin material of his t-shirt. Frank's hands slid below the waistband of my pants, hesitating slightly before slipping below my boxers. I felt him tense as he stroked me, his heart fluttering a million miles an hour. He pulled back, his cheeks red as he averted his eyes. "We don't have to." I muttered, my hands resting on his chest.  
"I'm sorry." He sighed, his voice low. "I'm just...I don't know."  
"Frankie, look at me. It's fine. We can wait until you are ready. I promise."  
"I'm sorry Gerard. I didn't mean to ruin the moment." Frank sighed.

* * *

 

I stepped through the front door and yawned, my fingers automatically tangling in my hair. My mom stood at the bottom of the stairs, her arms folded, a scowl on her lips. "And where the hell were you?" She snapped.  
"Helping to find Frank." I replied, flinching back at her terse tone.  
"And did you not think I would be worried about you, walking into your room to get you up for school to find it empty?"  
"Mom, I told you where he was!" Yelled Mikey from the kitchen.  
"Shut up Micheal." She yelled. "Look, I have no idea why you want to know that boy. He has a past Gerard and getting involved with him is only going to fuck you up."  
"Like I'm not already." I replied as I pushed past her and began walking up the stairs.  
"Gerard, I'm only saying this because I worry. I know what you were like when Ben hurt you and I don't want it to happen again."  
"It won't." I said as I turned to face her. "You wanna know why? Because Frank is different mom. Remember that boy I had a crush on before it all kicked off with Ben, before I knew what was wrong with me? That was Frank mom. I'm gonna relish every second I get to spend with him because I've been waiting for this chance for years and I'm not going to just throw it away because he has a past. I know he has a past but that has helped him become who he is today and I will not change that for the world." I paused. "I have never fallen as hard for anyone as I am for Frank and I can't stop it. I couldn't even if I tried mom. I really couldn't."  
  
I walked upstairs and threw myself onto my bed, adjusting my pants as they started becoming uncomfortably tight. "Goddamnit." I muttered as I threw my head back, groaning in frustration.  
"Gee?" Mikey asked from the other side of my door. "We gotta go in a bit, you gonna have a shower now or later cuz.. uh... yeah..."  
"I'm gonna have one now...just give me a minute..." I replied, my hand already reaching for the zipper on my pants.

* * *

 

Frank ran up to me as I stood outside my locker, a huge smile on his face. "Hey Frankie." I muttered as I wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my lips to his forehead. "How's your day been?"  
"Boring as fuck Gee. I think I fell asleep in math and I certainly didn't enjoy English. I just wanna go home." He leant up and pressed his lips to mine, nipping my bottom lip before he stepped back. "You and Mikey wanna come round? I made a friend in gym today and he wants to meet you guys."  
"Sure, I'll have to go home drop my stuff off." I replied, grabbing Frank's hand and dragging him out the door.  
"You could just leave it in my room or something. I was actually wondering if you wanted to stay the night... if your mom would let you."  
"She will." I smiled.

* * *

 

"Hey boys." James greeted as we walked through the door. "Haven't seen you in ages, how are things at home?" I shot a look at Mikey before rolling the words round my mouth.  
"Uh, they're good I guess. My dad's in hospital and our mom refuses to let us see him. my mom doesn't want me to see Frank and uh...yeah, they're good." I stopped, not wanting to discuss anything else. "Frank asked if we could stay here tonight?"  
"Yeah, your clothes are still in the closet. You know you are always welcome. Just answer me one question." Me and Mikey both nodded. "Does your mom know?" Mikey nodded. "Good, well, go and occupy yourself, I'll get some food sorted. Frank, when's Ray coming?"  
"Uh, give him abut an hour, he had to go see his nan or something." Frank muttered, his fingers reaching for mine.  
  
Frank led us to his room, grinning when our jaws dropped. "Dude, this is awesome." Mikey squealed, heading towards the home cinema system. I took Mikey's distraction and pressed my lips to Frank's, his back against the wall, his hands tangled in my hair. "God, pda man! Keep it to a minimum!" Mikey yelled. "Goddamnit, I did not want to see that."


	14. There's a first time for everything [Frank]

I curled up on the couch as Gerard and Mikey browsed my music, my eyes rarely drifting from Gee's ass. He crouched down, his hand skimming over my records. I felt my cheeks go red as my pants became tight, my hands automatically reaching for a pillow. "I'll, uh, be back in a minute." I squeaked as I climbed to my feet and fled to the bathroom.  
  
I slid my back down the wall until I was sat on the floor, my hand on my zipper. A groan escaped my lips as I slipped my hand inside my boxers, jumping when someone knocked on the door. "Frankie?" Gerard asked.  
"Give me a minute Gee." I called back, biting my bottom lip as I stroked myself.  
"Frankie, I wanna help." He groaned.  
"It's unlocked." I moaned.  
  
He pushed the door open, shot me a cheeky smile before locking it and sitting opposite me. "You don't have to do that." He whispered as he leant forwards, his hands either side of me, and captured my lips. I felt his hand slide down my side, his fingertips leaving feather-light caresses through my shirt before he hooked his fingers under my boxers, brushing the skin on my hips. I tugged back slightly, my cheeks red as I looked at him. He raised his eyebrow, waiting for consent, a slight nod from me all he needed.  
  
Gerard slid his hand the rest of the way into my underwear, stroking me as his lips found mine, my hands tangling in his hair as he increased the pace. I groaned into the kiss, bucking my hips slightly. My breathing was coming in gasps, my heart thumping against my chest as I got a knotting sensation in my stomach. "Gee..." I panted, my forehead against his. "I'm....I'm close." He kissed me, a grin on his face before he ducked his head and ran his tongue over the tip. I threw back my head, arching my back at the touch. He slid me into his mouth, giving me sensations I had never had before. I bucked my hips, Gerard's mouth accommodating the whole of my length. "I'm gonna..." I began, groaning as I came.  
  
I leant against the wall, my breathing heavy, my heart thumping against my chest. Gerard leant forwards to kiss me, his tongue brushing my bottom lip before he pulled back. "You're amazing." He muttered. "You are just...wow."

* * *

 

"Dude!" Yelled Ray as Mikey beat him in yet another game of COD. I chuckled, my hand entangled with Gerard's, my head on his chest as we watched them fight it out. "Stop cheating." Ray whimpered, mashing the buttons on the controller in hope of winning a game.  
"I'm not." Laughed Mikey, his face lighting up as he managed to shoot Ray again.  
"Are." Pouted Ray as he reached for his can of soda.  
"Dude, just 'cuz I'm better than you." He chuckled, his eyes roaming the room until he found a can.  
"Fuck off are you." Ray boasted.  
  
"Children." I chuckled, Gerard's chest rising and falling with his laughter.  
"Mikey is so good at this game, he never stops playing." Gerard muttered, his lips millimeters from my ear. "Ray just needs to accept he's not going to win."  
"I know, but it's funny watching them argue it out." I laughed, turning slightly so I could press my lips to Gerard's.  
"Gee, tell him!" Whined Mikey as he tried to climb up Ray to grab the controller. "He took it from me." I felt Gerard laugh underneath me.  
"Ray, dude, he'll probably lick you if you don't give it back." He said. "You might just wanna hand it over."  
"I haven't licked anyone in ages." Mikey pouted.

* * *

 

I watched as Mikey and Gerard discussed who was sleeping where, Mikey nodding and heading off to the spare room, Gerard turning to me. "Alright if I sleep with you?" He asked, his face going red when he realized what he said. "Oh my god Frankie, I didn't mean it like that, I meant just share a bed." I chuckled at his embarrassment, letting him drown in it for a few minutes.  
"I would have said yes anyway." I ventured, my cheeks burning as I looked at my feet. Gerard stayed silent, his jaw hitting the floor.  
"Really?" He asked, disbelief etched in his features.  
"Yeah, but just not now." I replied. "I think we need to make it special." Gerard nodded as he closed the space between us, capturing my lips before dragging me to my room.  
  
 _ **"I love you." He whispered as he dropped his pants and slid out of his shirt.**_  
 _ **"I love you too Gee." I muttered, my hands reaching out to stroke his chest. "I really do."**_  
 _ **"You know whatever happens, I always will." He smiled as he led me to the bed, getting comfy and wrapping his arms around my chest.**_  
  
 _ **With my back pressed against his chest, I felt safe, secure, like nothing could hurt me. That security was short-lived, shadows creeping around the room as I tried to sleep. "Gee?" I asked, getting a muffled snore in response. I sighed, a shiver working its way across my shoulders as one of them touched me, its 'hands' running down my chest before it came to rest on my crotch.**_  
  
 _ **I shied away, my back not meeting with Gerard. I turned, crying out when I saw he was gone, a shadowy figure taking his place. "You're ours." They taunted, their hands touching me as I shrank back into the covers.**_  
 _ **"No!" I yelled. "Leave me alone!"**_  
  
"Frankie?" Gerard asked, looking down at me with concern. "What's wrong?"  
"N..ni...nightmare..." I stammered, a cold sweat dripping down my body.  
"I've got you." he whispered, his arms tugging me closer. "I won't let anything happen to you." I nodded and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face in his neck.  
"I know." I sighed.


	15. Stay With Me? [Gerard]

When me and Mikey went home that night, I tried to avoid my mother like the plague. I knew she wouldn't have an issue about us spending the night, but if she knew I slept in Frank's bed, that would just be the cause of the end of my life. Something inside me was screaming out for her acceptance but being with Frank wouldn't get that.  
  
My phone buzzed on the counter, startling me out of my daydreams. I sighed as I reached across, flailing as I fell off the bed. "Goddamnit." I groaned as I climbed to my feet and opened the text.  
  
 **To: Gerard**  
 **From: Bill**  
 **Message: Having a party tonight, you wanna come??**  
  
 **To: Bill**  
 **From: Gerard**  
 **Message: Uh, sure, can I bring my brother??**  
  
 **To: Gerard**  
 **From: Bill**  
 **Message: Sure, your bf is on the guestlist, so yeah, just bring whoever.**  
  
 **To: Bill**  
 **From: Gerard**  
 **Message: Cool, at yours?**  
  
 **To: Gerard**  
 **From: Bill**  
 **Message: Duh xD**  
  
I pushed open my bedroom door and walked down the hall, ignoring my mothers glares as I walked past her room. "Mikey, wanna party tonight?" I asked, standing in front of his TV.  
"Tom's just text me, and I'll tell you what I told him." Mikey muttered. "Do you really want a socially awkward fuckwit at a party where there is going to be people and alcohol and people?"  
"Well yeah, you're my brother, of course I want you there. I wouldn't have asked if I didn't." I replied.  
"I guess so, just don't be sucking face with Frank all night?"  
"Promise." I chuckled as I left the room.

* * *

 

"Gerard, Mikey, you made it!" Yelled Bill as we walked up the drive.  
"Yeah, told ya I would come." I replied. Bill threw his arms around mine and Mikey's shoulders and dragged us through the crowds towards the bar, handing us each a can.  
"Help yourselves, make yourselves at home." Bill laughed as he walked off into the crowd, leaving me and Mikey stood in the kitchen.  
  
Mikey's head spun, almost as if tugged by a string. "I'll uh.. be right back..." He muttered, my eyes following his to a short blonde girl in the corner. I smiled.  
"Sure, go have fun. Text me when you wanna leave." He nodded and placed his empty can on the side, grabbing another one before running off.  
  
I walked through the house, my eyes roaming the faces, searching for someone to talk to. I saw Tom leaning against the wall and started walking over to him. Someone pushed into my shoulder, knocking me back against the wall. I went to yell at them but they had disappeared. "Fuck's sake." I snapped as I downed my can, dropping the empty in the trash can. "Hey Tom." I greeted as I walked up to him. "How're you doing?" I slurred, my words blurring into one.  
"I'm cool, you don't look it though." He observed.  
"I don't feel it." I muttered as a wave of nausea washed over me. "I actually feel like shit."  
"Go have a lay down if you want, you know my rooms always free." He suggested.  
"Thanks Tom, you see Frank, tell him where I am?" Tom nodded as I climbed the stairs, hanging on the banister for support.  
  
I dropped onto Tom's bed and pulled the blankets around me, shivering as I tried to slow m heartbeat. The nausea refused to leave me alone, every movement making me feel like I wanted to vomit. I shuddered and wrapped the blankets as close around me as I could, curling into the smallest ball I could manage.

* * *

 

"Fuck off, just let me do this alone." Someone said from the doorway, waking me up. I kept my eyes closed, hoping they would leave me alone, but footsteps approached the bed, a shadow blocking the small amount of light. "Gerard." It crooned. "Gerard, wakey wakey. It's time for some fun."  
"Go away." I said, or at least I thought I did, but no words left my mouth.  
"I'm doing it whether you want to or not." The voice slurred, obviously intoxicated. I groaned, holding onto the corners of the blankets and tried to keep them around me as someone tugged on the other end, pulling them completely off my body. "Time for fun." The person slurred as the fiddled with my belt buckle, my mind too much of a mess to stop them.  
  
The person grunted as the slid my pants down my legs, the palm of their hand rubbing my crotch. "Get off." I managed to speak, my words barely more than a whisper.  
"Get more? Sure." The voice laughed as he unzipped his pants, tugging them down his thighs in such a hurry that he fell forwards onto the bed.  
  
I attempted to pull my legs up to my stomach, but failed, a hand pinning my body still whilst the other explored, fingers probing places I didn't want them. I struggled weakly against the persons hands, my movements sluggish, nothing but whimpers leaving my lips. "Shut up and stay still!" He snapped, biting down on the inside of my thigh. I flinched, retracting back inside my mind as he had his way, touching me in ways no-one but Frank should be touching me.  
  
"Stay still!" He yelled, his dick already inside me. I cringed back, hissing at the pain. "I swear to god Gerard, you got away once, I'm not letting it happen again!" The person forced themselves into me, blood running down the inside of my thighs. I sobbed, tears streaming down my face, unable to make any sounds, being forced to put up with it. I shut my eyes and tried to zone out, to find a place he couldn't hurt me.

* * *

 

"Gerard?" Called a voice, the words sounding like my brother, or Frank. I couldn't tell. "Gerard, what the hell happened?" I whimpered and curled into a smaller ball, wincing as the dried blood pulled. "Gerard, talk to me goddamnit, tell me you're okay." I opened my eyes, my vision blurry as I tried to focus on the figure in front of me. "MIKEY!" He yelled, my ears bursting with the sound.  
  
Footsteps pounded into the room, skidding to a stop as the new addition gasped. "Gee, bro, talk to me." I groaned, wincing away from the sound, burying my head in my hands. "Gerard, what happened?" He asked, worry clear in his voice.  
"No." I muttered. "No, no, no, no, no, no..." I shook my head, the words getting more rushed, the volume increasing until I was screaming.  
"Gerard, it's okay, calm down, we'e got you." The first voice said, their hands on my shaking shoulders.  
"Frankie." I sobbed, fresh tears streaking down my face. "Frankie, I'm so sorry."  
"Why Gee?" Frank asked, concern filling his voice.  
"Because I couldn't stop him." I muttered. "Because he did it and I couldn't do anything."  
"Who did it baby?" Frank asked, telling people crowding at the door to shut up and go away.  
"I don't know." I whispered, even more ashamed that I couldn't place who had done it to me. "I don't know...I'm scared Frankie."  
  
"I've got you." He muttered as he wrapped his arms around me, tugged me onto his lap and covered me with a blanket. I sobbed openly, tears streaming down my face, pain ripping at me every time I moved. "I'm never letting you go." He whispered into my ear.


	16. I know how to save a life [Frank]

I watched Gerard as he slept, curled up in my bed, his skin bruised and bloody. Tom had helped me get him home after we found him, ignoring the confused looks from John who started whispering to James the second we left the room. I climbed to my feet and pulled open the curtains, staring out past the raindrops to the houses opposite, knowing full well that Mikey was probably getting yelled at for Gerard not coming home.  
  
"Frankie." Came Gerard's weak voice from the bed. I spun on my heels and walked over to the bed, sitting next to him as I waited for him to say what he wanted. "What happened? Why does everything hurt?"  
"You don't remember?" I asked incredulously. He shook his head.  
"I only had one can of beer, why can't I remember anything?" He asked, his tear stained cheeks flushing red as he tried to sit up. I bit my bottom lip, chewing on my lip ring as I worked out what to tell him.  
"Uh... you really can't remember anything?" I asked, cocking my eyebrow.  
"No.... Frankie, you're scaring me... what happened last night?"  
"Gee, we found you in Tom's room, beaten, bleeding and naked." I explained, pausing when his face paled.  
"I wasn't... Oh god please tell me I wasn't..." He began, unable to say the words. I leant forwards to wrap my arms around him, pulling back when he visibly tensed, his arms shaking. "Please god Frankie... tell me it's not true."  
"I'm sorry Gee." I muttered. "I really want to tell you it's not true." I felt a tear roll down my cheek, my heart breaking as I saw how broken he looked, his face pale, the bruises on his skin shielding who he really was.  
  
"Please Gee, you have to eat something." I begged, holding out the plate of pop-tarts. "Just one?" He shook his head, his eyes rimmed red, his lips dry as he looked at the plate in disgust. "Please baby, you have to eat something."  
"I'll just throw it up again." He whispered, flinching back as I reached out to grab his hand. I pulled it back, trying to disguise how much it hurt. "I'm sorry Frankie." He muttered as he threw an apologetic look my way.  
"Eat something Gee." I sighed, holding the plate out to him. "You won't get better if you don't."  
"Then I don't wanna get better." He replied, choking back the sobs.  
  
"Where the fuck is my son?" Yelled Gerard's mom from downstairs, James' protests landing on deaf ears as she marched up the stairs, slamming my door open and glowering at me. "What the hell did you do to him?" She snapped, her face inches from mine.  
"I didn't...." I began, Gerard's weak voice interrupting me.  
"It wasn't him mom." He whispered, his eyes filling with tears again. "Leave him alone."  
"Goddamnit boy, I told you he would only get you into trouble and now look at you. You've been hurt which is what I warned you against. I told you to stay away from him!" She yelled, getting closer and closer to Gerard who shrank further and further into my bed. "You are coming home right this second Gerard and you are never seeing him again!"  
"Mom, no." Gerard protested weakly as she grabbed his arms. "Get off, you're hurting me." He sobbed, cringing as her grip tightened. "Please, get off me!" He shouted, his voice hoarse.  
"No! You are coming home with me this instant. You will never see this boy again!" She yelled, glaring at me as Gerard squirmed in her grasp.  
  
John ran into the room, his face red with rage. "I think you need to leave Donna." He said, his voice strangely even.  
"Not without my son." She growled through gritted teeth.  
"You can't take him with you if he doesn't want to go. You seem to be forgetting that he's 18 Donna, he doesn't have to go."  
"I swear to god, does no-one understand I just want to protect him?"  
"I understand that Donna, but he is just as safe here as he is back home." John said. "We will keep him safe. I promise."  
"Fine, but I'll be back."  
John looked at me as she left, his gaze unwavering. "What actually happened last night?"  
"Nothing." Gerard replied, his voice telling everyone that it was the end of the conversation.  
"Well, tell me when you're ready." John responded, his voice softening at the fear in his voice.

* * *

 

_**"We told you we would get to you." The shadows laughed, there hands roaming over my body.**_  
 _ **"I asked you to leave him alone. You said you wouldn't hurt him!" I yelled, flinching as one of the shadows slipped his hands down my pants.**_  
 _ **"We didn't." They laughed.**_  
  
 _ **"No." A deep voice said, a figure stepping from the shadows. "I did."**_  
 _ **"What....what are you doing here?" I stammered. "You're... they locked you up..."**_  
 _ **"But I got free Frankie. I got free and now I'm coming for you. I'll hurt everyone you love and they'll all die, just like last time Frankie. You will be mine!"**_  
 _ **"Please, leave him alone. I'll give you whatever you want but he's been through hell already." I pleaded.**_  
 _ **"Oh, but Frankie, he felt so good in my hands, and oh my god, his taste!" The voice teased. "You know, he's the first one I've bitten, the rest, I just kind of, stabbed them to death. Now he has to live with the pain and he can't for much longer." He cackled.**_  
  
 _ **"I swear to god..." I muttered, my teeth gritted as the shadows forced me into the bed, his hands reaching for me, tugging at my clothes.**_  
 _ **"He was so good Frankie. Just remember, I'll be back to finish of the job if he doesn't off himself first. He'll probably kill himself before I get there Frankie. You'll have to watch him bleed to death, just like you did with Liam."**_  
  
My eyes snapped open, my breathing heavy. I looked around my darkened room, my eyes taking a second to adjust before focusing on my bed, my empty bed. I unfurled myself from my desk chair and stretched, groaning when my back cracked. The words from my dream flashed in front of my mind and I ran, my feet pounding on the carpet as I looked for Gerard, following the light bleeding out from under the bathroom door. "Gerard?" I called from outside.  
"Help me Frankie." He muttered.  
"What's wrong Gee?" I asked as I tested the doorhandle. "It's locked, unlock it baby, let me in."  
  
As soon as the lock clicked in the door, I pushed it open, flinching when I saw the blood staining Gerard's hands. "What have you done Gee?" I asked as I closed the door with my foot and turned on the tap, pushing the plug into the hole, filling the bath with warm water.  
"I tried to get it off." He muttered. "I tried to take it all off."  
"Gerard, baby, give me your hands." I tugged him to his feet and pulled his clothes off, helping him into the bath. "I'll sort it out Gee." I whispered as I grabbed a wash-cloth and started wiping the blood from his hands.  
"I'm sorry Frankie." He muttered, his voice filled with sorry. "I just wanted it all to go away but it won't. I'm always going to be dirty."  
"Baby, it won't stop me loving you." I sighed, cringing when I saw the bruises marking his thighs. "Does it hurt?" I asked, running my fingertips over them. He nodded, his eyes closed, his bottom lip sucked between his teeth. I looked at the tears streaking down his face and pulled off my shirt and pants, leaving myself in my boxers. With one look at him, I climbed into the bath, wrapping my arms around him as he cried. "I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry I couldn't stop it Gee. I'm sorry this happened to you because I know how fucked up you'll be for a while and I know you won't want to talk but I'll always be here Gerard because I can't see myself living without you. I want to be with you forever Gee and I will do anything to make it happen."

* * *

 

I wrapped my arms around Gerard's waist, holding him against my chest, refraining from crying as I remembered how broken he looked in the bath. With James' help, I had the cuts stitched up and all the blood cleaned. I'd dressed Gerard and put him to bed, cringing when I accidentally brushed against his bruises.  
  
Now, he was asleep, his breathing ragged, his heart fluttering against my chest. I had text Mikey before I climbed into bed, telling him how things were going. There wasn't a reply, but that was understandable, it was 3am, but I thought he would want to know. "I'm scared." Gerard muttered, his voice infused with sleep, his words slurred.  
"Don't be." I whispered, my lips inches from his ear.  
"You're gonna leave me Frankie."  
"I'll never leave you Gerard." I paused. "Never ever."


	17. I had it all wrong [Gerard]

I walked into school looking a lot more confident than I felt. I had covered up the visible bruises and doped up on painkillers, my limp barely noticeable as I walked down the corridor. Frank had already disappeared to the music rooms to drop off his guitar, leaving me to wander the corridors alone.  
  
Ben's car pulled up into the lot, his face pinched as he climbed out. I watched as he walked up to the main doors, his eyes widening when he saw me. "Gerard...What do you want?" He stammered.  
"How could you?" I hissed. "How the fuck could you?"  
"How could I what?" He asked.  
"I wouldn't let you have me so you took me by force. Is that how it works these days?" I snapped, looking up slightly so I could meet his eyes.  
"I didn't...I mean, I wouldn't do anything." Ben whispered, his face filled with shock.  
"Really?" I almost yelled. "You fucking drugged me and waited until I couldn't do anything to stop it. How could you do that to me?"  
"But I have no idea what you're on about!" He yelled, his arms up in defense.  
"Really Ben? You can't remember raping me?" I shouted, my eyes darting around the corridor to make sure we were still alone. "I was fucking defenseless Ben. How low can you sink? Do you have any idea what you've done to me?"  
"You were raped?" Ben asked incredulously, his jaw dropping as he studied me.  
"Of course I was, don't you fucking play dumb with me. The night before last, Bill and Tom's house. Don't fucking deny it." I pushed, praying that he would admit it.  
"Gerard, I was in Seattle at the weekend... My aunt just had a baby..." My jaw dropped and I back away, my heart thumping against my breastbone as I turned and ran down the corridor, ignoring both his and Frank's shouts as I ran towards the bathroom.  
  
I slid to the floor inside one of the stalls, my head in my hands as I fought back the sobs. I pushed the heel of my hands into my eyes in the hope that it would stop the tears coming, screaming out loud when they poured over. "Gerard, you in here?" Ben asked, his voice shaking as he pushed open each of the cubicle doors, hesitating outside the one I was in before sliding down it, his back against the wood. "Look, I didn't know okay? I really wish I did because then I could help put this fucker in his place, but I don't. I would never do that to you, not after how broken you where when I kissed you. I can't see you go through that again." He paused, sighing as he tried to think what else to say. "Gerard, I promise you I'm going to help you find whoever did this. I won't rest until they are punished for what they did."  
"I'm sorry for accusing you." I muttered, my head in my hands.  
"It's fine. I can totally understand, just... promise me that you won't do anything stupid?" Ben asked.  
  
"What, like this?" I muttered as I tugged open the stall door. Ben's jaw dropped as he looked at the stitches on my stomach.  
"What did you do?" He asked, turning slightly when Frank pushed open the door, a look of relief on his face.  
"I felt so fucking dirty when I found out what happened that I just wanted to die but I knew I couldn't do that so I tried to take my skin off, you know, like the crazy fucked up asshole that I am. I just... I guess it didn't work 'cuz I'm still here and I still have all my skin." I sighed, my eyes wandering over to the pained look on Frankie's face. "But right now? I don't want to go anywhere. I have Frank and I'm not gonna lose him Ben, and nothing will stop me being with him... Even you."

* * *

 

Mikey stood in my doorway, his face pale as he looked at the blood staining my shirt. I taped over some fresh gauze and rolled my shirt down, sighing at the tears streaking his face. "I'm fine." I muttered as I walked to my bed.  
"Really?" Mikey asked skeptically.  
"Yeah, I'm just a little fucked at the minute. Everything hurts and I am so goddamn tired...." I explained, wincing as I reached down for my sketchbook.  
"Why didn't you say anything Gee? Why didn't you stop them?"  
"You think I wanted this to happen Mikey? I couldn't stop them, no matter how hard I tried. I couldn't even make a fucking sound Mikes." I paused, cringing as I sat down, my hand on my stomach. "I was so scared that I wasn't going to wake up Mikes and now I know it wasn't Ben, I have absolutely no idea who it was and that hurts even more. I am shit scared Mikey. They are still out there and what if they come back? What will I do then?"  
  
I lay down on my bed, avoiding Mikey's gaze, his eyes wide as he sat cross legged on the floor, my sketchbook in his hands. "You love him." He stated.  
"Who?" I asked, even though I knew exactly who he meant.  
"Frank, you idiot. You love Frank." Mikey pushed.  
"Well it doesn't take a genius to work that out." I muttered, flinching as my phone vibrated against my stomach.  
  
 **To: Gerard**  
 **From: Frank**  
 **Message: I found him**  
  
 **To: Frank**  
 **From: Gerard**  
 **Message: Who?x**  
  
 **To: Gerard**  
 **From: Frank**  
 **Message: Tim**  
  
 **To: Frank**  
 **From: Gerard**  
 **Message: I'm on my way over.x**  
  
I climbed to my feet, one hand on my desk as stabbing pains shot their way up my legs and around my back. One look at Mikey told him that I was going out and he needed to find a way to cover for me. "Let me know when you're coming back." He muttered as he helped my down the stairs.

* * *

 

I watched Frank as he cleaned dirt off a small boy's face, tears streaming silently down his cheeks. "I've got you Timmy." He muttered over and over again, the little boy's blue eyes unfocused as Frank cleaned him. "I'm not letting you go this time."  
"I missed you Fwankie." He muttered, his voice crackling as he spoke. "I was scawed Fwankie, people wouldn't leave me alone..."  
"Shhh Tim, I've got you. I'll keep you safe." Frank whispered, his eyes on me as he silently begged for help.  
"Hey Tim, I'm Gerard, I'm a close friend of Frank's, do you want to play a game of cards or something while Frank sorts out you bed?" I asked, crouching down so I was the same height as him. He nodded, a shy smile creeping across his face as he looked at me.  
  
"Did it hurt?" Tim asked as he stroked my bruise. "It looks sore."  
"It did a little bit but it doesn't hurt now." I explained.  
"Has Fwankie been hurting Gewawrd?" He asked, muddling the letters in my name.  
"I don't know, we can ask him when he comes back if you want?" I asked, getting a vigorous nod as a reply.

* * *

 

I held Frank against my chest, our eyes on the ceiling, our heartbeats and breathes the only sound in the room. Frank knotted our fingers together, his face nuzzled in my neck, his breath tickling me slightly. "Why did Tim ask me if you were hurting?" I asked, my voice low and gravelly. There was silence, Frank's breath hitching as I finished the question.  
"Uh... I used to cut myself because I wanted to die but before I left the orphanage, Tim made me promise not to take a vacation like his sister." Frank explained, his lips brushing my neck softly.  
"What do you mean?" I questioned, tightening my grip on his waist.  
"Tim's sister killed herself. To spare him the pain of knowing what actually happened, the care home people told him she took a long vacation because she wasn't happy. I couldn't see him going through that again because it broke him." He sighed, a tear rolling from his cheek onto mine.  
  
I leant up on one elbow, my lips inches from Frank's. "I will never let you take a vacation." I muttered. "If you go, I go with you."  
"Gerard..." Frank tried to protest.  
"No." I said forcefully. "I just got you Frank, I can't let you go. If you die, then so do I because I cannot imagine a life without you in my arms nor do I want to live without you. You are the best thing that has happened to me and I can't let it go, not with how you make me feel, not with everything that you have done for me." I petered off towards the end, a lump forming in my throat. "I can't do this whole living thing without you Frankie. Not now, not ever."


	18. This can't be forever [Frank]

I stood in the doorway of the spare room, my eyes on Tim's sleeping body, a lump in my throat as I thought of how lucky he was. Bad things could have happened to him, and until he woke up, we wouldn't know, I just know that James is heading down to the orphanage today to fill in the papers to say he would become the legal guardian of Tim.  
  
When he told me, I couldn't say thank you enough, fear that I was losing someone else in the forefront of my mind. A sigh escaped my lips as I turned around, my eyes searching the shadows before I walked back to my bedroom, slipping my skinny jeans down my thighs and throwing back the covers.  
  
My pillows still smelt of Gerard as I buried myself in them, closing my eyes and deepening my breathing as I tried to sleep. However hard I tried, I saw images of Gerard, naked bruised and bloody his screams echoing in my ears. Last night, he had so many nightmares that I didn't sleep, soothing him instead of closing my eyes and subjecting myself to the world behind my eyes.  
  
 ** _A hand slid down my chest, pinning me to the bed as_ he _stepped out of the shadows, his eyes strikingly bright in the darkness. I tried to shy away, to sink deeper into my mattress, to hide my body from his sight. "You think they're both safe do you?" He asked, his eyes gleaming. I nodded, unsure if I would be able to make a sound. "Just do what I want and they will be. Neither of them will hurt again. I promise Frankie, from the bottom of my cold black heart, that nothing will happen to them if you just give in."_  
 _"But I can't." I whimpered, sighing with relief when he shooed the shadows away._  
 _"Why not Frank? Why can't you give in?" He asked, his eyes studying my face._  
 _"Because I love him and I can't let him go." I whispered, unsure why I was telling him._  
  
 _"But you can't love him. You need to love me." He pleaded, his eyes wide and filling with tears. "I am meant to be the one your with Frankie, not him. It was never meant to be him."_  
 _"Alex." I muttered. "I'm sorry, but it can never be me and you, not after what happened, not now."_  
 _"I told you I didn't mean it." He whined._  
 _"That doesn't matter. You killed them Alex, you killed them all and then you got locked up. They never let you out alive Alex. I watched them bury you. This isn't real. This is just a dream Alex, you can't have me alive, but in my sleep, I'm yours." I muttered._  
 _"I can't hold you though." Alex sighed, tears rolling down his face._  
 _"I don't want you to." I explained, keeping extraordinarily calm for the situation that was presenting itself._ _"I saw what you did to them. I saw what they looked like when you finished and it hurt Alex. You can't get me to love you if you hurt everyone I care about."_  
  
 _Alex slid his hand along the bed covers, laughing softly as he slid it underneath my boxers, scraping his nails_ _down my penis. I winced, arching my back against the pain. "Let go Alex." I growled through gritted teeth._  
 _"Promise you'll stop falling for Gerard." He pushed._  
 _"Never." I snapped, Alex slapping his palm across my cheek._  
 _"Promise me you will stop or I swear to god he won't walk away next time."_  
 _"You were supposed to be an angel!" I yelled. "You were supposed to keep people I cared about safe but you aren't! I can't promise unless you promise to keep them safe. Stop whoever did this hurting Gerard again and I swear I'll promise!"_  
 _"I'll do whatever it takes." Alex laughed. "Just remember that they liked it. They liked it when he begged, they liked it when he screamed. In fact, he begged for you Frankie, he screamed your name. You were the person on his mind when he passed out, scared that he would die without telling you he loved you."_  
 _"Shut up!" I shouted, my hands over my ears. "Shut up, shut up, shut up." I repeated over and over again, burying my face in the pillows._**  
  
 **** _"He begged for death Frankie. He begged for it all to end. He screamed your name, screaming for you to save him Frankie."_  
  
I lay still, my heart thumping against my chest as I looked at the ceiling, my nightmare still in the forefront of my mind. A timid knock on the door had me shooting upright, my heart pounding. "Yeah?" I called, trying to keep my voice steady.  
"It's John, can I come in?" His deep voice asked, sleep filling every word that left it.  
"Sure." I muttered as I rolled onto my side and stared at the wall.  
  
"He told me." John muttered as he dropped onto my bed, his hand on my shoulder. "I am so sorry Frank. I didn't know that was what happened."  
"It's fine. I just failed at protecting someone I love yet again. I mean, I can't seem to get it through my thick head that everyone I love will get hurt. It's always going to be that way." I murmured into the pillows.  
"Frank, it won't be, I promise." John whispered.  
"It will and Gerard is going to realise that and he is going to want to leave and I'm not going to be able to stop him." I sighed.

* * *

 

I watched as Gerard slid into his seat, his face pinched, his eyes sunken and lifeless. He looked at me, a forced smile crossing his face before he looked at the book in front of him, answering the questions on the board and shying away from any touch.  
  
 _"Alex." I hissed, looking over my shoulder at him. "Dude, fucking look at me."_  
 _"What?" He snapped, his voice gravelly._  
 _"You alright?" I whispered, my heart darting to the front when the teacher cleared his throat._  
 _"Yeah, just...uh... need to talk to you about something.... Break?" He asked, a sharp nod of my head enough to end the conversation._  
  
I spun back to the front, my eyes on the board as the sir went through something about theorems that we should be using. I ignored the pounding in my head, pushing it to the edge as I thought about what Gerard said, what was running through his mind right now.  
  
Gerard dragged me into the bathroom, his lips meeting mine as soon as the door closed. My legs gave way, Gerard's arms around my shoulders holding me upright. "What was that for?" I panted when he pulled away.  
"I had to make sure it was real, you, me, us..." He explained, his face red as he tangled his fingers in my hair, tilting my head so I was looking at him. "I had to make sure that this wasn't some cruel joke being played on me by some fucked up asshole who wants a kick."  
"I'm real." I muttered, tiptoeing so I could place my lips against his again, parting my lips slightly as he pressed me against the wall with his hips.  
"I know, but this can't be." He sighed. "We can't be."  
  
Gerard let go of me, turning on his heel and pacing the bathroom, growling and muttering to himself as he did. "Gerard, what's wrong?" I asked, stepping forwards and putting a hand on his chest.  
"This, us...Me. Frankie, I can't do this. I can't do I us, I can't do any of it."  
"What are you...?" I began.  
"This is goodbye Frankie." He muttered as he pressed his lips to mine, lingering for a second before pulling back and leaving the room.  
  
I slid to the floor, my breathing ragged and rushed, my head spinning as I thought about what he said. Gerard, the love of my life, my soulmate, didn't want to be with me, and it hurt. The words that rang the loudest in my ears was the 'I can't do any of it', the look of pain on his face seared into my eyes.  
  
I staggered to my feet and walked to the mirror, raising my hand and stroking my lips. With a cry, I punched the mirror, shattered glass raining to the floor. "Fuck you!" I screamed, my voice echoing around the bathroom. "I fucking love you!" I yelled as I slid to the floor, blood appearing on my hand as I landed in the shards of glass. "I can't do it without you Gee." I sobbed, my cries echoing off the walls around me. "Please don't leave me." I whimpered. "I need you."


	19. Because it's better if you don't [Gerard]

I slid to the floor outside the building, tears streaking down my face, my shoulders shaking as I tried to fight back the sobs. There was nothing inside me that wanted to break up with Frank, but I had to. _He_ kept telling me to. The biggest issue was how much I loved him and knowing that nothing would come of it, that I did what I did to protect him.  
  
After I had calmed myself down, I climbed to my feet, tears still streaming down my face as I pulled my bag onto my shoulder. I threw one last look at the school before heading towards the exit, my breathing heavy as I thought of Frank.  
  
"Gerard!" Frank yelled.  
"Go away Frank." I called back, refusing to face him.  
"No, you need to listen to me Gerard and I won't go away until you do!" Frank shouted, the anger and pain causing me to turn to him. My jaw dropped slightly at the sight of blood on his hands, tears streaming from his eyes as he stood in front of me.  
"What do you want Frank?" I muttered, my eyes on the floor.  
"You can try and make me hate you Gerard but it won't work. You can tell me to leave and think it will break my heart but it won't." Frank explained, taking a tentative step closer. "I don't care if you think we can't be together, because I know we can. You hurt me Gerard, you really did, but I can't hate you, not now, not ever.  
  
"Gerard, I don't care what's happening with you to make you think we can't be together because we can. You are the most important thing in my life and I will never leave you. What you said back there? I can't even pretend to understand why. I just know that I want you to take it back.  
  
"You may think this won't work Gerard, me and you, but it will. You wanna know how I know? Because of the butterflies I get every time I look at you or the way my heart pounds when you smile or how you make me smile even when I just want to give in.  
  
"Gerard, there is so much here that we can't deny it. You can try to force me to leave but it isn't going to work, not now, not ever. Goddamnit Gerard, I have never chased anyone before. Too many people have walked out of my life for me to care, but I can't lose you.  
  
"I will never be able to hate you. Do you wanna know why? Because I fell for you. I fell for you before I even knew who you were. I used to watch you thinking that I couldn't see you. I kept coming to school for you, to see you every day. I kept fighting because I hoped that one day I would be able to speak to you.  
  
"Whatever happens, I will not let you go. I fell for you harder than I ever have before and I'm not willing to let you go. Somewhere in this fucked up heart of mine is a reason why, but I can't find it and I don't want to because I love you Gerard. I love you so fucking much that I would do anything to be with you.  
  
"I'm not going to leave you until the day I die. The only time I will ever stop loving you is when I am six feet under because that is the only time my heart won't be able to beat your name. This is love Gerard. I want to be with you through everything but I can't if you don't let me.  
  
"I'm always gonna love you Gerard, no matter how hard you try to get rid of me. I won't stop loving you because the day I do is the day I die." Frank stopped and took a deep breath, tears pricking in his eyes as he stepped closer, his arms wrapping around my waist as he held me.  
  
"Frank." I muttered before wrapping my arms around his shoulders, my heart breaking as I felt his silent sobs, his shoulders shaking. "Frank. Look at me." I whispered, sighing when he shook his head. "I love you too." I muttered into his hair, pulling him closer. "But I meant what I said back there. We can't be together, not while he's hunting me because he'll hurt you Frank. I know he will and that'll be what kills me. I can't see you get hurt. Not now."  
"You're gonna have to cope Gee." He sniffled. "Because I'm not going anywhere."  
  
He snaked one of his arms behind my neck, tugging my face down so I was looking at him. My heart shattered even more as I looked at his red eyes, tears staining his cheeks. He looked at me closely before raising his head slightly, his lips meeting mine. I hesitated for a second before tangling my fingers in Frank's hair and tugging him closer, moaning as I felt him against my leg.

* * *

 

I lay on my back on my bed, my arms above me with pictures of possible suspects. "We're never gonna find him." I groaned, Mikey mirroring my actions. "We've been searching for almost a week now and there is still nothing that makes me think of who it could be."  
"Gerard, you have to think." Mikey pushed. "When you've worked out who it is then maybe you'll feel better."  
"Mikes, I have no idea." I muttered as I threw yet another photo onto the growing pile.  
  
 _I sat up, my heart pounding as I listened to footsteps creeping across the floor towards the bed. "Mikey?" I asked, my voice slightly shaky._  
 _"No Gerard, it's John. I came to check on you." He explained as he sat on the edge of my bed. "How are you holding up?" He asked, his eyes boring into me._  
 _"I'm good. Just worried about Mikes, that's all." I muttered, trying to get comfy again on the bed._  
 _"Oh, I'm sure he's fine. Your dad didn't touch him." John whispered, his hand resting on my thigh_.  
  
"I know who it is!" I yelled as I jumped to my feet.  
"Who Gee?" Mikey asked, spinning the chair around so he was facing me.  
"It doesn't matter..." I began as I hunted down a hoodie. "I'll be back in a minute."  
"Gee, be careful okay? I don't want you getting hurt."  
"I will, I promise."

* * *

 

"Gerard, what a pleasant surprise." John exclaimed as he opened the door.  
"How could you?" I asked, my voice even, my hands in fists beside me. "How the fuck could you?"  
"I'm confused." John faked, his words forced.  
"Oh, I'm sure you won't be when I tell James what kind of a man you really are." I snapped as I pushed past him and into the kitchen.  
"I wouldn't if I were you." He hissed as he grabbed hold of my arm.  
"Why the hell not?" I asked, my teeth gritted.  
"Because I could hurt Frank, maybe put him through what you went through."  
  
"James, I have something to tell you." I said as I stood in front of him, flinching when John stepped up behind me.  
"What's up Gerard?" He asked, his smile fading when he saw how tense I was.  
"I was raped." I blurted, my eyes on John. "I know who it was but it wasn't the first time he's done it."  
"I would shut up if I were you Gerard." Snapped John, his gaze threatening.  
"Explain." James said.  
"Well, I think your husband can do that just fine. Maybe you'd like to explain how you slept with a helpless eleven year old or how you drugged me so you could get your fix? I think he has a right to know John. He needs to know what kind of man he is married to." I explained, trying to keep my voice cool.  
"John? Please tell me it isn't true?" James asked, tears pricking in the corner of his eyes.  
"What would you do if it was true, huh? Turn me into the cops?" John sneered.  
"Tell me the truth John." James ordered, climbing to his feet and placing himself between me and John.  
  
"Get out of my house." James muttered when John refused to answer. "Get the fuck out of my house!"  
"Don't forget I have custody of Frank, so I go he goes." John laughed, my eyes darting up when Frank walked in the room.  
"You might as well admit it John, you're just making this harder on yourself." I pushed, my eyes on Frank's confused face.  
"Admit what? What's going on?" He asked.  
"Just admit how you raped me John. It'll all be easier if you do."  
"For fucks sake. Yes I raped you and I fucking enjoyed it Gerard. It was the best sex I had had in years because you couldn't tell me not to be rough. Fucking hell, when you were eleven was just amazing because you were to naive to know what was happening until it was too late and threatening your brother made sure you didn't tell anyone." John took a breath. "What are you going to do about it?" He sneered.  
"I'm not going to do anything." I answered as I pulled my phone out of my pocket. "You just admitted the whole thing to the Belleville police department."  
  
Sirens filled the silence as John looked between us, panic on his face as Frank opened the front door, pointing to John and letting the police officers over to him. "Mr Carmichael, you are under arrest for sexual assault and rape of a minor. Anything you don't say may harm your defense but may be used in court."

* * *

 

Frank wrapped his arms around me as I stood, staring at the spot John had vacated, tears streaming down my face, my body numb. "How could he?" James muttered, walking slowly towards us.  
"I don't know." I muttered, tears falling freely. "I don't know."  
"How long has he been doing this to you Gee?" Frank asked, looking up at me.  
"The first time was when I was eleven. The last time was the other week. In between that? I don't know, I lost count."  
"Why didn't you tell someone Gerard?" James asked, his hands shaking as he embraced me.  
"Because he threatened to hurt Mikey and I didn't want that to happen." I explained, stepping back from them both.

* * *

 

I slid into bed, my arms tired, my head hurting, and closed my eyes, slowing my breathing right down.  
  
 _ **"Well done." A voice muttered from the shadows. "I'm proud of you."**_  
 _ **"For what? I didn't do anything." I replied, sitting upright.**_  
 _ **"You did though. You found it out without help. You've stopped the dreams from coming true." He replied as he stepped into the light.**_  
 _ **"Who are you?" I asked, my legs tucked underneath me as I tried to warm up.**_  
 _ **"My identity doesn't matter. All that does is that I was made to keep you and Frank safe, and that's what I'm doing." He said, perching on the edge of my bed.**_  
  
 _ **"I've seen you before." I muttered.**_  
 _ **"Probably. You might not remember though."**_  
 _ **"You were there when it happened. Like not physically, but in my mind. It was you that helped my shut down when he did it wasn't it?" I asked, leaning forwards, my elbows on my knees. The figure nodded.**_  
  
 _ **"You have to sleep, but you must know, just because you got rid of the man hurting him in your dreams, it doesn't mean it's the end."**_  
 _ **"What do you mean?" I yelled as the figure faded away.**_

* * *

 

I stepped into the kitchen, shock registering on my face when I saw my dad. "What are you doing here?" I asked, reaching for a mug and coffee.  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Was my dad's reply.  
"You can't answer a question with a question." I replied, spooning sugar into my mug.  
"Don't get sassy, just tell me."  
"Because he threatened Mikey. He said he would do the same and I couldn't deal with that. If it was just me, I knew Mikey was safe, so I didn't tell anyone." I muttered as I took the stool opposite.  
"I am so proud of you Gerard." My dad whispered as he tugged me in for a hug. "What you did back there? That was so grown up of you. It makes you ten times better than those people who just never tell anyone."  
"Dad, I'm fine. I promise. I have Frank to help me through it all and I'm not letting him go because I love him dad. I know mom doesn't want me to be with him but I love him and that's all that matters." I whispered, fighting back the tears.  
"I will support you with everything." My dad muttered as he stepped back, tears in his eyes.


	20. Frantic Desires [Frank]

_**"He did it Frank, he stopped the dreams happening." Alex muttered as he sat on the bed beside me. "You're not gonna go that way now."**_  
 _ **"What do you mean that way? Does that mean I'm still gonna get hurt?" I asked, sitting up, my elbows on my bed for support.**_  
 _ **"I'm sorry Frank. I wish it could be another way." Alex explained, his fingers reaching forwards and brushing a strand of hair out of my face. "You know, I never stopped loving you Frank, even when I died. You were the last person I thought about."**_  
 _ **"Alex..." I began.**_  
 _ **"No Frank, hear me out." He ordered, his face tough. "I may have never stopped loving you and I may still love you but even an idiot can see how much you love Gerard so I'm not going to get in the way of it. I know he would never hurt you Frank. He wants what is best for you and will do anything to keep you safe, so my job here is done."**_  
 _ **"What do you mean?" I asked.**_  
 _ **"It means it's time for me to go Frank. It's time for me to leave you alone."**_  
  
My phone rang, waking me up and shattering my dream into a million pieces. Gerard's name was on the screen, the crazy selfie he had taken above his name. I smiled softly and held the phone to my ear. "I'm taking you out somewhere." He blurted as soon as I had the phone to my ear.  
"What?" I muttered, my words slurred with sleep.  
"In the morning, I'm taking you somewhere." Gerard clarified, his smile visible in his voice.  
"Uh, sure... What about school?" I asked, sitting up and flicking on my lamp.  
"It's Saturday tomorrow Frank, there is no school." He pointed out.  
  
"Shit, yeah, okay." I murmured. "What time?"  
"Uh... I know it's early but say around 9? It means we get there before it all goes to shit."  
"Sure." I replied. "Baby, I have to go, I am shattered. I so need some sleep."  
"Sleep well Frankie. I love you." Gerard muttered.  
"I love you too." I whispered as I put down the phone.  
  
"Fwankie?" Tim called from the hallway, his voice timid as he stood the other side of my door. I climbed to my feet and tugged it open, smiling softy as he kneaded his fists in his eyes. "Can I stay with you?"  
"Of course you can buddy. Come on." I muttered as I grabbed his hand and led him to my bed, getting him comfy before sitting on my desk chair.  
"Cuddles?" Tim asked, his blue eyes staring at me through the gloom.  
"Sure, just.. uh, give me a second." I replied as I tucked a folded piece of paper inside one of my school books.  
  
I curled myself around Tim, his back to my chest, as he fell asleep, his breathing becoming heavy. Tears pricked the corner of my eyes as I held him, our breathing and heartbeats matched. A part of me longed to have Gerard here, but another relished the chance to hold Tim close to me, to feel like I had a reason to keep fighting.  
  
Since I made him the promise to stop cutting, I hadn't touched a razor, the cuts on my arms healing to pale silvery scars. I guess I really did think of him like a little brother. As someone I couldn't lose and I would protect him until the day I died.  
  
I cringed as he turned over, elbowing me in the stomach, a small smile crossing his lips as he dreamt something amazing. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, my arms still wrapped around Tim as I drifted off.

* * *

 

Gerard stood outside the front door, clapping like a little kid while he waited for me to tug on my vans and grab a jacket. When I was done, I waved goodbye to Tim and walked down the stairs, grabbing Gerard's hand as he started walking off towards the center of town. "Where are we going?" I asked as I pulled Gerard to a stop.  
"Somewhere it can be just me and you." He replied cryptically before pressing his lips to mine. I tangled my fingers in his hair, pulling him closer to me, moaning into the kiss. "Where we can finish this." He whispered, grinning as he tugged me towards the train station.  
  
We stepped off of the platform and Gerard hailed a cab, gripping my hand tightly as one pulled up, dragging me into the backseat and rattling off an address. "Gee, where are we going?" I pleaded, my legs hung over his, my head on his shoulder.  
"We're almost there, then you'll see. I promise." He muttered, kissing me on the end of the nose as the buildings flew past, soon turning into trees then open expanses of fields. "Thanks." Gerard muttered as we stopped at the end of what looked like a driveway winding through the fields. He handed over a couple of folded bills and grabbed my hand again, pulling me up the muddy path.  
  
We stopped outside of a building, the wooden door looking like it could withstand a hurricane. "Gee?" I asked as he slid a key from his pocket and pushed it into the door, turning it smoothly before pushing it open, waiting for me to step through.  
  
I hesitated before taking a tentative step forwards, inhaling the smell of a home. Cookies, flowers and something I could only guess was furniture polish. "What is this place?" I asked, turning slowly until I faced Gerard.  
"It used to be my nans. She gave it to me and Mikey when she could no longer live all the way out here. We used to come out here loads, then I just stopped coming." He shrugged as he closed the door and kicked off his shoes, dragging me towards the stairs. "I want to show you something." He whispered.  
  
We stepped through a door, the light struggling to force its way through the thick curtains hanging over the window. Gerard dropped my hand as he walked across the room and tugged them back, my jaw dropping when I saw where we were. "Is this...?" I began. Gerard nodded, and stayed still, waiting for me to say something else. "It's amazing Gerard." I whispered as I stepped forwards to examine the canvases hanging from the walls. "You did all of these?"  
"Yeah, all but that one above the mantlepiece, that was my dad."  
"They're amazing." I whispered as I stepped closer, sticking my hands in Gerard's back pockets as I looked up at him, taking in his beauty.  
"Come with me." He muttered, taking my hand and leading me from the room.  
  
Gerard opened another door that revealed another staircase. We waked slowly up the stairs, Gerard's hand never leaving mine. Once we reached the top, he pushed a door open and led me into the attic, a large bed taking up the center of the room. Ever so carefully, Gerard picked me up, his arms clutching me to his body as he carried me to the bed, laying me down and hunting out my lips.  
  
I raised my head, meeting his lips halfway, tangling my hands in his hair. Gerard sucked my bottom lip into his mouth nipping it gently before pulling back, dipping his head down to suck gently on my neck. I groaned, my hands running down Gerard's sides until my fingers were hooked in his pants, a cheeky smile from Gerard encouraging me to explore further.  
  
I pulled my hands round to the front, fighting with the button on his pants, silently cheering when I had it undone. Gerard helped me slide his pants off, hesitating before leaning down to kiss me again. "We don't have to..." He muttered as my face burned.  
"I want to." I replied, chewing on my bottom lip. He nodded as he slid himself down my body, kissing my stomach through my shirt. I sucked my breath in as he hooked his fingers under my pants, his fingertips brushing my flesh.  
  
Gerard slid my pants down tugging my boxers with them and throwing them onto the floor. I tried to wriggle away from his gaze, my cheeks burning as his fingers reached for the hem of my shirt. I help him get it over my head, throwing it onto the growing pile of clothes. Gerard sat back on his heels, his bottom lip between his teeth. "Beautiful." He muttered as he leant down, his lips meeting mine as his hand slid between our bodies, stroking me gently.  
  
My fingers found there way into Gerard's hair, pulling him closer to me as I ground my hips upward, moaning as I felt how hard he was. I ripped his shirt off, running my hands down his muscles until I had my hands on his hips, groaning softly as he slid down my body, gazing up at me through his fringe before taking me in his mouth.  
  
I threw my head backwards, my mouth open in a perfect o as he took all of me, his hands pinning my hips to the bed. I tried to resist the urge to buck my hips, a whorish moan leaving my lips as I felt how close I was. "Ge...Ger..Gerard." I moaned, my hips straining against his grip. "Oh God!"  
  
Gerard looked at me, grinning as he leant down to kiss me, his hand leading mine to his crotch. I hesitated before I took hold, stroking him gently as he kissed me, my tongue sliding into his mouth as he moaned softly. "Frankie." He panted, his eyes wide as he looked at me. I nodded, Gerard leaning down and kissing me as he reached across to the dresser, pulling out a foil packet and a tube.  
  
I heard rustling as he slid the condom on, my heart racing as I prepared to do the one thing I had never done before. I winced slightly as he slid two fingers inside, preparing me for the next step. I captured his lips to distract me, ignoring the pain as I lost myself in the passion. "Frankie, we don't have to." Gerard muttered, concern etched on his face. "We can stop if you want to." I shook my head furiously, biting my bottom lip as he nodded and lined himself up, my face scrunching up in pain as he gently pushed himself in.  
  
I tried to stop a tear falling from my eyes, but failed, Gerard catching it with his thumb before he kissed me, his kiss gentle as I got used to the feel of him, nodding when I was ready. He moved slowly at first, letting me get used to the feeling before speeding up, stroking me in time with his thrusts. "Gee....Gee..." I panted, arching my back as I came, Gerard coming soon after.

* * *

 

"I love you." I whispered as I lazily drew circles on Gerard's chest, my eyes locked with his.  
"I love you too." He replied, stretching his arms above his head. My gaze traveled south, admiring the way the blankets molded to his hips, sucking my bottom lip between my teeth as dirty thoughts crashed through my mind.  
"Thank you." I muttered, elaborating when I saw the confused look on his face. "For making it special, for being careful, for just... for being you." I leant down and pressed my lips to his again, my hand snaking up and resting on his cheek.  
  
Gerard held me close, his heart beating in my ear as I lay on his chest, our breathing slow, our hearts matching pace. I felt Gerard move, his arm snaking around my waist as he held me close, may arm stretched lazily across his stomach. My eyes wandered around the room, taking in the pile of clothes, the bedding on the floor and the pictures on the wall.  
  
Right here, in this moment, was where I wanted to stay forever. Gerard's arms around me, my head on his chest as we became not just boyfriends, but lovers. Taking our relationship further than we maybe should have, but proving our love nonetheless.


	21. All I've ever needed [Gerard]

Frank’s breathing was heavy beside me, his eyes closed as he slept. I slowly ran my fingers through his hair, grinning softly when he squirmed away from my touch, his breath hitching. Slowly, I moved his arm from my stomach and climbed to my feet, searching through the pile of clothes for my underwear.  
  
Once I had them pulled on, I walked from the room, glancing at Frank’s sleeping form before I tugged the door closed. After I had climbed down the stairs I walked to the kitchen, my hand hovering over my mouth as I stifled a yawn. The kitchen clock read 5pm, almost time for dinner. My stomach agreed, choosing that moment to rumble.  
  
I had stocked the fridge before I decided I was going to bring Frank here, unsure of how long we would stay or what we would want to eat. The cupboards were always filled with canned and tinned goods, so all I needed to do was bring things that I turn into a meal.  
  
My instant thought was to cook the pasta my nan always cooked, but then I remembered that Frank didn’t eat meat so I sat at the table, my head in my hands whilst I waited for the kettle to boil, wracking my mind for something to make.  
  
With a coffee in front of me, I settled on making pizza from scratch, the dough and all. My back was to the door as I searched the cupboards, my fingers just gripping the flour as a knock rang through the house. I sighed and walked to the front door, pulling it open and hiding behind it as I looked who was there. “What the fuck?” I asked as Mikey grinned at me.  
“Sorry, I…uh, thought you might need this.” He chuckled as he handed me my sketchbook. I sighed and walked into the kitchen, leaving the door open so he could walk in.  
“What’s your real reason for being here?” I asked as I searched for a mixing bowl.  
“Because I want to see you cooking in your underwear.” He said sarcastically.  
“Shut up.” I snapped.  
“Nah, I just wanted to make sure that you and Frank are safe and are being careful.”  
“Well, we are, so you can go.” I smirked as I held a fistful of flour. “Or I’ll just drop this all over your nice black t-shirt.”  
“Nooo!” Mikey protested. “I’m going!”  
“Okay. Can you tell mom I might not be coming back tonight?” Mikey nodded as he left the room, the slam of the front door a couple of seconds later making me breathe a sigh of relief.  
  
When the pizza was in the oven, I opened up my sketchbook and pulled the pencil from the binding. I turned to a fresh page and put my pencil to the page, sketching furiously whatever came to mind. An age passed like that, my hand shaking as I heard footsteps on the stairs. Frank stood before me, his boxers slung low on his hips, his hair ruffled. “Hey.” He whispered.

“Hi.” I smiled as I climbed to my feet and enveloped him in a hug. “Sleep well?”  
“Best in a long time.” He replied as he tiptoed and pressed his lips to mine, his hands tight around my shoulders. “What’re you up to?” He asked, gesturing to my sketchbook.  
“Nothing.” I muttered, blushing as I looked away. Frank raised an eyebrow and walked to the table, his eyes studying the page in front of him.  
“It’s me.” He whispered, his voice hoarse.  
“I…I’m sorry. I should have asked.” Frank shook his head slightly and looked up at me, tears in his eyes.  
“No Gee, it’s perfect.” He muttered, wrapping his arms around me again.

* * *

 

I sighed softly as Frank reached up to the top shelf, his back lengthening as he tried to reach the packet of icing sugar. I raised my eyebrows as he tugged it down, grinning at me as he poured some into a bowl and mixed it with water, eating some off the end of his finger before grabbing a box of biscuits as taking one from the container. He dipped it into the icing, licking his lips as they got coated in the sticky substance.  
  
“What?” He asked, grinning at me. “It’s really nice.”  
“So are you.” I responded, chewing on my bottom lip.

“I know.” He laughed before he walked out to sit on the deck, his legs tucked underneath him as he ate his dessert.  
“Where did you learn to cook?” He asked.  
“My nan. Pizza was one of our favourites. We used to make it all the time so I guessed it was time to make it again.” I sighed as I looked up at the stars that were beginning to fill the sky.  
“What happened to her Gee?” Frank whispered, his hand reaching for mine.  
“She got sick.” I muttered. “She couldn’t look after herself anymore so she went to live in a home in the city. I go and see her every weekend.”  
“Oh baby.” Frank murmured, his hand tightening around mine as I fought back the tears.  
“She practically raised me and Mikey and now she can’t even remember my name. Even still, I have to see her because we have no idea how long she’s got left and I would feel really bad if she died and I hadn’t been to see her. I mean, she shouldn’t be alone.”  
“Gee, she’ll never be alone. Somewhere in her mind will be all those happy memories you made together and she’ll replay them when the time comes and she won’t be alone.”  
“Thank you Frankie.” I muttered as I pressed my lips to his.  
  
"Draw me again." He whispered. "Just naked this time." My head shot up, my jaw open as my mind registered what he had said.  
"Really?" I asked as I leant for my sketchbook.  
"Yeah." Frank nodded, his bottom lip between his teeth. I hesitated.  
"But I'll wanna make love again." I muttered.  
"We can do that first." He smirked as he grabbed my hands and led me back into the house.

* * *

 

Frank lay me back on the bed, his hands roaming his chest as his lips met mine, his tongue slipping into my mouth. I reached my arms around him, tangling my fingers in his hair and tugging him closer. He ran his hand down my torso, hooking his fingers underneath the hem of my boxers, his fingertips grazing the tip of my growing erection.  
  
I moaned softly, squeezing Frank's ass as he slid down my boxers, his lips leaving mine to suck softly on my neck, capillaries bursting under my skin as he marked me as his. "Frankie..." I whispered, my hands already pulling down his underwear. He looked up at me, his hazel eyes wide. Frank grinned before closing his lips around me, his head bobbing up and down as I bucked my hips, my hands tangled in the sheets beside me. "Frankie, stop..." I begged, my breath coming in pants as he swirled his tongue around the tip.  
  
He pouted at me as he crawled back up to kiss me. "Why?" He whined, his lips brushing mine.  
"Because we're gonna come together." I muttered, tangling my hands in his hair as I kissed him,wrapping my legs around his waist and rolling us so I was straddling Frank's waist.  
  
Frank hooked his leg over my back, forcing my hips to meet his, our erections rubbing against each other. He groaned softly as I lined myself up, not even trying to be careful, all I wanted was to feel him around me. "Frank?" I hesitated, my eyes on his scrunched up face.  
"Just do it." He muttered, his hands wrapping around my neck and forcing me to kiss him.

* * *

 

Frank startled, his arms flying around as his eyes snapped open. "Shhh." I muttered as I ran my finger down his cheek, my finger collecting tears as I pulled it away. "I've got you Frankie." I whispered as I pulled him close. I held him close until the tears subsided, my arms tight around his shoulders.  
"I wanna go home." Frank whispered, his eyes wide as he looked at me, almost as if asking permission. I nodded before reaching down the side of the bed and grabbing the clothes, passing Frank his before climbing to my feet and pulling on mine.  
  
"I'm sorry." Frank muttered as I locked the door and dropped the key into my pocket.  
"It's fine." I sighed as we walked down the drive to the waiting taxi. Frank looked at me like he didn't believe what I said, an eyebrow cocked. "Baby, I wouldn't lie to you." He hesitated before nodding, entwining his fingers with mine as we climbed into the backseat.

* * *

 

"Thanks." James said as I walked back down the stairs. "I'll keep an eye on him."  
"Cheers. Let me know if he's going to school tomorrow?" I asked, my hand on my house keys in my pocket. James nodded as he led me to the door.  
  
My mom ran down the stairs as soon as I turned the key in the door, her hands on her hips as I stood there, my arms folded. "You love him don't you?" She asked, her eyes softening slightly when I nodded. "Does he know?" I nodded again. "Look, Gerard. I'm sorry for being such a cow and telling you that you couldn't see him because he is clearly good for you. You seem a lot happier and he makes you leave the house. I know he's got a history, but he isn't as bad as Ben."  
"Mom, I wanna go bed." I muttered.  
"Hear me out Gerard." My mom ordered. "I don't care about Frank's past, if he can make you happy, then I take back every mean thing I ever said about him. If he hurts you like Ben did though, I swear to god I will rip his balls off myself." I nodded as I pushed past her, my feet scuffing the stairs as I walked to my room.  
  
I kicked my shoes off and dropped onto the bed, my eyes instantly drifting closed as my head hit the pillow.  
  
 _ **Frank walked up to me, his movements sluggish. "Are you alright babe?" I asked when he was within hearing distance.**_  
 _ **"Yeah, my ass hurts." He smiled as he came to a stop in front of me.**_  
 _ **"Sorry." I muttered, not happy that I hurt him. "I didn't mean to hurt you."**_  
 _ **"It's fine Gee. I enjoyed it."**_  
 _ **"Good." I whispered as I leant down and pressed my lips to his.**_  
  
 _ **"Gee, I'm scared." Frankie muttered, his eyes wide as he looked at me.**_  
 _ **"Why Frank, I won't let anything happen to you."**_  
 _ **"Alex said he was leaving but I need Alex." He explained, his hand slapping over his mouth as he realized what he had said.**_  
 _ **"I know about Alex Frank, he's been helping me too." I whispered, pushing him to finish whatever he was saying.**_  
 _ **"Alex was warning me, telling me that you had stopped the bad stuff happening, but it will still happen, just not the way I first saw it."**_  
  
I wrapped my arms around Frank and rested my chin on his head, my lips pressed against his hair. "I'll never let you get hurt." I muttered.  
  
I looked at Mikey as he threw open my curtains, his eyes on me to test my reaction. "Dude, you look like shit." He observed.  
"I feel it." I choked out, my hand shooting to cover my mouth.  
"You gonna hurl?" Mikey asked, one hand raised. I hesitated before shaking my head. "Well, I'll get mom."  
  
My mom pulled the thermometer from my mouth and studied it, her hand on my forehead as I shook. "You're staying home from school Gerard, and don't try to protest, you know how you get when you get sick." I scowled as she pulled my curtains closed and dimmed the lights. "If you're a good boy, I'll let Frank come and see you later." I nodded, laying my head back on my pillows as my mom left my room.


	22. Why do you hate me so? [Frank]

I stood by Gerard's locker with my headphones in, Misfits blasting out loud enough for everyone to hear. In my pocket was a crumpled up piece of paper with a note. I had read the words over and over since I found it but I refused to believe they were true.  
  
Mikey had text me before I left this morning telling me that Gerard was ill and he wouldn't be coming into school, so I knew I wouldn't see him but I still waited for him to turn up. I guess I just needed a little bit of reassurance that he was okay.  
  
"Frank!" Yelled Mikey as he ran up to me, his face red. "How long have you been stood here?"  
"About 20 minutes." I muttered as I pulled out my headphones.  
"What's wrong?" He asked as he studied my face. I shook my head, my hand tightening around the paper in my pocket. "Frank, you can't lie to me."  
"Tim had to go back to the care home, at least until they sort everything out with John." I explained, giving one of the many reasons I felt down.  
"Is that it?" He asked, gaining a nod in reply. "Fine, come round? I think James is coming for dinner."  
"Sure." I whispered as I tugged my bag back onto my shoulder.

* * *

 

"Hi Mrs Way." I greeted as I walked through the front door, hot on Mikey's heels.  
"Frank, call me Donna." She scolded as she took my coat and carried it into the kitchen. "James should be here in about an hour so occupy yourselves."  
"Thanks Donna." I replied as I followed Mikey up the stairs.  
"He's in bed, so keep quite if you wanna go see him." Mikey explained as we came to a stop outside the door.  
"Thanks." I muttered as I pushed the door open.  
  
My eyes landed on Gerard's bed, straining to see him in the dark room. I heard the rustle of covers as he rolled over, his arm hanging over the side of the bed. "Gee?" I whispered as I stepped closer.  
"Mhhmmblelsmmm." He murmured as I stopped in front of him.  
"Gee, baby, I'm here." I muttered as I sat on the edge of the bed.  
I took in his pale skin, the sheen of sweat coating everything as he moved, his eyes flickering under the light from the hallway. Another stream of incomprehensible words left his mouth before he rolled onto his front, burying his face in the pillows beneath him. I gingerly reached out my hand and stroked the hair away from Gerard's face, wincing as I saw the dark bruises under his eyes.  
  
"Oh baby." I whispered, kicking off my shoes and laying down next to him. I slid my arms around Gerard's waist and lay flush against his back. With my forehead against Gerard's chest, I finally managed to calm down, the note in my pocket momentarily forgotten. Sweat stuck Gerard's shirt to his back, his breathing heavy as he rolled over again, his head on my chest.  
  
"Love you." He muttered, one arm slung lazily over my stomach.  
"I love you too." I whispered, my lips pressed briefly to his forehead. "Now sleep Gee."  
"Can't." Gerard replied.  
"Why not baby? You won't get better."  
"'Cuz I have someone hot in my bed." He slurred. I felt a blush creep over my cheeks and attempted to hide it before replying.  
"Gee, sleep or I leave." I ordered, tightening my grip around his shoulders. He sighed loudly before curling up smaller and closing his eyes, his breathing steadying as he fell asleep.

* * *

 

A bright light and a loud bang startled me, sitting up as I felt around for Gerard. The bed was still warm so he couldn't have been gone that long, and footsteps echoed along the corridor. I climbed to my feet and followed the sounds, stopping with my hand on the bathroom door. "Gerard?" I called.  
"Go away Frank." He snapped, coughing brutally.  
"Gee, I wanna help." I whispered. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to face Mikey.  
"Mom said dinner's ready, but it doesn't look like he'll be wanting any." I shook my head as I sank to the floor, waiting patiently for Gerard to finish throwing up. Mikey stayed stood next to me, his arms folded over his chest.  
"What?" I asked.  
"Mom wants you to come down." He said. I sighed and climbed to my feet, glancing over my shoulder at Gerard before following Mikey down the stairs.  
  
I smiled at James before wrapping my arms around him, pulling back after nodding at his unspoken question before pulling back and sitting down. I accepted the plate offered to me and swirled my fork through the mashed potatoes, putting some in my mouth as Mikey looked at me, confusion etched into his features.  
  
A glass of orange juice was placed in front of me, a hand on my shoulder startling me. "Frank, what's wrong?" Asked James.  
"Don't feel too good." I whispered, the gentle crinkle of the paper in my pocket making my heart ache.  
"Want to talk about it?" He asked. I hesitated before shaking my head, chewing on my bottom lip. "Frank." James said, his eyebrow raised.  
  
I sighed and pulled the piece of paper out of my pocket, straightening it before placing it on the table. "Who wrote it?" Asked Donna, her eyes on the paper.  
"Dunno." I shrugged my shoulders.  
"What does it mean?" She asked as she read the words.  
"Obviously it means someone wants to do something to Gerard." I whispered as I fiddled with the hem of my t-shirt. "I gotta go see Gee." I whispered as I pushed my chair back from the table.  
  
I pushed open his door, my eyes dropping as I saw Gerard stood in front of the mirror. "Did I...?" I began. Gerard nodded, his bottom lip between his teeth. "I am so sorry." I muttered as I ran my fingers down the scratches coating his back.  
"Don't be." He whispered as he wrapped his arms around me. "It shows how much you love me." I smirked as he rested his chin against my head, my arms tight around his waist.  
  
I tiptoed and pressed my lips to Gerard's, my fingers tangling in his hair as our tongues met. I pushed him backwards until the back of his knees met his bed, his arms flailing as he fell backwards. "I wanna be with you forever." Gerard growled as I curled up against his chest.  
"I'm your forever anyway." I whispered.  
"Marry me." Gerard said, his voice strong. I hesitated momentarily before nodding. I slid my body up Gerard's, leaning down and pressing my lips to his. Gerard slid his hands down my body, stopping on my ass. My breath caught in my throat as I slid my hands down his torso, my hands sliding into the top of his pants.  
  
He flinched as my cold hands brushed his flesh. I carefully began stroking him, sliding my lips down his neck as I began to suck and nip at his skin. Gerard slid his hands into my pants and held me closer, moaning as I bit his neck. "Frankie..." He moaned. "My mom..."  
"I'll be quiet." I whispered as I tugged at the button, pulling his pants over his thighs.  
  
A grin crossed my lips when I saw he was going commando, his erection springing free as soon as I had his pants down. He gasped as I wrapped my lips around him, my hands pinning him to the bed. I swirled my tongue around the tip, licking off the precum as Gerard forced my pants down, not even worrying about the zipper. In one move, he flipped us over and thrust into me.  
  
I threw my head back and moaned loudly. Gerard grinned as he placed his hand over my mouth, reminding me to be quiet. I grinned and licked his hand, wrapping my hands around his neck as I brought his lips down to meet mine. As I thrust my hips to meet his, I had an idea.  
  
I wrapped my legs around Gerard's waist and flipped us so I was on top, Gerard's hands on my waist as he tried to hit my spot again. I started stroking myself in time with my thrusts. I felt waves rush over my stomach as I cam all over my hand, Gerard coming soon after.  
  
I lay down next to him, my arm flung lazily over his chest. I snuggled into Gerard's neck as my breathing evened out. "I love you." I whispered as I pressed my lips to his neck.  
"I love you too." Gerard replied as he tugged me closer, his lips skimming every inch of skin he could reach.  
  
A cool breeze skimmed over my legs, the curtains blowing to the side with the wind. My t-shirt was stuck to my back with sweat, my lips brushing over Gerard's chest. "Never leave." I whispered.  
"I won't." He replied.  
  
"What the hell is this?" Donna yelled, the bang of the door against the wall causing us both to jump, scrambling to tug the blankets over us. "What the hell are you doing in my son's bed?"  
"Mom..." Gerard whispered, his cheeks red.  
"No!" She yelled. "Get dressed and get out!" I nodded as I pulled my pants on, using the blanket to cover myself as I fought with the zipper.

* * *

 

James sat opposite me, his eyes on the TV as the opening credits to some crime show rolled up. "Were you being careful?" He asked, not looking at me.  
"Yeah." I replied, my cheeks going red.  
"Promise?" James asked me.  
"Yeah, we used condoms..." I whispered.  
"That's not what I meant Frank. He didn't..." James paused. "Force you?"  
"No. We tried before but I wasn't ready so he said we could wait."  
"Good." James muttered. "Just so long as you're careful." I nodded even though James couldn't see me.  
  
"Is it meant to hurt?" I asked, chewing the inside of my lip.  
"It does the first few times. It just takes a while to get used to it but when you know what it feels like, it's amazing. It turns into bliss and it just feels normal." James explained, turning to face me. "You know, you could have come to me if you needed to ask anything..."  
"I know... I was scared. I thought you would hate me for doing it so young and that you would rant at me."  
"Frank, you are almost an adult. You can make your own choices in life. If you really love Gerard, then it explains why you chose him. Just be careful." James said, his eyes on me.  
"Thank you." I whispered as I looked at the TV, accepting James' offer of a hug and relaxed into his arms, my eyes heavy.


	23. If I must choose, I choose you [Gerard]

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" My mom yelled as soon as Frank and James left.  
"Falling in love mom, it's a perfectly natural thing." I retorted.  
"I can see that, but why with him? Why couldn't you fall in love with someone normal?"  
"Because, mom, I don't want to. It fucking sucks when someone you love is ripped away from you and I can't be having that. Not when I have been hurt so much. You couldn't even ask me if I was okay!" I yelled, my face going red with the anger.  
"That doesn't mean you can bring him back here and fuck him!" She shouted, her hand raised.  
"Why do you care?" I shouted back, flinching when her palm met my cheek.  
  
I hissed as I stepped back, my hand reaching for my cheek. "Gerard, I'm so sorry." My mom muttered as she stepped closer.  
"Don't fucking come near me." I hissed, pressing my back against the wall. "Just don't."  
"Gerard..."  
"No! I got enough of that from dad, I never thought you would hit me. You're meant to care, not fucking hit me because you don't like my boyfriend." I snapped as I walked towards the stairs. "I'm getting my things and I'm leaving."  
"You leave that door and you aren't coming back." She threatened.  
"Like that's going to stop me. I'm fed up of being used as a punching bag, I can't do it anymore."  
  
"Gee..." Mikey whispered as I walked past his bedroom. "Are you really going?" I hesitated before nodding and walking into my room.  
"Sorry Mikes." I muttered as I grabbed a bag from under my bed and began piling clothes into it.  
"Please don't go. You don't really want to do you?" Mikey asked.  
"Look, I'm in love with Frank and if I stay here, mom will stop me seeing him and I can't lose him, not now."  
"She won't stop you Gee, she can't." Mikey's eyes flicked to the mound of clothes I was going through.  
"She will though. Mom hates Frank for some reason and I just... I can't live with her if she wants me to stop sing him because I love him Mikey." I slung my bag over my shoulder and left my room.  
"Gerard..." Mikey muttered as I walked down the stairs.

* * *

 

I knocked on James' door, holding my breath as I waited for a reply. I heard Frank's voice before he tugged open the door, his jaw dropping. "What are you...?" He asked.  
"She made me choose." I stated.  
"You chose me?" Frank stuttered. I nodded, a tear rolling down my cheek. "Oh baby, come here." I dropped my backpack onto the floor and wrapped my arms around Frank, burying my face in his hair.  
"I love you." I whispered.  
"I love you too Gee."  
  
"What's going on here?" James asked, stepping up behind Frank. "Who did that to you?" He asked as I looked up, his eyes on my cheek. "Was it your dad?"  
"My mom." I muttered as I shook my head.  
"Get inside, we'll get you cleaned up." James ordered, picking up my bag. Frank grabbed my hand and tugged me into the house, closing the door behind me.  
"Kitchen." Frank whispered, his hand on the small of my back.  
  
I sat on one of the chairs, my hands shaking as I placed them in my lap. James sat in front of me with the first air kit as he cleaned up the blood trickling down my face. I winced as he dabbed the antiseptic over the cut, grabbing Frank's hand and squeezing it tight. "Sit still." James ordered as I flinched away from his touch.  
"I'm trying." I muttered through gritted teeth.  
"What are these?" James asked pointing to some scars on my arm, only visible where my sleeve had rolled up.  
"Uhhhmm..." I hesitated, choking on my words.  
"Gerard." James said sternly.  
"I did them." I whispered. "I couldn't feel anything and I wanted to feel something."  
"Gee..." Frank muttered, his fingers on the scars. "You don't ever have to hurt yourself again."

* * *

 

I curled up on the bed, blankets pulled up to my chin as violent shivers wracked my body. Frank and James were sat downstairs, debating what to do about my mother, I had vanished, a sudden sick feeling washing over me.  
  
Frank had told me to sleep in his bed, so I curled up with his pillow clutched in my arms, hoping that it would help settle me, but it wasn't really working. Every time I moved, my head throbbed and I felt like I was going to throw up. My muscles ached and I couldn't focus. Just a typical day in the life of a sick me.  
  
Frank crawled into bed at about 3am, his breathing getting deep as soon as he lay down. He wrapped his arms around my waist and laid his head on my chest. I tugged him closer, sighing as a wave of nausea washed over me. I groaned softly, Frank's breathing catching as he looked at me through the dark. "Baby, you okay?" He asked. I shook my head gently, laying back on the pillows as Frank pressed his lips to my forehead. "You're burning up." He stated.  
"I'm gonna throw up." I whispered as I climbed to my feet, leaning on the door frame for support.  
  
I staggered to the bathroom and dropped to the floor, my head over the toilet as I forced up the small amount of food I ate. Frank knelt behind me, his hands on my shoulders, his thumbs making small circles. Once I had finished, Frank grabbed me a glass of water, watching me carefully as I sipped it. "Let's get you to bed." Frank whispered as he wrapped his arm around my waist.  
"I'm sorry." I whispered as Frank lay me down, kissing my forehead before curling himself against my side.


	24. Well that was nice of you [Frank]

I sat at the kitchen table, my head in my hands as I contemplated skipping school. I was tired and sore and just wanted to sleep. I knew I'd never get away with it though. James would make me go and Gerard would probably want to be left alone. I sighed as I swirled my spoon through my coffee, breathing in the scent. Footsteps in the doorway caused my head to dart up. "What're you doing up?" I asked as Gerard sat opposite me.  
"Couldn't sleep. Didn't want to miss another day at school." He muttered in reply.  
"But you won't recover." I stated.  
"Don't wanna be left to stew in my thoughts." Gerard added.  
"You regret it." I whispered, my eyes on the table in front of me. "You regret choosing me."  
"No!" Gerard shouted. "I do not regret choosing you and I never will. I love you Frank and I'll choose you any day. I will always choose you because you've helped me more than you can ever imagine." He explained, his hands either side of my face. "I will never regret it Frankie. Never."  
  
I leant forwards and pressed my lips to Gerard's, tangling my hands in his hair as I pulled myself closer to him. "You'll get sick." He whispered.  
"Don't care." I muttered as I nipped his bottom lip.  
"I want to fuck you right now." Gerard moaned, his hands on my ass. I kissed him again before grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the stairs. I kicked the door closed with my foot as I leant up to kiss Gerard again. He slid his hands down my side, hooking his fingers under my thighs and pulling me up, my legs wrapping around his waist. I tangled my fingers in Gerard's hair as he led me towards the bed, lowering me gently as he trailed kisses down my chest.  
  
I kicked my boxers off as Gerard reached them, his teeth grazing my hip before he took me in his mouth. I groaned, straining against Gerard's restraining hands. He swirled his tongue round the tip before pulling me back into his mouth, my hands tangled in his hair as he found a rhythm. Gerard kicked his boxers off as he slid back up my body, planting a kiss on my lips as he thrust into me, my back arching, my lips forming the perfect o as he hit the spot,stroking me in time with his thrusts. "Gee...." I panted, my nails digging half moons into his hips. "Gee, baby!" I moaned, leaning up and pressing my lips to his, my tongue brushing his teeth as I came over our stomachs. Gerard came shortly after, his lips attached to my neck, sucking softly on the flesh. He pulled out and lay next to me, his breathing heavy, his eyes drifting closed. "Don't sleep." I whispered.  
"I'm not." He muttered as he rolled over and licked the cum from my stomach, one of his hands reaching for mine.

* * *

 

"Glad you could join us." Mr Belzicky chuckled as me and Gerard made our way to the back of the classroom, or fingers tangled together. Gerard dropped into his seat and closed his eyes, his headphones in his ears, his arms crossed under his chin on the desk. I followed suit, my face turned towards Gerard as he dozed. My hand crossed the gap between us, resting on his thigh. There was no reaction so I slid it higher, stopping millimeters from his crotch. Gerard opened one of his eyes and raised his eye brow, smirking as he grabbed hold of my hand. He slid it higher up his leg until my fingers were brushing his crotch, his body reacting almost instantly. 'Do it' he mouthed as I fiddled with his zipper, my fingers teasing his dick. I shook my head and tangled our fingers together, Gerard pulling them to his lips and pressing them softly to the back of my hand.  
  
"Boys!" Yelled Mr Belzicky. "What do you think you're doing?"  
"Holding hands." Replied Gerard as he lifted our hands for him to see.  
"But you're both boys." He replied.  
"Does it matter?" I snapped.  
"Yes, it's wrong. Two boys should not be in a relationship, it's against human nature."  
"So what?" Gerard snapped at the same time I spoke.  
"So? We're still human goddamnit. Whatever happens in our minds that makes us love each other doesn't stop us being human. We just happen to love someone of the same sex."  
"It's abnormal. It's a mutation. It's not proper." Mr Belzicky snapped.  
"It's a mutation that makes us more open to accepting difference. You don't like it? Well stuff you because I love him and it's not gonna change, no matter how many stuck up idiots tell us it isn't normal." I stated, my eyes one Gerard. "If you can't accept that, then I don't want to be in your homeroom."  
  
A round of applause filled the room as I took a deep breath and shifted my desk closer to Gerard's, laying my head on his shoulder and pressing my lips to his neck. "Well done for defending yourself, but it still isn't natural so, apologize for speaking to a teacher like that or leave." Mr Belzicky ordered.  
"No." Gerard snapped. "You apologize for treating us differently because we're gay. You know we can get you done for that? Discrimination against pupils. Yup, I think I might do that if you don't change your goddamn tone." Mr Belzicky sighed and turned towards the board, ignoring our presence as he wrote down some details. "I love you." He muttered to me, pressing his lips to mine.  
"I love you too." I muttered as I swiped my tongue against his bottom lip, deepening the kiss. A kid cleared his throat from a desk to the left of me causing me to break away from Gerard, my cheeks on fire.

* * *

 

I grabbed my gym bag from my locker and scanned the room, looking for somewhere to get changed. I sighed when I saw the only open spot, right on the other side of the room. When I got there, I pulled my shirt over my head, flexing my back muscles as I got cramp. "Ohhh, it's the fag." Someone said from next to me. I sighed as I tugged on my gym shirt. "You're dating the Way kid aren't you?" The guy asked, his hand on the back of my neck. "What fun I'm going to have with you. I beat his brother, now his boyfriend." The person laughed as they dragged me towards the bathroom, throwing me to the floor. "I'm gonna teach you a lesson!" He yelled as he kicked me in the stomach, my breath rushing out of me in one breathe. "You're gonna regret ever existing!" I flinched as he pulled me up by my collar and slammed his knee into my stomach, letting my face collide with the sink as he dropped me to the floor. He turned slightly when someone called 'Tom', shrugging before turning back to me and punching me in the back. "He's mine! I'm gonna have some fun with this one!"  
"What the fuck have I done to you?" I snapped, spitting blood from my mouth as I spoke.  
"You took him away!" Tom yelled as his foot connected with my ribs. "You took him away from me!"  
  
Tom grabbed me by the throat and held me against the wall, his knuckles white as he glared at me. "I'm going to make you pay you faggot!" He spat as he kneed me in the groin, dropping me to the floor as he reached in his pocket. "I'm going to carve my name into your skin so you never forget." He laughed manically as he placed a key between his fingers, the sharp edge protruding out between his knuckles.  
"Don't. Please don't." I pleaded as I realized what he was going to do. "Please, I'll do whatever you want, just stop hurting me." Tom laughed as he punched me, my skin resisting the key, an animalistic scream leaving my lips as it broke the skin and sunk into my flesh.  
"Not happening Iero." He laughed as he twisted the key, my screams echoing around the bathroom. "I swear to god I will kill you!" He yelled as he pulled the key free. "You deserve to fucking die." He sneered as he raised his leg, letting his heel connect with my face before he sauntered off, leaving me lying in a pool of my own blood, my vision swimming.  
  
  
 _ **"You have to keep fighting." A voice said, their hand brushing my hair from my face. "You can't leave Gerard."**_  
 _ **"I can't..." I whispered, pulling my knees up to my chest.**_  
 _ **"Frank, promise me you'll keep fighting. I didn't die for you to give up, not like this."**_  
 _ **"Alex?" I asked. "I thought you had to go?"**_  
 _ **"You need me Frankie. You need me to tel you to keep fighting, to keep that heart of yours beating until someone finds you. Gerard needs you and if you leave him, he won't make it. You have to make it Frank." Alex explained.**_  
  
 _ **He brushed his hands over my exposed skin, his eyes darkening as he saw the cuts and bruises littering my flesh. "I swear Frankie, they won't get away with this." Alex muttered, his head darting up. "They're coming Frankie, you're going to be okay."**_  
 _ **"Don't go." I whispered, reaching out with my free hand, a tear rolling down my cheek as he disappeared.**_  
  
"Frank?" A voice asked. "Oh my god Frank, what did they do to you?"  
"Mikey?" I whispered.  
"Yeah, it's me Frank. Keep fighting okay? Gerard's on his way. He'll make sure you're okay. I promise."  
"I'm sorry." I muttered as I coughed, choking on the blood that was filling my mouth.  
"For what?" Mikey asked, confusion evident in his voice.  
"For this." I muttered as my breathing became slower and my eyes drifted closed.

* * *

 

I opened my eyes, groaning as the white lights filled every corner of my mind. The doctors sat me up, ignoring the groans of pain as they inspected my back for any serious injuries. When they had finished, they lay me down again, looking me in the face as they wrote things on the chart. "Right Mr Iero, we've stitched you up and it all looks to be fine but we have to warn you of a couple of things. Number one, don't get the stitched wet for a couple of days. It'll help you to heal. Number two, take these pain killers and it won't hurt that much. And number three, refrain from vigorous activities, and yes, that includes sex." I sighed and averted my eyes. The doctor chuckled before giving James the prescription and leaving the room.  
"He means it Frank, no sex or you'll pull the stitches." James muttered, looking straight at me.  
  
James helped me to my feet and led me from the room, motioning to Gerard as he supported my weight. "Get Frank to the car, I have some papers to sign." He ordered as he handed over the keys.  
"The doctors said no sex." I whined, looking at the knowing look on Gerard's face as he wrapped his arm around my waist, supporting my weight as he led me down the corridor.  
"I know. They told me I had to refuse if you asked." He explained, his lips against my forehead. "I still love you though."  
"I love you too." I whispered as I pressed my lips to his, wincing as I pulled the stitches.


	25. Secrets [Gerard]

"I thought I told you to stay away from them?" I yelled across the room, my eyes on the figure on the other side.  
"Oh, I am. I didn't actually hurt him. Someone else did that for me. I just told them who to hurt and when." He spoke.  
"I don't even know what you want from me. I paid you what I owed, I did everything you asked so why are you still going after everyone I care about?" I asked.  
"Because Gerard, you don't deserve to be happy, not after everything you put me through."  
"I didn't put you through anything. Why the fuck can't you just move on? I thought you were over it. I didn't think it hurt that much." I spoke, trying to keep my voice steady.  
"Just get out of here." He said, silence filling the room as I turned on my heels.

* * *

 

I knocked on the front door, waiting patiently for my mother to come and open it, my fathers face looking through the glass confusing me. "What are you doing here?" He hissed as he tugged the door open.  
"I've come to get more of my things. Is that not allowed?" I asked.  
"Yeah, but your mom, she's on a bit of a mad one." My dad replied as he tugged open the door for me.  
"I'll be careful."  
  
I walked up the stairs to my bedroom and grabbed another holdall, filling it with whatever would fit. "Gerard, you're safe." My mom's voice called from the doorway.  
"Yeah." I responded as I reached for a CD I promised Frank I would take.  
"I thought something bad had happened to you." She spoke slowly. "You know, you can stay here, I promise I won't stop you seeing him."  
"Yeah? Somehow I don't believe it mom." I replied. "Somehow I think you're going to forget I'm eighteen and don't even have to come back at all."  
"Gerard, please? We need you. Mikey needs you. I need you Gerard."  
"Fuck off mom. Don't play the pity card. It won't work on me." I zipped up the bag and hung it from my shoulder. "You hit me mom. The one thing you hated dad for and you did it. You are the worst."  
  
I stood at the front door, accepting the small pile of cash my dad gave me and waving goodbye to Mikey, smiling apologetically when mom grabbed him by the shoulder and forced him to turn away. "I'll come visit soon." I said before I turned and walked away, throwing a final wave over my shoulder before walking back to Frank's house, the smell of cooking filling every room.  
"Gee, help me." Called Frank from upstairs.  
"I'm coming." I replied as I closed the door and pulled my bag up the stairs, wincing when I saw the blood stains on Frank's shirt. "What did you do?" I asked as I pressed my lips to his forehead.  
"I stretched." He replied.  
"You idiot." I muttered as I pulled up his shirt and unstuck the dressing. I sighed and reached for the first aid kit beside the bed, pulled out the antiseptic wipes and cleaned the blood from his skin, smiling when all the blood was gone. "All sorted." I said as I taped on a new dressing, kissing the skin just above it.  
"Thank you baby." Frank whispered, his fingers wrapped around my wrist as he tugged me down until I was laying on top of him.  
"We can't." I protested.  
"We can't fuck, but that doesn't stop us making out." Frank stubbornly replied as he pressed his lips to mine. I relented, swiping my tongue against his bottom lip as he tangled his hands in my hair.  
  
"Guys!" James admonished. "You should not be doing that." I leant back from Frank, one knee either side of his hips, my body at an angle so James couldn't see how uncomfortably tight my jeans were becoming.  
"Sorry." Sighed Frank. "I just..."  
"I know, sexual frustration. Everyone gets it." James chuckled as he turned to leave the room. "Dinner is gonna be ready inf five, that's all the time you have." He said as he began walking down the stairs, the last part aimed at me.  
"How long do you need?" Frank whispered, his fingers playing with the zipper on my jeans.  
"Leave it alone, and I won't need any time." I smirked.  
"But I wanna..."  
"No Frank. I wanna fuck you through the mattress but I can't until you're better." I whispered, leaning my forehead against his. "Stop teasing me or I will forget what the doctors said and do it anyway."

* * *

I sat on the floor at the end of Frank's bed, a pile of movies in front of me as I tried to decide what to put on. "We should go and see Tim." Frank stated, laying on his stomach on the bed behind me.

"When?"  
"Now." Frank replied. "I haven't seen him in ages and I promised him I would go see him."  
"Sure, let me grab my car keys and we can go." I replied as I leant across the floor for a jacket.  
  
I pulled into the car park and watched as Tim stared out of one of the windows. "Come on, he'll probably freak when he see's you." I whispered as I grabbed Frank's hand, pressing my lips to the back of it before climbing from the car, locking it before getting dragged to the orphanage by Frank.  
"Tim!" Frank called as he stepped through the front door, a small boy running to us five seconds later.  
"Fwankie! Gewawd!" He yelled as he embraced us both, stepping back in concern when Frank hissed. "You hurt yourself." Tim stated.  
"I didn't hurt myself, not on purpose." Frank explained, crouching down to Tim's level. "How about we take you to a movie or the park or something?"  
"I have a family though." Tim whispered.  
"What?" I asked incredulously.  
"Mhmm, his name is Mr Carmichael." Tim smiled, waiting for the words to hit home.  
"James adopted you?" He laughed. Tim nodded.  
"Yesterday. I can't come to stay till you get better though." Frank nodded as Tim grabbed our hands and led us up to his room. "Help me pack?" He asked.

* * *

I sat with my arms around Frank, the ending credits to Resident Evil rolling up the screen. When we got back from Tim's, we checked with James if what Tim said was true, and he denied it, unsure of what Tim was saying, so we put it off to Tim's overactive imagination. Now, Frank dozed, his head on my chest, his hand sliding further and further down my stomach. I sucked it in as his hand reached the top of my pants, the tips of his fingers hooking underneath the edge as he let out the cutest little snore. I grabbed the remote and turned off the TV, pulling a blanket over our shoulders, shielding us from the cool breeze.

  
Frank shifted position slightly, whimpering as he bare side brushed the mattress. I tucked my arm under his side and pulled him closer, Frank automatically burying his face in my neck, his breathes brushing the tiny hairs. I pressed my lips to his forehead as I closed my eyes, ignoring the uncomfortable tightness in my pants. "Love you." I whispered as I drifted off.


	26. Greater Heights [Frank]

A whimper escaped my lips as I climbed to my feet, my hand over my side. "Fuck." I whispered as I pulled away my fingers, blood coating the skin. "Gee, help me." I muttered, poking him with my free hand.  
"What's up?" Gerard yawned, his eyes still closed.  
"I'm bleeding." I whispered as I leant against the desk, gritting my teeth against the pain.  
"Give me a second." He groaned as he climbed from my bed and flicked on the light, squinting as he reached for the first aid kid. "Baby, what did you do?" Gerard asked as he lifted my shirt over my head.  
"I have no idea. I just needed to pee." I muttered, gritting my teeth.  
"It's fine baby, I'll clean it up." Gerard whispered as he cleaned the blood staining my skin. He gingerly ran his fingers over the stitches, hesitating before pressing his lips to them. "There, now they have to get better." He muttered as he reached for the gauze and tape.  
  
He looked up at me with wide eyes, his hand hovering above my crotch. "That turned you on?" He asked, an eyebrow raised.  
"Kinda." I smiled sheepishly. Gerard carefully lowered my pajama pants, palming me through my boxers as he placed his lips on mine. "Please." I whimpered, straining against Gerard's touch. He smirked as he ran his lips over my neck, kissing and sucking his way to my collarbones, his hand sliding inside my boxers. I groaned quietly as Gerard nipped my hip, sucking on the skin. "Please Gee." I begged.  
"Patience." He whispered as he moved to the other hip, giving me matching hickies. Gerard grabbed the top of my boxers with his teeth, pulling them down my thighs before taking me in his mouth, sucking gently as he cupped my balls. He picked up pace, taking more and more of me into his mouth each time. I threw my head back, my hands on the edge of the desk for support. Gerard swirled his tongue round the tip, gazing up at me through his fringe. I felt my stomach knot as he took my whole length into his mouth, accepting and swallowing my load. My legs got weak, my knees buckling underneath me. Gerard caught me and sat me in his lap, his fingers running through my hair as he held me close to his chest. "I love you." He whispered before pressing his lips to mine, the taste of me still on his tongue.  
"I love you too." I muttered, tangling my fingers in his hair as he picked me up and carried me back to bed.

* * *

 

Gerard held my hand as we walked into school, Mikey and Ben flanking us as we walked down the corridors. The news of what had happened to me spread quickly. That, coupled with what happened to Gerard, led to sympathetic looks from everyone, the occasional muttered apology leaving peoples lips. I tried to fight back the tears, failing as Gerard dragged me into the bathroom. "Shhhh Frankie. I've got you." He whispered, his arms wrapped tight around my shoulders.  
"Why do people only care when something bad happens?" I sobbed.  
"Because it's the only time they can show they care without being called names. I always care Frankie and when I get hold of Tom I swear he will pay for this."  
"Don't make him pay Gee. Let him stew in the guilt." I whispered as I buried my face in the crook of his neck.  
"Ready to go to class?" Gerard asked. I nodded and pressed a kiss to the inside of his neck, smiling as he grabbed my hand and dragged me from the room.  
  
Mr Belzicky coughed when we walked into the room, hand in hand. "Boys. I need to apologize for my behavior yesterday, it wasn't acceptable and I hope you can forgive me."  
"Maybe, but not now." I replied as Gerard helped me to my desk, standing on the side with the stitches. He lowered me into my seat and dragged his desk closer, his lips pressing against my neck the minute he was sat down. He kissed me gently, his hand resting on my hip, my fingers reaching out to tangle with his.  
"Love you." He breathed against my skin.  
"Love you too baby." I whispered as I lowered his hand so he could see what he was doing to me.  
  
The bell went and I climbed to my feet, wincing as I hit the edge of the desk. "Goddamnit." I yelled.  
"Frankie?" Gerard asked, worry on his face.  
"It's pissing me off now. I just want it to go away." I snapped, my face paling at the hurt look on his face. "No baby, not you. I don't want you to go away."  
"I'm the one that got you hurt. I know what you meant." He whispered as he backed away and picked up his backpack. "I'll leave you alone." Gerard muttered as he left the room.  
"Gee, don't go." I pleaded as the door swung shut behind him. A tear leaked from my eyes as I picked up my bag and walked from the room, my hand protectively over my already aching side. I saw Gerard on the other side of the hallway and tried to meet his eyes, my heart breaking when he looked away.  
  
Mikey dragged me to the side when I entered the music classroom, looking pissed off as he tried to get me to meet his eyes. "What the fuck happened?" He muttered.  
"I don't know." I replied.  
"Why the hell did Gerard flip when I asked why he wasn't sat with you? What happened Frank?" Mikey pushed.  
"I said I was pissed off and wanted it all to go away and he thought I meant him and now he won't look at me or talk to me and he's avoiding me and it hurts." I ranted.  
"It's not just you that's hurting. He told me it was all over. He thought you broke up with him Frank." Mikey explained. "Gerard thinks it's over between you two and he is fucking broken Frank."  
"What can I do?" I whispered.  
"Tell him what you meant. He's locked himself in the bathroom when he went last time." Mikey said, referring to the time he ran out on me in homeroom. I nodded and left the classroom, ignoring the glares from the teacher. Mikey would cover for me.  
  
"Gerard?" I called from the other side of the cubicle door.  
"Fuck off." He snapped, his voice hoarse from crying.  
"No Gerard. I am not going through this again. I'm never going to leave you, no matter what we go through because I love you and you don't leave someone you love so get your fucking ass out here and kiss me." I ordered, standing back while I waited for him to make a choice. Within seconds the door was unlocked. Gerard slid one hand behind my neck, his lips meeting mine, his other hand slipping down to squeeze my ass. I kissed back, dropping my bag onto the floor so I could tangle my hands in his hair, swiping my tongue across his bottom lip. "I will never leave you Gee. Never, ever." I whispered as I rested my forehead against his, my breathing heavy as he ran his hands over my skin. He kissed me again, his tears hitting my cheeks. I wiped one away with my thumb, holding the kiss for a second longer before pulling away and wrapping my arms around his waist, my head on his chest. "I promise Gerard." I whispered.  
"Good." He replied, his hands in the back pockets of my pants, his thumbs drawing small circles on the bare skin of my back. "Because I would die if you do."

* * *

 

I watched as Gerard climbed onto the stage, his hands shaking as he stepped up to the microphone. Mikey stood to one side of him, me sat on the other, my guitar clutched in my fingers. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, lyrics flowing from his lips when he opened them again. Me and Mikey played our respective pieces, smiling at each other when Gerard's voice gained strength and confidence. The class was silent, their jaws open as we played, unsure if it was really Gerard, the quiet introvert on the stage.  
  
A round of applause echoed around the room when we finished, Gerard reaching for my hand and pulling me in for a kiss. The clapping got louder when his lips met mine, a few catcalls mixing in with the wolfwhistles from the crowd. "Thank you." He whispered as we climbed down from the stage. "Thank you so goddamn much."  
"Your welcome." I grinned as we took our seats, my head on Gerard's shoulder, as the rest of the class took their turns at performing.


	27. All because I love you [Gerard]

Frank slid from the chair next to me, his hand on his side as he stumbled from the room. “What’s wrong with him?” Mikey asked.  
“Dunno.” I whispered in reply. “I’m gonna go see if he’s alright.” I climbed from my chair and walked from the room. I followed Frank towards the bathroom where he stood in front of the mirror with his shirt pulled up, his face scrunched up as he pulled the dressing free of his skin. “Babe.” I muttered as I pulled the door closed behind me. “What’s up?”  
“It fucking hurts. I just want it to stop hurting.” Frank muttered, his eyes downcast as he observed the red and inflamed skin. “Why would he do this?” Frank asked, reaching for my hand and pulling me close.  
“I don’t know Frankie.” I sighed as I wrapped my arms around him. “But I swear to god he’s going to pay.”  
"Don't do anything stupid." He whispered as he kissed the skin at the base of my neck.  
"I won't baby." I whispered as I leant down and captured his lips. "I promise."  
  
Frank tightened his grip on my waist, his shoulders shaking as he began to cry. "Shh, don't cry Frankie." I whispered. "It's alright, I promise." Frank sniffled as he nodded, wiping the back of his hand across his cheeks.  
"Can we go back?" He asked, his hazel eyes looking up at me through his hair.  
"Of course we can." I replied as I grabbed his hand and walked towards the music classroom, spinning him carefully and pushing him to the lockers. Frank looked up at me, confused as I leant in, my lips pressed against his, my hips stopping any chance of escape.  
  
He sighed into the kiss, his hands tangling in my hair as my tongue swiped his bottom lip, gently flicking his lip ring. Frank leant back against the lockers, his breathing heavy as he kissed me, his hands alternating between running down my sides and squeezing my ass. I moaned softly as he slid his thumbs beneath the waistband of my pants. I pulled away and leant my forehead against his. "I love you." I whispered.  
"I love you." He replied as his tongue darted out to brush over his lips.  
"Lets get back to class." I muttered, just as the bell went, students filling the corridor.  
"That idea's fucked." Frank grinned as he tiptoed, his lips brushing mine again.  
"Meh." I chuckled as Mikey walked from the music room, our bags and binders in his hands.  
"Stop making out and take your things." He ordered, laughing when Frank's cheeks went red.

* * *

"When are you coming home?" Mikey asked as we walked down the street, my hand in Frank's, Mikey's eyes on a girl on the other side of the road.  
"I'm not Mikes. Not while mom is being such an asshole." I explained, pushing the button on the crosswalk.  
"She misses you though." Mikey paused. "I miss you."  
"Go home Gee." Frank whispered. "You'll still be able to see me, but you're mom is your mom, you shouldn't pick me over her."  
"Tell ya what Mikey, when Frank's better, I'll come home. How does that sound?" I reasoned.  
"Awesome." Mikey muttered.

* * *

Frank slipped his shirt over his head, cringing when he saw how red his skin was. His fingers brushed the stitches, his eyes filling with tears. I brushed my hand over his cheek, wiping away his tears and wrapped my arms around him. "I have to go out for a bit." I whispered. "I'll be back soon."  
"Don't hurt yourself." Frank whispered, his lips brushing mine as he stepped back.  
"I won't." I replied. "I'll be back soon, I promise."  
  
I stood inside the doors, my eyes scanning the floor for any sign that he was already here. I saw a flickering light at the other end of the factory and started walking towards it. "You made it then?" He snapped.  
"Yes." I replied, my voice even. "But you broke your promise. You let them hurt him."  
"Well, you seem to forget that everything has an interest rate, you may have paid what you owed, but you still didn't pay everything. Maybe we could just...I don't know, sell your body. I'm sure I have some clients that would like to fuck."  
"Why do you think I would do that?" I asked.  
"Because you clearly don't have the money, otherwise you wouldn't be here begging for us to leave him alone, would you?" He asked, a slight chuckle in his voice. "I'll tell you what. You be at this location at the time decided, and do everything the people want, and we will wipe your debt completely. They'll leave him alone." A piece of crumpled paper was thrown at my feet, the words visible in the flickering light.  
"What will they do to me?" I asked.  
"That doesn't matter." He sneered. "Just be there, and don't mention that you have a little boyfriend, or they'll get mad."  
"Danny..." I muttered. "Please, you can't...you wouldn't do this to me."  
"Too fucking late." He hissed as he put out the light, plunging me into darkness and leaving me to stumble my way to the exit.

* * *

I waited outside the door, my hand hovering over the wood as I waited for my phone to click over to eight before dropping my knuckles to the wood, the door clicking open seconds later. I was ushered into a smoke filled room, fighting the urge to cough as I was pushed none to gently down onto a couch, five sets of eyes leering at me through the darkness. A low murmur filled the room as one of the people stepped towards me, dropping gently down onto the couch. "We're going to have some fun, and you are going to do everything we say. Capiche?" I nodded meekly, the other people in the room laughing. "Good, now stand up and strip."  
  
I hesitated, my hands crossed over my lap, my heart thudding against my chest. "Do it or we'll tell Danny you failed." He laughed, his fingertips brushing my skin. "And you wouldn't want that now, would you?" I shook my head as I climbed to my feet and tugged my shirt over my head, my hands shaking as I struggled with the zipper on my pants. "Aww, I'll help." Laughed the voice as he ripped them down, tugging my boxers with them. My hands shot over my groin, attempting to cover myself, and failing.  
  
"Drop the hands." Sneered another voice as he walked around me, his eyes greedily drinking in what he saw. I could feel my heart thumping against my chest as he reached out to touch me, goosebumps appearing on my skin where his fingers touched.  
"Please don't." I whispered, my voice shaky.  
"Don't fucking talk." He snapped as he reached out to touch me again, his hand brushing me gently before he pulled me towards him. "Now, we're all going to have a little fun with you, and you aren't going to say a word. Understand?" I nodded and let him lay me down, shaking as he pulled down his zipper and freed himself. I fought back a scream as he pushed himself into me, laughing as tears streamed down my face.  
  
Three hours and seven guys later, I had my clothes thrown at me and was ordered to get dressed and leave, to not talk of it or they would hunt me down. I flinched as I climbed to my feet, the bruises on my thighs pulling as I fought my jeans back on, my back screaming in pain as I pulled my t-shirt over my head. I threw a final glance over my shoulder at the men, each one with their hands around themselves, before I left.

* * *

"You were gone a long time." Frank whispered as he curled up against my side.  
"I'm sorry babe." I muttered in reply, unsure of what lie to give.  
"You've been crying." Frank observed. "Something's wrong." He leant himself up on one arm, his eyes boring into mine as he tried to work out what was wrong. I shook my head and tried not to think of what happened. "Tell me." Frank whispered, concern etched in his face.  
"It doesn't matter Frankie. All that matters is you're going to be okay now."  
"Gee, baby, tell me what's wrong." Frank pleaded. So I did, keeping out as much of the details as I could, just giving him a rough overview.  
  
"How could he?" Frank whispered when I was finished, his arms wrapped around my shoulders. "Why did you let them?"  
"Because I wanted them to stop hurting you so I let them do it to me because it meant they're going to leave you alone."  
"But you didn't have to let them do that to you. What the hell did you owe this guy for anyway?" Frank pushed.  
"It doesn't matter Frankie." I whispered as I pressed my lips to his, lingering for a second as I dragged him down to lay on the bed. "What does matter is that I would do anything for you because I love you and I would hate to see you get hurt."  
"I love you too." Frank whispered as he snuggled against my chest, his eyes closed and his breathing even.


	28. Just me and you against the world [Frank]

I slid my arm out from underneath Gerard and climbed from the bed, my back popping as I stretched before I left the room. James was hunched up on the sofa, a piece of folded and creased paper clutched in his fingers, shaking slightly as he sobbed silently. “What’s wrong?” I asked as I dropped onto the couch next to him, my head resting on his shoulder while I waited for a reply. “James?”  
“They won’t let me keep you.” James whispered, his voice barely above a whisper. “They want to take you away because I can’t look after you apparently.”  
“I’m not going back to that place, not when all the care homes are too far away for me to see you or Gerard.”  
“Frank, you don’t have a choice. Since John did what he did, they think I’m a risk to you and I might hurt you. They think I might be like John.” James sighed.  
“I am not going back there goddamnit! That place was so bad. I hated it there, it… it made me want to die and they want to send me back? What kind of fucked up people are they? I can’t leave you or Gerard. I can’t leave, James. I can’t!” I yelled as I climbed to my feet and started pacing the living room. “I just… Why are they taking everyone away that I love?” I whispered, choking back a sob.  
“They aren’t Frank, you’d still be able to see Gerard, you just can’t live with me.” James muttered.  
“I am so goddamn sorry but they can go and fuck themselves because I’m not leaving you!” I slid my back down the wall until I was sat on the floor, ignoring the blood staining my shirt, sobs breaking free from my chest.  
“Frank…” James began, touching my shoulder gently as he tried to get me to look at him. “Frank, I will fight to keep you here, I really will. Now, let’s get you cleaned up, hey?”  
  
I nodded as James helped me to my feet, gasping when blood dripped down my side. “This is too much blood for that cut, what have you done Frankie?” James asked as he carefully peeled the shirt away from my skin.  
“I’m sorry…” I whimpered as James peeled away the dressing and cleared up what he could see.  
“Frank.” James said sternly.  
“I couldn’t do it anymore alright! I just… I had to feel the blade again.” I whispered. “Please don’t hate me.”  
“Frank, I could never hate you. Just… try not to cut yourself anymore. It won’t help anything when I try to explain why I’m stable enough to keep you here.” James paused as he dressed the slices on my ribs. “Fuck, Frank, I’m starting to love you like you are my own son. You mean the world to me and I would hate for anything to happen to you.”  
“Thank you.” I whispered as I accepted the clean shirt and tugged it over my head.  
  
“Frank!” James called as I turned to leave the room. “Gerard loves you too you know. He may not show it all the time, but he does, so maybe it’s time to open up and tell him the whole truth?” I hesitated before nodding, my feet leading me away from the room.  


* * *

I stood outside the cemetery gates, my hands shaking as I thought of what I was going to do. Visiting their graves hasn’t been something I would willingly do. I would have to be dragged here, but with Gerard by my side, his fingers tangled in mine, I felt safe, like nothing could hurt me.  
  
Gerard coughed gently, his eyes on me as he tried to pull me from my daydream. “You sure about this Frankie?” He asked, his arms wrapping around my shoulders as I fought back the tears.  
“Yeah, just… give me a second.” I whispered as I wiped the tears from under my eyes.  
“Just give me a shout.” Gerard replied as he leant against the wall, my head on his chest as I tried to compose myself.  
  
 _“You can’t make me go in there!” I yelled, kicking out at the doctor that brought me here. “Please! Don’t.” I begged._  
 _“Frank, you have to.” He said, his voice even as he struggled with my flailing arms. “It will help you get better.”_  
 _“It won’t! If I don’t see the graves then they aren’t dead and that means they can come back. I can’t… Liam can’t be dead…” I sobbed, sagging back against the wall._  
 _“Frank, I promise it will help the nightmares stop, you’ll stop seeing whoever this Alex is if you just go to their graves.”_  
 _“I DON’T WANT TO!” I yelled as loud as a 15 year old could, my throat seizing with the effort. “I can’t go in there because that means they are actually dead which means I’m all alone and it’s all my fault and I don’t want that and I’m scared.”_  
 _“Please, for us. I promise you don’t have to stay long, just go and say goodbye, Frank.”_  
  
 _I sighed and relaxed in the doctors grasp, allowing him to drag me to their graves, their names inscribed on the cold stone causing sobs to break free from my chest. “I’m sorry mommy.” I sobbed. “I didn’t mean to let him get you or daddy or Liam. I’m so so sorry.”_  
 _“Frank, let it all out, say goodbye to them and you can move on.”_  
  
“Frank...Frank…. Frankie, baby look at me.” Gerard asked, his hands either side of my face, his thumbs brushing away the tears as they leaked down my face. “We don’t have to do this Frank, not if you don’t want to.”  
“Its only right to say goodbye to Alex as well.” I whispered as I tiptoed and gently pressed my lips to Gerard’s. “Now, come on before I chicken out.” He nodded and held my hand as I lead him down the familiar path to my parents graves, turning off just before to stop at Alex’s.  
  
I felt my back shudder as I fought to keep from sobbing, my sides aching as I kept in the tears. Gerard reached out, his hands gingerly clinging at my sides, his breathing heavy as he realized how much pain I was in. “I hate you.” I hissed towards the headstone. “I fucking hate you Alex. You tore my life apart, you killed my family and forced me to move into a care home. You fucking slaughtered my little brother and my parents and I fucking hate you for it.” I took a deep breath and leant back into Gerard’s arms. “But then I can’t help but love you. What you did may have been cruel and twisted and fucked up and just fucking sadistic, but it made me meet Gerard and I don’t know what I would do without him because he is my world now and I swear to god Alex, if you let any harm come to him, I will bring you back to life just so I can kill you myself. You understand?”  
  
Gerard slipped his arms all the way around my waist, his head on my shoulder as he sniffled, tears landing on my t-shirt. “And I promise Alex, I will fucking ruin you if he gets hurt.” I promised as I turned on my heels, grabbing Gerard’s hand and dragging him from the graveyard. “I wanna…” I whispered as I gestured to the back seat, my breath hitching in my throat as Gerard froze, his face going pale. “We don’t have to, not if you’re not ready…”  
“No!” Gerard pretty much yelled. “I am, but… come on Frank, a back seat? I will not make love to you in a fucking car.”  
“Well then fuck me, don’t be gentle.” I stated, going red when Gerard began spluttering.  
“Frank…” Gerard began.  
“Shhh.” I protested as I placed my finger on his lips. “I don’t give a shit, I just want you in me.”  
“Frank…” Gerard tried to argue, my lips meeting his stopping any arguments before they could begin.  
  
I tangled my hands in his hair as he fumbled for the car keys, pressing the button that would unlock it, pressing me against the cold metal with his hips as he tugged the door open. Gerard lay me down on the backseat and closed the door, his lips meeting mine again, his hands running over my torso. “We can’t.” He panted as his hand rested on my crotch.  
“I can. I promise.” I panted, leaning up to capture his lips again. “I asked James earlier. Please Gerard.” I begged, tangling my fingers in his hair as he relented, his hand deftly pulling down my zipper and palming me through my underwear. I moaned into the kiss, my hands brushing down Gerard’s sides as I ground my hips upwards.  
  
I felt Gerard slide my pants down, his fingertips lingering on the inside of my thigh. He lowered his head and gently kissed the skin just above the hem of my boxers, his breath moving the tiny hairs. He nipped the skin softly, my back arching at the contact. “God Gee!” I panted, my hands reaching down to tangle in his hair as he pulled my boxers down with his teeth. He grinned as he slid up my body to place his lips to mine, his hands sliding between us.  
  
“I love you Frankie.” Gerard whispered as he captured my lips again, guiding my hand down to his pants so I could feel how hard he was.  
“Lets get you out of those.” I growled as I tugged them down, underwear with them. I grabbed hold of him and guided him towards my entrance, wincing slightly as he pushed up against me.  
“Does it hurt?” Gerard muttered against my lips. I bit my tongue and shook my head, pressing my hips down lightly, begging him to keep going, a moan leaving me as Gerard started pumping me, distracting me as he pushed the rest of the way in, his lips pressed against mine as he pulled out slightly before slamming his hips into mine, biting my bottom lip softly as I moaned.  
  
“Harder.” I panted as my nails dug half moons into Gerard’s hips, Gerard thrust harder as he sucked on the skin of my neck, bursting hundreds of the tiny capillaries below the surface, marking me as his own. My hips thrust upwards to meet Gerard’s, our breathing coming in rapid pants as my stomach knotted, my hands tangled in Gerard’s hair, moaning as I encouraged him to go faster, bucking my hips to meet Gerard halfway.  
  
He angled my hips to allow better access, his breathing coming faster as he thrust harder, his lips leaving mine to trace lightly down my neck before meeting my lips again, his tongue swiping my lips ring as he kissed me roughly, my stomach clenching as I came close. “Gerard, I’m gonna… I’m gonna cum.” I panted, moaning when I released, my breathing heavy as Gerard came after, collapsing gently next to me and wrapping his arms around my waist.  
“I love you so fucking much Frank Iero.” He breathed, his lips inches from mine.  
“I love you too Gerard Way.” I replied as I snuggled down into his arms, sitting upright when a branch hit the window. “We better go home.” I whispered, leaning down to press my lips to Gerard’s.


	29. Because I love him [Gerard]

I stood in my mom's living room, my eyes on my parents as they stared at me, open mouthed. "Why Gerard?" My dad asked.  
"Because I love him. I want to be with him forever, but I wanted to know what you thought. I mean, you are my parents after all." I explained, grateful that my dad was at least asking why.  
"So, you wanted to know what we thought of you asking him to marry you?" Dad clarified, his eyes gleaming. I nodded softly, my eyes on my mother. "I say go for it son. You love him, and that's all it takes. I've seen the way you look at each other, and I know how much he means to you."  
"Thanks dad." I smiled. "Mom?"  
"Gerard, I may hate him, but that doesn't stop you loving him does it? What you feel for Frank will never change, not now, not ever. If you really want to marry him, then I guess there isn't anything I can do to stop you. I can warn you because you are both young, but that's it. Just... be careful Gerard, don't get hurt."  
"I won't mom." I whispered as I embraced her.  
  
Mikey was practically bouncing off the walls when I walked into his room. "You heard?" I asked as he threw himself at me.  
"Yeah! God Gerard, I am so happy for you! You are perfect for each other, you really are!"  
"Thank's Mikes." I whispered as I wrapped my arms around him. "I just wanna.. I dunno Mikes, I wanna spend the rest of my life with him and I wanna make it special, ya'know?"  
"Yeah! I totally do." He laughed, his face suddenly getting serious. "What about Danny? He'll flip man, you know he will."  
"I don't wanna think about it." I sighed as I chewed the inside of my lip.  
"Gee, you know Danny will try and take him away from you, it's what he always said he would."  
"I know Mikey. I have to go and sort it out, but.... please goddamnit, don't worry, I won't get into trouble, I won't let him hurt me." I promised as I ran my fingers through my hair.  
"Please don't. Don't go, not alone. Take me and Frank, we'll help back you up. I promise."

* * *

"Explain everything." Frank asked when I sat him down and told him who I needed to see.  
"I don't know where to start though." I whispered, my eyes downcast, Mikey's hand on my shoulder for support.  
"The beginning babe, start at the beginning" Frank pushed. I nodded and took a deep breath, looking over at Mikey for reassurance.  
  
"Well, a couple of years ago, I mixed with the wrong crowd. I'd just come out and everyone started acting cold towards me, my old friends turned and ran and my new friends were... different. Danny, he's the one that started my downhill sprint, and he's the one that tried to get me to follow it towards the end. God, how I wish I'd listened to everyone.  
  
"Danny started being different as well. He became touchy and only wanted to do things. They weren't always sexual, but they hurt, and they sucked. I started going downhill, clinically depressed according to my doctors. They put me on loads of med's and just kept pumping me full of them.  
  
"I got addicted. I took more than the stated dose and I ran out. When the doctors stopped giving them to me, I went to Danny, begged him to get me some. He did, but for a price. Each bottle he got was fifty bucks. I could pay him off to start with. I emptied my college funds to pay him but it wasn't enough.  
  
"He started charging interest and if I couldn't pay, he would make me do what he did the other day. He would send me to his friends to clear up the debt, but I'll never do it, not with how much I owe him.  
  
"I have to pay him off Frank. I need to otherwise I will have no future and my life will suck. I can't do it, living my whole life owing him money or sexual favors or even my life if it gets that far."  
  
Frank looked at me, his mouth open, his eyes filled with pain. "And what are you thinking of doing?" He asked me, his hand on mine.  
"Well, I'm going to go and speak to him, find a way to pay him off in one go. I don't know how, but I have to do it...." I whispered.  
"We're going with him." Mikey stated. "Just in case."  
  
"Why so sudden though Gerard? Why do you have to pay him off now?" Frank asked as he slid closer to me, his legs hanging over mine.  
"Because Frank, I don't want my husband living in fear of what Danny's going to do."  
"But you're not.....Oh... OH..." Frank stuttered when he realized what I was saying. "Oh my god Gerard, I love you so fucking much." He leant forwards and pressed his lips to mine, his arms wrapping around my neck as he placed his head on my chest.  
"I take that as a yes?" I asked, my chin resting on the back of his head.  
"Of course it is Gerard. Of course I'll marry you."  
  
"When do we go?" Mikey asked, his eyes on mine.  
"Well, you mean when do I go. And now, the sooner the better." I explained.  
"Gee... We agreed me and Frank were coming." Mikey protested.  
"And that will only get you hurt." I reasoned. "You can't get hurt because I love you both too much."  
"I'm coming no matter what Gee." Frank whispered. "I'm not leaving you for anything."  
"Get your stuff then." I sighed reluctantly, knowing I would never get out of there if I didn't let them come.

* * *

I stood outside of the agreed location, my hand wrapped around Frank's, Mikey stood to the right of me, his breathing even as he looked at the doors. "You can do this Gee." He muttered supportively.  
"Thanks." I whispered as I squeezed Frank's hand and stepped through the door, coming face to face with Danny.  
  
"I see you brought friends." He sneered as he looked at my brother, a hungry look on his face. "This could be fun."  
"No Danny, you are going to hear me out." I said evenly, acknowledging Frank and Mikey's presence with a small step forwards. "I want my debt written off any way possible. I don't care how, just leave Frank and Mikey alone. I'll pay however much you want just as long as you leave them out of it."  
"Well, we can come to an arrangement then." He laughed as he raised a gun and aimed it at my head. "One, you step away from them or I shoot. Two, you do everything I want, or I kill them. Three, I never see you again or I kill you all. Understand?" Danny asked. I hesitated before nodding.  
  
Slowly, I stepped away from Frank and Mikey, my hands raised as I gave them a reassuring glance. "On your knees." Danny ordered. I hesitated, probably a second too long as he turned the gun on Frank. "I. Said. On. Your. Knees."  
"Fine." I whispered as I dropped the gun, holding back tears as I saw how scared Frank was, his face white.  
"Now, you will do what I say or I kill this one first." Danny laughed, poking Frank;s chest with the barrel before coming to stand in front of me.


	30. I would die for you [Frank]

I tried to keep my breathing even as Danny pressed the gun up against my breast bone, his eyes hungry as he looked at Gerard. "Baby." I muttered under my breath, my eyes on Gerard's, trying to convey my love through a look. "Do what he says." Gerard hesitated before nodding, his eyes dropping when Danny walked over and dropped his pants.  
"Make a noise and I shoot him, understand?" He sneered, laughing when Gerard forced himself to nod. "Good, open wide." He laughed, forcing his dick into Gerard's mouth.  
  
Choking sounds came from Gerard, tears streaming down his face. There was a moment of silence before Danny screamed, hopping back and checking his genitals, fury clear on his face. "I'll let you off, but only because you couldn't breathe." He snapped, ignoring me and Mikey as I grabbed my phone and tapped out a message, watching Mikey as he read it.  
  
 **Danny isn't interested in you. Go and get help. I'll stay. I'll make sure Gerard is okay.**  
  
Mikey nodded and waited before Danny turned to Gerard again before turning and running from the warehouse. My hands shook as I tried to block out what Danny was doing to Gerard, my heart thumping against my chest as I was forced to watch, one of Danny's friends holding my head in place.  
  
Another scream erupted from Danny as Gerard pulled back, blood spurting from his mouth as Danny cradled his crotch, tears streaming down his face. "I told you!" Danny screamed as he lunged for Gerard; his fingers round his throat, blood dripping down his legs. "I am going to make you watch him die Gerard! You will watch Frank die and then I'll kill you and that brother o yours."  
"No!" Gerard gasped, his free hand going to Danny's mutilated groin and hurting him further, tearing his nails down the skin that was left. "Get out of here Frank." He panted as he looked at me, his eyes wide with fear.  
"I can't." I stated as something was pushed into my back, cold through the thin material of my t-shirt.  
"Frank, please?" He begged as Danny renewed his efforts, flying for Gerard and missing, his head colliding with the wall behind him.  
  
A short gasp left his lips as his lungs deflated, followed by a loud bang, Gerard's face going ghostly white as he staggered to his feet and ran towards me, tears streaming down his face. "What's wrong?" I asked, looking down when he gestured at my chest. "Gerard...." I whispered, tears streaking down my face when I saw the red spreading across my chest.  
"I've got you Frankie." He sobbed as my knees buckled, his arms reaching out to catch me. "I'm not letting you go." He whispered as he pressed his lips to my forehead, brushing hair out of my eyes.  
"It doesn't hurt Gerard. It can't be that bad." I muttered, my left arm limp beside me.  
  
"Oh Frankie, keep believing that. Please?" He begged, his eyes filled with unshed tears. "Then it won't hurt."  
"Why are you crying?" I asked him, reaching up with my right arm, wiping away a tear and holding it on my thumb.  
"Because I got you hurt Frankie." Gerard whispered, his hands fussing over me.  
"Nope. I'm not hurt." I whispered, wincing as a stabbing pain worked its way through my back. "It's..." I gasped. "Shit Gee, it fucking hurts. Make it stop." I begged. "Please make it stop."  
  
"I can't Frankie." He whispered as he wrapped his arms tighter around me. "I wish I could but I can't. I just... it's my fault Frankie. I shouldn't have let you come. I should never have let you come."  
"Mikey's getting help." I whispered, my vision blurring.  
"I know. He'll be back soon." Gerard promised.  
  
"I'm so cold." I stammered.  
"I'll keep you warm Frankie." He muttered as he draped his jacket over my shoulders. "Better?" He asked as I took a deep breath and closed my eyes against the pain. I nodded gently and gritted my teeth against the pain, wincing when it started to sting. "Stay with me?" He asked, his eyes filled with tears, his voice cracking.  
"I'll try." I breathed through the pain, gritting my teeth as my lungs strained against the shattered pieces of ribs.  
"Frank, I love you." Gerard whispered as he pressed his lips to mine.  
"I love you too." I muttered as I arched my back, squeezing my eyes shut, blocking out the screams of pain that were fighting to break free.

* * *

_**"It's okay Frank." Alex whispered as I opened my eyes, his hand outstretched towards me. "I've got you."** _   
_**"Where's Gerard?" I asked as I ran my hands over my chest, my jaw dropping when they came away clean.** _   
_**"Exactly where you left him Frank, look." Alex said as he turned me around, pointing to the floor about three feet away.** _   
  
_**"What...That's me..." I stated, my voice filled with disbelief.** _   
_**"I'm sorry Frank." Alex whispered. "I really am."** _   
_**"What happened?" I asked as I stepped closer, my ears automatically shutting out Gerard's pained sobs. "What happened to me?" I yelled when Alex cleared his throat, trying to find an excuse not to answer. "Tell me you asshole! Tell me what happened!"** _   
_**"You were shot. It missed your heart by about three inches. You're lucky that your heart is still beating. Help is on it's way."** _   
_**"What am I doing here then?" I asked.** _   
_**"You're here so I can tell you to keep fighting. Gerard needs you so you can't give up." Alex muttered, placing a kiss on my forehead before he began to fade, leaving me alone as the pain forced me to acknowledge what had happened.** _

* * *

"Come on Frankie." Gerard whispered, his head darting upwards as people came rushing into the room, their words blurred as they all shouted, tearing me away from Gerard and forcing a mask over my face.  
  
Cool air was blown into my lungs, EMTs holding Gerard back as he tried to come to me, Mikey wrapping his arms around his older brother as needles were pushed into my skin. "It's time to rest." Muttered a paramedic as he sedated me, my eyes drifting closed against the world, Gerard's screams reaching my ears even though I couldn't see anymore.


	31. This is the end [Gerard]

**_"You have to keep him alive." I said to Alex as I sat beside Frank's bed, my fingers entwined with his. "You can't let him die, not after all we've been through."_**  
 ** _"I can keep him alive, but something has to be sacrificed." Alex muttered, his eyes on the heart monitor._**  
 ** _"I'll sacrifice anything, just please... I can't lose him." I rushed, not even thinking of the consequences._**  
 ** _"He won't remember any of this, he won't remember you, how you felt about each other. Nothing." Alex explained, his voice steady._**  
  
 ** _I sat, my mouth open slightly as I thought over what he said, rolling the words around in my mind. "I'll still get to see him?" I enquired. Alex shook his head softly._**  
 ** _"I'm sorry, but I can't control that. When he wakes up, he won't even know you exist. If you meet again, then that is fate, but you might never see him again." He paused. "Is that really better than him dying?"_**  
 ** _"If there is a chance I might see him again, then yes, anything is better than watching him be buried." I pushed, holding back the tears._**  
 ** _"I will do everything in my power for you to meet again." Alex whispered._**  
  
I took a deep breath as I looked at Frank, my heart thumping against my ribcage. Frank lay there, his skin pale, the gauze around his chest hiding the wounds that placed him here.  
James stood in the corner of the room, his eyes downcast. Neither of us had left his side, taking turns in sleeping in case he woke up. Mikey and my mom stopped by occasionally bringing us food or drinks or changes of clothes. Neither of them could convince me to leave Frank's side, no matter how hard they tried.  
  
It had been three days since he was put here and the doctors were already discussing turning off the life support. They wanted us to kill him because they didn't think he would ever wake up.  
  
Something in me knew he would, that all we had to do was hold on, to keep positive. My heart pounded every time I saw him move, even if it was just a twitch of his fingers because it meant that he wasn't gone. That somewhere in his mind Frank was still alive.  
  
"Gerard." James muttered. "It's time."  
"I'm not leaving." I whispered, my knuckles going white as I held onto his hand.  
"Gerard, it's time for him to go now. I'm sorry." James sighed, his hand on my shoulder as I fought back the sobs threatening to break free.  
"I can't leave James, he's not gone, it's all a load of bullshit." I ranted, my arms shaking. "It's just... He can't be gone. Frank can't be dead."  
  
"Gee." Mikey called from the doorway. "Come on." He stepped into the room and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. "I've got you. I promise it's all going to be okay."  
"It's not though Mikey. It's never going to be okay again." I sobbed when he walked me from the room, his arm around my waist as he tried to keep me upright. "Frank's dead Mikey. He died because of me."  
"It wasn't your fault. It will never be your fault." He whispered, his eyes on me as my steps faltered.  
  
I slid to the floor, my head in my hands as I finally opened the floodgates, tears streaming down my face. My heart thumped against my breastbone, Mikey's worried gaze on the top of my head. "I'm sorry Gerard. I am so sorry."  
"Don't apologize Mikey, it was me that got him killed. I didn't warn him. I just...I let him go Mikey. I let him walk in there knowing full well what they were after. I just let him get mowed down." I drew in a shaky breath, my vision swimming as I looked up. "I watched as he bled Mikey, I didn't stop it because I was scared."  
"Gee, it was not your fault. Goddamnit Gerard, he loved you. He died with the person he loved the most and that is all he wanted. He had the best life he could have had after he met you Gerard."  
"But he broke his promise Mikey. He said he would never leave me. He said that he would always be here." I whispered, my head darting up as the electric doors opened. My eyes widened slightly when I saw James walk out alone, his shoulders hunched, shaking slightly as he sobbed. "James." I called as I ran up to him. "James, I'm so sorry. I wish I could have saved him."  
"It's fine Gerard. Just, give me space." He muttered before walking off towards his car.

* * *

I stood at the edge of the park, my eyes on the swings. Frank stood there, his hands in his pockets, his toes scuffing the bark chips. It took everything in me not to go up to him and introduce myself, to show him how much he meant to me.  
  
I pulled out my sketch book and sat on the floor, my legs crossed underneath me as I grabbed a pencil from my bag, the tip against the page as I drew, Frank's face appearing.  
  
Time flew past in that way, images of Frank filling the page of my sketchbook. My heart thudded as he sat on the swings like we used to, his toes scuffing through the bark chips, his head downcast. My phone rang in my pocket, the constant vibrating getting on my nerves.  
  
The screen held an unknown number and, as I held it to my ear, a sense of deja vu washed over me.  ** _"Hello?" I asked, tucking my pencil behind my ear._**  
 ** _"Remember Gerard, don't force anything that wouldn't happen naturally." A male voice said._**  
 ** _"Alex?" I asked, the silence confirming my suspicions. "I won't, I promise. This is just... a goodbye of sorts."_**  
 ** _"He'll be okay." Alex whispered before hanging up._**  
  
A drop of water landed on my sketchbook, my eyes scanning the empty sky to find its source, my hands flying to my cheeks when I couldn't find any clouds. My cheeks were streaked with tears, my eyes stinging as I realised how much it hurt, seeing Frank, but not being able to talk to him.  
  
Tears dripped onto my sketchbook, smudging the pencil marks, running each image into the other. A Frank soup on the page. The colours smudged into one, my eyes blurring as I looked up.  
  
"Gerard." Ben said from behind me. "Gerard, you okay?" I shook my head, chewing my bottom lip because I was afraid of what I would say. "It's okay. I've got you." He whispered as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, leaning my back against his chest.  
"He's dead Ben. Frank's dead and it's all my fault." I whispered, my voice hoarse from all the crying. "He doesn't have a future and all because I didn't warn him."  
"It's not your fault he died. You have to think of it as fate, Gerard, what happened, happened for a reason. Life never puts you through more than you can handle." Ben paused and took a deep breath. "This is just one of those challenges that you have to get through. You have people here with you every step of the way, you just have to hold on and keep fighting."  
"I don't want to, not without Frank. He was the reason I'm still here and now he's not, well, there's no point." I sobbed. Ben sighed and rested his chin against my head.

* * *

I loosened the tie I was wearing and tugged it over my head, slowly unbuttoning my shirt to see the marks beneath. Bruises and cuts marked my torso, all of them self inflicted, the only way I could feel something.  
  
Every night I would wake in a cold sweat with tears streaking down my face. Nightmares plagued even my waking moments, every turn I made showing me images of Frank.  
  
On nights like that Mikey would come into my room with a pillow and a blanket and curl up on my chair until I was asleep again, his eyes on me as I tried to force myself to sleep.  
  
Frank still lived in Bellville but, by some cruel twist of fate, our paths never crossed. Every chance there was for us to meet, something else arose, forcing me to take another path or go to a different store.  
  
Ben had tried to get me to fall in love with him but I refused, knowing that my love for Frank would stop me loving another man in the same way again. He understood and, even though I never reciprocated his feelings, he still took care of me when I couldn't even find the strength to stand.  
  
My mother and father became closer than ever, their fear for me turning their hatred back into love. Their marriage became stronger, their issues resolved when they thought I would die. My dad apologised for everything, his hands never straying to hit me or my brother again. My mother became much calmer and she realised that, even if she had succeeded in keeping me and Frank apart, I would still be broken.  
  
Empty pill bottles lined my window ledge, half filled bottles of alcohol strewn across my bedroom floor. I was quite literally drowning my sorrows. The only way the image of Frank would disappear was if I became someone else, the drugs and the drink forcing me to become the other entity.  
  
It hurt, losing Frank. I would rummage through my wardrobe for a pair of pants and come up with one of Frank's t-shirts or a hoodie that smelled like him and I would break down. Mikey would find me curled up in my cupboard, my face streaked with tears as I shook with the sobs I was trying to hide.

* * *

Four days after Frank 'died' I got a voicemail from James, sobs choking every word before it ended bluntly, the final words being 'I'm sorry'. I climbed to my feet and ran to his house, scared for his safety. I needn't have been.  
  
 _"James!" I yelled as I ran through the front door. Silence was my answer, my voice echoing around the empty room. "Goddamnit." I muttered as I searched each room, coming up empty._  
  
 _I caught a glimpse of the basement door out of the corner of my eye, my heart pounding as I thought where he could be. I shook my head slightly as I placed my hand on the doorknob, twisting it gingerly as a creak filled the kitchen. "Please don't be down here." I whispered._  
  
 _My footsteps echoed around the stairwell, the glow from the kitchen lighting my way. After taking a deep breath, I turned the corner, my breath catching in my throat as I saw him. "James?" I whispered as I walked closer, unsure that what I was seeing was reality._  
  
James took his own life. Hung himself from the rafters. He had blamed himself for Frank's death, managed to convince himself that, if he was a better dad, he would still be here.  
  
I managed to find it in myself to go to the prison and tell John. He broke down, he blamed himself for doing everything wrong and that he didn't prove to him how much he loved him. It broke my heart then. Seeing him so vulnerable.  
  
I got a phone call from the prison the next day.  
  
John had tried to kill himself, crying out that he wanted to be with James. He's currently in intensive care as they fight to keep him alive. Even with everything he did to me, I still go to visit.  
  
He has no-one now and I can't see him alone, not when he needs people the most.  
  
Mikey is a different story. Since Frank died, he has become stronger. Hardened to the outside world. He will fight my honour when people blame me and he protects everything he believes to be right. My little brother who was afraid of the world has become stronger in a way I would never have predicted.

* * *

So here I am, a gun clutched in my fingers, tears staining my face as I remembered everything I was giving up. The notes had been written, placed on the correct pillows, I just had to hope that no-one came home before I was finished. "I'm sorry." I sobbed as I placed the barrel in my mouth, my finger on the trigger.


	32. SEQUEL

There is a sequel to this, it's called.....

 

**Spread My Wings And Learn To Fly**

 

Go and check it out??


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